Forsaken Childhood

It was not God forsaken, to tell you the truth. It was fine, in most respects. Quite a few ups, a few downs, it was a roller coaster ride I thoroughly enjoyed. When it got over, I saw this child striving to be a man, who turned out to be fine though. He is not a perverted, self centered, sadistic and chauvinistic pig, but rather a decent and generously flawed human being. I am very grateful for that. But, for many years, I could not remember the child I was. The recollection was hazy at best. That pained me a lot. You should never ever forget the child you were. You should never let  those memories fade away. If you can't relive a few moments from your childhood, if you can't be that kid again, even for a few fleeting moments, you lose a part of yourself. And the process of regaining that lost part is very long, arduous, excruciatingly painful, and at times, insurmountable. But it is worth every wail and every tear. Every bit of that anguish is worth it. Reclaiming my childhood has healed me, incredibly inspired me, and made me whole again. There are still many a gaping holes. Many bridges need to be built again. But I have the blue print, the gist of it. I had forgotten who I was. I did not believe. Rather, I refused to believe. But, slowly and steadily, it is all coming back. Like a giant jigsaw puzzle getting the most important chunks. The mist lifts, with each day. The journey of rediscovery is an absolute delight. To restore the never-say-die spirit, when the fight was worth it. To be possessed by the exuberance. To be happy for the tiniest of reasons. To be insatiably curious and ever bright eyed. Again. Forever.  

I am going to be who I was was. I am reclaiming my forsaken childhood. I will be damned, if I don't. 

"When I was a child, I was a superman. Now, I am just a man" 

p.s The title of the post, is a book bearing the same name, written by a great and tireless soul, a close friend of mine and one of the best human beings I have ever known. 

The Death of My Childhood

Friends,
Bloggers ,
Countrymen ,
Countrywomen ,
in short , members of my blogging family

Of late , I have been busy working . No , I did not pick up my toilet and kitchen brush to clean the muck around us . That would require a lot more effort , and I will take a shot at it at a later stage in my life , God willing . To cut a long story , short , I was really working , and that is why , I have hardly replied to your comments . I have missed out on reading some of your posts . I have missed out on exchanging thoughts with you on some of your posts . The few that I have published , were written , long back , when I was not so busy . Thank God for that , at least my blog is not that stale . I almost didn't see the incredibly funny and imaginative posts Vimmu,OG , Solilo and the others came up with (Cross Border Terrorism and Sachai ka Saamna ) ! What I am trying to say is that , I get a little time to peek into the Blogosphere , but I will be back in full swing , soon . That is the hope . My apologies for not contributing to the blogging buzz . And this partial absence has taken a toll on me as well , for , All work and no blogging makes Kislay a dull jackass . I know I am a jackass , my friends and colleagues will surely agree with this one. :) But a tired and a dull one now , and my braying is minus the zest it usually has . I am learning to live life , and how to be an adult , who has to balance work , and life apart from work . And as a member of the IT Industry , I know it won't be easy . But I am trying .

A few weeks ago , I , Kislay Chandra , all of 25 years and a few months old , suddenly realized that my childhood is over . Yes . I know . It took me 25 , instead of your normal 15 to 20 . But then, that is how I am . For me , it was still going on , till I was struck by the thunderbolt of realization, that I cried a little bit , in private. Of course , the child in me is not dead yet. I still hog chocolates , fight for ice cream , jump and shout like a kid , hop around in my home in a vest and old shorts, air guitar like a loon when I listen to rock and try to sing as well, do bakar(a derogatory term for fooling around , doing nothing , but talking,laughing and pulling your friend's legs as hard as you can )as if my friends and I were still in College. Inside , I am still a kid . As they say , the difference between a boy and a man , is the price of his toy . The carefree child in me comes out , plays with his new toys, bikes, cell phones and videogames, the latest being a blender , which I use to make different kinds of shakes and stuff :) ,but not that often. I guess that is how it works . This is what growing up must be all about . Trying to make more money , and discovering new ways to save taxes , rather than coming up with new ways to spend it . I guess that is why childhood is such an innocent and pure stage, you get joy out of things so trivial, insignificant and ordinary, that it cannot but baffle most adults. For me, the death of a person is not the day when he or she breathes the last, it is the day when the child in you , the last bit of pristine is gone.

When I was a kid , my grandfather explained to me the concept of pooja or aradhana . There is the ritualistic version , the meditative way and the one where you try to connect with the Almighty by serving others selflessly. And then , there is your work . He said , and very explicitly , that "if you do your work , with the utmost sincerity and devotion, you need not visit a temple , or offer flowers and burn incense sticks in front of the many forms of God that we bow to" . I knew that all along, but never really did it . I am trying to do it now. And every prayer I offer , ends with a request for subuddhi and shakti to do my work as it should be done .

That was my short story , about me . I am a little down , cause I am still not used to a lot of work , but I will be up soon , as it becomes a habit . And I may be down, but I am never out. Mean while , you keep blogging .


“In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play” - Friedrich Nietzsche

“There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million.” - Walt Streightiff

“When you finally go back to your old hometown, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood” - Sam Ewing

“When childhood dies, its corpses are called adults and they enter society, one of the politer names of hell. That is why we dread children, even if we love them, they show us the state of our decay.” - Brian W. Aldiss

p.s. It was 2 AM . I had just come out of my office building . The cool breeze was reinvigorating . And that gave me an idea for - Elixir . :)

Things(supposed to be ten) That Make Me Emotional

This is a tag, by IHM. I was supposed to write about 10 things, in brief, I guess, that make me emotional. But I went berserk and wrote about everything that makes emotional, sentimental, angry and mental. These are the things that make me cry, and make me gnash my teeth.

1. There are 1.15 Billion people in India. That is one huge number. That is one fifth of humanity. If those 1.15 were to even shout in unison, once, it would deafen everyone, maybe trigger quakes. It would not just be a force to reckon with, it would be The Force, with or without nuclear weapons. We are yet to see that day. Prime reason to be emotional.

2. Bharat Mata makes me emotional. A mother who has children, so eager and willing to desecrate her. A mother who is not even considered as their mother by quite a few. A mother who was hacked into pieces once, and if things don't change, will get hacked into a few more.

3. The Political Leaders - Especially when the elections are around. Once in every 5 years you get to see what a wonderful and vibrating democracy you are a part of. The Political Circus cum World War, all gunning for Power. Forgetting the real issues, and making up fake ones. About PM's to be from a list of people, who are too old, too foreign, too meek or too corrupt and uncouth to do justice to it. And the latest addition to this beautiful and bright bunch of desh-ka-netaa’s is our very Gandhigiri-walla Munnabhai, who has lost it, completely. The wife. The Political Party. The Public Speeches. What next? I hope the Late Sunil Dutt jee's soul is at peace.

4. Mahapurush Bhagat Singh and the Other Lost Heroes of India. Chanakya. Swami Vivekananda. Netaji Bose. Aurobindo Ghosh. When we not busy singing and dancing over Gandhijee, who it seems, was the only great person to have been born on this land, we can also try and study these heroes as well, who might have been less in stature but were no less great.

5. Riots - It is not a war, it has no rules, there is no Geneva Convention, and it is just a clash between two groups, no holds barred and barbaric. And it brings shame, infamy, unrest to the country, and power to the corrupt.

6. Secularism, the way it is practiced in India, makes me emotional. The twisted, contorted, I-will-use-it-as-it-suits-me form of it. The Madani and Pragya Singh kind. The Karunanidhi,Vaiko,Raj Thackeray and Varun Gandhi kind . If one deserves the NSA, then so do the others, or at least something similar. No political party is secular. If you ask for votes on the basis of religion, caste or language, or race (Aryan-Dravidian bull shit), how can you claim to be secular? What gets my goat is that some get away with this hypocrisy. This bandying with “secular” and “communal” is funny at times.

7. Aryan-Dravidian, North-South, Illad & Ghati & Bhaiiya and Chinki make me emotional. That people think that North Indians are descendants of Aryans and South Indians are Dravidians . Do I fucking look like an Aryan descendant to any one ? I am 5 feet 8 inches tall. I have black hair and brown eyes. And if I had not been afraid of getting a tan, I would have gone out in the sun more, and been darker. The concept of a race, once again, Western, that has been imposed on the Indian mind. How will we have one race, and by race I mean a group of people with common features. India is so diverse from its tip to toe, and people change accordingly. The Kashmiris will be fairer, and the Keralites will be darker on an average. When the body is subjected to more heat, it shrinks in size, and that could be the reason why the people from Haryana or Punjab are taller. We do not have been one religion, race, or language to be one nation, but one in spirit.

“Race does not make an Indian, religion does not make me an Indian, but history does, and in the long run, it is History which counts” – Ruskin Bond

8. Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan, 26/11 and the entire episode. There was this banner with the images of the brave men who died, and Major Sandeep was one of them. And every time, I looked at it while walking to work, it made me cry. It was hard controlling my tears in public, I used to hide behind my handkerchief and bite my tongue. Every time, without fail. I don't know why, but it seems as if I lost someone who was close to me. Someone I had never heard of, had never seen before, but still was like a brother. That makes me very emotional and sentimental. It makes me cry and wince that He was martyred and his father had to face that AcchuthNandan. The fact that almost 5 months have gone by and yet nothing concrete has taken place. The fact that on 26th November 2010 , a bunch of fools led by Ms. Sar-kha, literally, eat-my-head(I dare not use her actual name, lest I am sued as well) would light multicoloured scented candles for those who died , sing patriotic songs , air this on the 24/7 Crap Spewing News Channels, and then carry on with their lives . And I would wring my hands, curse in the choicest expletives and write another post.

9. Rape, the Indian sex ratio and the plight of Women
Why do men rape? Why do they eve tease? Why do they molest? Why do they resort to acid attacks? Why do they burn their woman for dowry? Why do they want sons alone? Who will those sons marry (if those poor guys become gay out of frustration, may be they will be lynched or ostracized for being so)? Why do they beat their wives? Why do they kill their daughters? What honour does it bring to a man when he takes the life of a woman who is her own flesh and blood? What dishonour does a woman bring to her family when she is the victim of some twisted bastard's uncontrollable lust?

I wonder whether being a father of daughters would be good idea at all. I would rather be childless than raise a daughter in this hell hole of a world .Where at every step, and every moment, you have to be on guard. WTF do we do about it? This world cannot exist without women. The Indian sex ratio suggests that woman kind is a like fast depleting natural resource, and I say resource, because that is the way most of the existing ones are treated like. The subject of family honour, the object of sexual desire and so on and so forth.

I remember reading about the rape of that Girl in Delhi by a gang of 10 or so scum bags, and how incensed and agitated was I. And now you have this TISS episode. I have often asked this question, and never found a real answer. I have often tried to analyse the psyche of a rapist, and never could arrive at a concrete conclusion. And I still cannot fathom, why? Why do men rape? What is it that manifests itself into an inspiration to rape? And if the reason is pent up sexual energy or sexual frustration, then why not go to a prostitute, which inspire of being illegal, is in every nook and corner of the country. And about prostitution, the leaders have all the time to be secular and communal, and preserve culture and language, but they have no time for these women. Even theirs is a lost cause, like the Kashmiri Pundits.

The things I would like to do, personally, to a rapist would definitely get me certified as a psycho. So I won't mention it.

This episode of South Park,Eat,Pray,Queef , sends a very subtle message. It is very disgusting and will gross most of you out, but the underlying message is about the discrimination between men and women. That is the brilliance of South Park. It shocks, and awes. Read the plot, if you can’t bear to watch the entire episode.

10. The plethora of brain dead and stupid TV shows, the 24/7 news channel, advertisements and movies, reality TV - The incredibly stupid advertisements brimming with corniness, the mass of brain-cell-killing movies that is thrown at us in the name of entertainment. Are we brain dead? Do they want us to be brain dead?

The apple of MTV’s eyes – Roadies and Splits Villa! It never ceases to amaze me, as to how dumb can people get. What makes me sad that it is so immensely popular. The kind of young people that participate in it make me even sadder. They are the youth of this country , my peers , my generation . Is the brain a vestigial organ for them, for this Pepsi sponsored Youngistaan ? And I have never come across a stupider coined term . Youngistaan? What the hell is that ! And it seems that the more you abuse and cuss in these shows, the more they get to bleep it and the cool quotient increases tremendously. It all becomes so "real", doesn't it? What the BLEEP!

And the news channels, with their pretentious holier-than-thou anchors. What the hell do they think of themselves? They so clearly are sided with political parties. It seems as if they are running a propaganda campaign of their own. Remember what Karunandhi said about Ram, “Who is this guy? Which engineering college did he go to?” Now let us substitute Karunandhi with Modi and the religious character with Jesus or the Prophet? What do you think will happen? Sarkha, Turdesai and Sadi-garika would go medieval on Modi, or any leader who dares say that. There will be a huge hullaballoo about how intolerant and the communal is the party in question. May be, one of these brilliant anchors might take a telephonic interview of Sarkozy, who will air his views on religious intolerance in India.

Every time I switch on my TV, I find it very hard not to fling a brick at it. The truly idiot box makes me intensely emotional.

p.s. How do I know so much about the dumb shows aired on MTV? Thanks to my flatmates, Anshuman and Ankit (names changed), are stuck to the TV set like moths to a flame, when those shows are on. One of them ogles at the women, while the other cries when their favourite fool is about to get the boot. They metamorphosize into a dumber and shallower versions of themselves!

11. Ramayana and Mahabharata – I have done some research over it, and I think it is a part of our History, and not mythology. It is a very personal belief, and I do not expect everyone to endorse my views. And my research on it is far from over. Even if you don’t consider it as History, it is a part of our heritage and culture. There are so many valuable lessons to be learned from it.

A parallel, I think that would make some sense. Imagine that India, through some stroke of luck, gets a truly great leader, who is popular across the length and the breadth, a leader of the masses, and one who is a good human being as well. Now, the family of this Great Indian Leader is taken hostage by a group of terrorists (who do not belong to any religion). And unless their demands are met, you know what happens. So, what do you think should our GIL do? Should he sacrifice his family for the Nation, or should he take the risk of fulfilling the terrorist's demands, and hope for the best? What would you do? Would you be a great leader or a good husband ?

I think this is the kind of choice Shree Ram had to face, when he had to banish Sita Mata at the behest of a two bit washer-man. But then, that is what Ram Rajya signifies, I guess. The King throws away his own wife, whose purity is unquestionable, to appease one of his "praja”, a mere washer-man. Personally, I would say this to the washer-man, "GFY”. But that does not mean the Ramayana has nothing to teach us. And the same goes for Mahabharata. The injustices Karna and Sita had to face do not imply that all is bad. No, all is well that ends well, and it is not a perfect world. Dismissing these two as mere mythology is not fair. It is quite possible, that Krishna and Ram were not avatars of Vishnu, but just two very great men who walked this Earth. Quite possibly, a few of the accounts could be exaggerated. I think it is history, even if blown out of proportion. I think it is quite possible they had technology; for even Robert Oppenheimer believed so (I had to quote a Westerner's name to make it more credible). Knowledge is cyclic, and not linear. And most importantly, I would rather put a question mark than dismiss it as BS.

12. The Rise of China. It is the single largest threat to India. And we are busy pretending to be secular, gyrating with our ever vibrating democracy, while those Red Devils are heading towards Global Supremacy. We are not even strong enough to be an Asian Power, and yet, every now and then, some educated ostentatious fool would come up with an article propounding how we have become a power or soon will be. What a load of crap. We will never be a power with Naxalite in our yard. We will never be a power with riots and terrorist attacks. And, the worst of all, China might do a 62 again, and we won’t even know what hit us.

13. Regional Parties - There are so bloody many of them. The more they are lesser the chances of a stable government. Each with their own ideology cut-out, their pretence to be secular or communal, their quest for the rights of “their” people. You may think otherwise, but I think it reflects that we are becoming an even more divided society. If only we could have a bi or a tri party system.

14. Saviours /Critics of Hindu Dharma – People who misunderstand and misinterpret Hindu culture, Hindu Religion , Hindu Philosophy and Hindutva(the elements of being a Hindu) , and use it to their advantage to win some votes or popularity , by either pretending to be the protectors or by criticizing it incessantly . I despise both the kind.

15. Religious Intolerance – I am not a kaffir. I am not a heathen. Neither is my religion the best, nor is yours. I won’t convert. I won’t let you proselytize. And never will I ask you to convert to mine. If you believe in God, then I am his child as you are. Even if you don’t, I am still a human, as you are.

16. Humanity. Yes. We, People, the homosapiens, this species make me emotional and angry. "Oooo, we are humans, we cook our food, and sleep on beds, live in houses, use technology at the drop of a hat and speak intelligible languages. We have a societal structure and we are smart. And that makes us better than the rest of species. We are so precious. " . And yet we kill, we murder, we never run out of reasons to fight over, are raping this planet every instance of our existence. Yes, we are intelligent, but what the fuck is that good for? Is our evolution and development in sync with our natural environment? How much of our technology is green? Our pretence of being better than the so called lesser species is farcical, and we should not be allowed to compare the lesser of our own species to animals. You know, phrases like "worse than an animal" or "animal like behaviour”. Animals are way better than us. I guess it is the curse of having a much more evolved brain. It should come with a statutory warning "The actions undertaken by the individual under the influence of this organ may be injurious to the planet”.

17. Casteism - How dumb do you have to be, to engage in a battle over caste? The differences of race and religion are visible, but what about those of caste? You can say that certain castes are forward and certain backward, because of their financial standing, but even that is not the case always. Poverty strikes all. And yet, we vote, we fight, we marry and we socialize on the basis of caste. May be urban India does not do it that much, but this DOES go on in rural India, and not just in the BIMARU states, but throughought the nation.


As IHM said, there are quite a few things which make me angry. And instead of 10, I got 17, so far. :) They make my blood boil and BP soar so much, that at times I think, living in the world as a regular person would make me lose it someday. I should move to the Himalayas, and start my "vanprastha" and take a stab at "moksha". ;) Okay, even if I don't do that, it would still keep me cooler and saner. I guess I have said it all, or rather most of it. So if I die in a terrorist attack or a riot, I would have the satisfaction that I ranted most of it out.

Tagged !

Tagged once more. By Miss Indyeah , first name Awesome . :) My apologies Madam , for I haven’t used a lot of personal pictures . So without much more ado , I hereby end my blogging moratorium .

1.The age I will be on my next birthday




Why oh Why ? Why ! Why the Hell ! Why am I not Benjamin Button . While most people celebrate their birthdays , for me it is a sad reminder of the fact that I am getting older . If only I could be 22 for the rest of my life . *SIGH* And the fateful day is March 22nd .

2.A place you would like to travel

That’s a tough one. I would like to travel the Entire world, and go on a space tour as well. To name one, I would like to see the Himalayas. The place doesn’t matter.





3.My favourite food and drink

Hmmm. I am a foodie. I like all kinds of food. I am always ready to take my taste buds on an adventurous trip. But to name one, off the top of my head, Rice and chicken curry . Favourite drink, for now , would a beer called Guinness . It is Irish . And I am sorry if it is against Indian culture, and the moral police de damned, but I like to down one , every now and then . As Harivansh Rai Bachchan jee said , “Hindu aur musalman do , ek magar unka pyaala, bair karati mandir masjid, mel karati madhushala” . Cheers . :)



4.Favourite pet

Dogs . Any given day. Anytime . Loyal, faithful, playful . What else do you need ? And horses would be a second .



And that is Kaara . She is with my family back home . And I miss her . :(

5.Favourite place

Manipal. For ever. I wish I could get that tattooed on my body . I studied there and it was the best time of my life. And I shall love it till the day I die .



That is End point . It was one of my favourite places .

6.Favourite color combination




7.Favourite piece of clothing

Birthday suit. I wish I could wear that every day , every time . Preferably with a leaf or two covering you-know-what . ;) And no picture for this one . But when I am my normal self, trying not to be a misfit of an outcast , I prefer a t-shirt and shorts . And barefoot .

8. Favourite songs .

It is this one .
Click Madi
:D And please do tell me what your reaction was .



















Jokes apart , I don’t have on absolute all time favourite . So pardon me for the excesses , I will name a few .

Mad World – Gary Jules
Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin
Behind Blue Eyes – The Who
The Unforgiven – Metallica
Coming back to life – Pink Floyd
Dance of Death – Iron Maiden
Braveheart Theme Song – Enya
Play with fire – The Rolling Stones
Riders on the Storm – The Doors
Maa Tujhe Salaam - A R Rehman

I have named quite a few, so I will stop now .

9. Favourite TV Show(s)





10. Full Name of my significant other .

Hmmm . Her first name would be - Crazy-enough-to-fall-for-me . Her middle name would be - Patient-enough-to-bear-me And the last name - Brave-enough-to-take-the-plunge . Time alone shall tell who turns out to be my better half . I hope she turns out to be better , and not bitter .

11. City I live in - Bengaluru/Bangalore . Garden city . IT . Pubs ( :P to the Moral Police ) .

12. Screen name / nick name - Kislay . Always been Kislay . Except while playing Counter Strike , I am always me .

13. First job - Software Engineer . Always wanted to code since I was a kid .

14 . Dream Job - President of the Indian Moral Police Force . :D I shall ban everything directly or indirectly related to the WEST . There shall no more be a direction called West . Manage with three for the love of our Indian culture . The westerlies shall not blow as well . They hamper the digestion of Indian food , lead to constipation, and there fore are detrimental to our bhartiya sanskriti . I would even ban the letters W-E-S-T . Take that !

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life " . That would be my dream job .

15. Bad habits I have .

Day-dreaming . Sleeping . Lazing around . To name a few . I have many . :) I am a bad boy .

16. My Worst fear

I fear that I will turn against my own principles some day .

17. The one thing I would like to do before I die .

A re-union road-trip to Om beach , Gokarna with my close friends .



18. The first thing I would buy with $ 1 Million

My freedom . From the vicious cycle of materialistic pursuits . I will ensure that I never have to worry about food,clothing or shelter ever again . So that I will be free to pursue any interest of mine .


19. My Favorite credo(s)

Sab moh-maya hai . :)
Eat , drink and be merry . :D
Live and LET live . :-|

20. Time to be creative . I will add one of my own . If you were to get a tattoo , what would it be , and where would it be ?

I would get 4 . A barcode on the back of my neck , for fun . An Om on right arm . A Pi on my left . The symbol of my faith on my left arm , and the symbol of my Science on my right . And one swastika , NOT the Nazi one , on my chest . Smeared in saffron,white and green . Yes Mesdames and Messiurs, I shall wear my love on my chest .


Time to pass the baton . I don't think someone ever took it from me , except once . So , instead of naming people , I will just tag my entire blogroll . If your name is on it , you are tagged . If you are game enough , do the work . :)

An Angry Indian - II

This is partly a response to a comment by Yaamyn on my last post “saveajmalkasab.org”, and partly, my demented droning.

Thank you. I appreciate your candour. But I do not expect my views to be endorsed by anyone. Nor do I expect any empathy from anyone, about how I feel or how badly I am hurt. These are just words; they do not portray my true emotions. I think the friends I live with wonder whether I need psychiatric help or not. One may think that how come an individual who was not even in the proximity of Mumbai attacks or its after effects can feel so bad, but then, that is me, I take it personally. I did not lose anyone personally in this attack , or the countless other attacks in the past 20 years or so ; but I have shed tears , experienced anguish and most importantly , I have lost my fellow Indians , who I foolishly think of as my own .

Maybe, Suzanne Arundhati Roy is a good social activist. She could be the secular humanist that she claims to be. But her latest article is a like the invective of the mother-sister type to my motherland. She has more or less justified the attacks on the Indian soil. And that is my problem. And to be fair, if she is the secular humanist she claims to be, where was she when Kashmiri Pandits were being butchered and driven out of the valley? This is an honest question and I do not know the answer to it. India, at this hour, needs hard-core nationalists, brimming with patriotism, and no other mother-effing "ism" would suffice.

Ajmal Kasab is NOT an Indian. Therefore he should not be defended by one. I bet the law states otherwise, but in the light of what he has done to India, I stick to what I said. Ask the Pakistanis to do it. Or he can defend himself, if no one comes forward. But treat him like the war criminal / enemy combatant he is. That would be FAIR. No Indian should represent him. For me, the legal aid given to Kasab by Indian citizens would constitute an act of utmost disrespect to those who lost their lives. In all fairness, you can be fair only to a limit , a line has to be drawn somewhere .

"The hallmark of an egalitarian society is to provide equal norms and procedures of justice to EVERYONE. Even a Kasab." - It would NOT be egalitarian in the context of 200-400 people who lost their lives. There are exceptions to every rule, and this has to be treated as one .

The fact that some of my fellow Indians object to his not being represented by an Indian is reflection of the sad state of affairs in this country. Even when in dire straits, this nation, which has the hopes of being a superpower, cannot unite and its reaction appears frayed. I strongly feel that those who died are history with just a month gone since that terrible day, and there are many amongst the educated us who are too keen on projecting themselves as democratic and civilized, by making an issue of this. They want to be saints , while all I want is for us to be human , and with the many flaws a human has , say NO , in one loud UNITED voice , to all the goddamned BULL-SHIT that has been going on . I want them to stop being politically correct and learn to call a spade a spade. Quoting Gandhiji and talking about "Truth and Non-Violence" is not good enough. Though I have indirectly suggested that Kasab should be shot like a rabid dog, it is not what I want. That was just a heat-of-the-movement remark. I want him tried, but not defended by an Indian, and then hanged, as he deserves it. I pity the bloody fool, and I pity his accursed parents even more. To be brainwashed to such an extent that one would kill just about anyone, in cold blood. And I often wonder what his parents must be going through. But that does not make me blind to the cold, hard facts that stare you into the face. And I wish people would see that, instead of ranting incessantly about "secularism and democracy" and "truth and non-violence”. And I do not think I have to spell it out for anyone what I am talking about. If you don’t get it, I don’t give a damn. If you do get it and are offended by it, I still don’t give a damn. The others, please, do give a damn!

A thousand curses and eternal damnation to the Antulay’s,Achuthnandan’s and Patil's of India. They reaffirm my faith in the fact that politics has stooped to unimaginably low levels. Ditto to the Roy’s. Does social activism involve cursing your own country and showing it in a bad light to the World? World Citizen my ass! Indian first. One fifth of the entire humanity first. And the way our Government is acting, I feel more like eunuch with each passing day. I pray that I am proved wrong. But then again, the cynic in me says that we will be back to square one soon, peace talks, cricket matches and exchanging artists and culture, and the media will be the co-instigator of this charade. Pakistan will get away with it, and India would have been smelly-middle-fingered again. When a nation could not punish a country as weak and pathetic like Bangladesh for killing and mutilating the bodies of her soldiers, what hope is there? And the BJP was in power in that time. I wonder why “they” did not do anything.

I want peace , and equality , and justice for all , because that is what my "dharma" is all about , BUT , at what price ? The honour of my Mother India? Never! How can I dream about World Peace when my own home is far from peaceful ? We need a Chanakya and "sam,dam,dand,bhed" more than ever . And if you think I am a right-winder as my rants might suggest , let me just tell you , I don't give a fuck about any of the so called "wings" . I am an Indian, a proud, crazy, somewhat jingoistic Indian, and that is where it begins and ends. Long live my Motherland!

Being an Indian

I have been ranting and raving about the pros and cons (mostly, sadly) of being a Bihari. And it struck me how hard; or rather intricate is the state of being an Indian. Suddenly, Jinnah’s two nation theory seems like the babble of a deaf-mute 5 year old. India is a thousand nations. And maybe it will be divided on those grounds someday. That is definitely not I want. But who knows what happens next.

People fight. That is an indelible trait embedded in our genes, I guess. Allow me to digress. I am a not-so-regular viewer of an incredibly sarcastic TV show with elements of dark and sometimes twisted and sick humour in it, called SouthPark. In this show, a couple of episodes titled Go God Go I and II were aired some time back. It started with Richard Dawkins and atheism. And after much hullaballoo over Darwinism and Intelligent Design, one of the characters gets to the Future, centuries from now, as a result of a freak accident. And guess what was going on in the future? People stopped believing in God or religion, they said Oh My Science instead of Oh My God, BUT, they were still fighting. They were fighting over something called the Ultimate Question, and whose answer was the right one. The bottom-line is obvious. Coming back to the big bad world, while people all fight over different issues, one issue per region, in India, we seem to have the complete range. We have religion, obviously, the numero uno. Followed by caste, which has many sub divisions. Language is a one; the Aryan-Dravidian nonsense is another. I firmly believe that even this Aryan invasion theory was a diabolical fabrication by the Brits to further ease their job in India. And how can I forget women. Men and women in India have been fighting a silent war, and one look at the sex-ratio would tell you what the casualty count is. Around 35 million females. Damn all the men who consider women as second-rate citizens. A woman is a mother. Period. And nothing else can surpass that. (Feminists, please don’t jump at my throat if you think I was implying that a women is only good enough to bear and rear children)

Hindu Jaagaran Morcha. An outfit to avenge the deaths of Hindus by IM/SIMI. I felt weird, sick and confused, all at the same time, when I heard of their doings. So that is how a decent, law-abiding, patriotic Muslim feels when some jackass who claims to be a believer in God and a follower of Islam blows up something. I am aghast and ashamed. And thank the Almighty that this was not swept under the rugs. Speaking of terror and terrorists, we seem to have almost all kinds of them.

1. Good old Islamic terrorist
2. The greenhorn Hindu “jihadi”
3. The Naxalites , MCC, CPI-ML , PWG and so on
4. The Upper-caste army of Landlords who came into existence to counter no.3
5. The Khalistani militants, which I guess are not as dormant as commonly perceived
6. Naga Terrorists (Aren’t they Christians?)
7. ULFA
8. BD - If you rape a nun in the name of God, you are a terrorist for me.
9. Every bloody rioter

My apologies if I forgot to mention anyone.

That’s terrorism in diversity for you people. Be Proud. You could only have that in a country like India. “It happens only in India”! And we only need Buddhist, Jain and Parsee terrorists to complete the beautiful picture. No offence intended!

Whenever somebody blows up or kills someone in the name of something or the other, I am reminded of a dialogue from the movie Sarfarosh, where the character called Inspector Saleem says so”Apne desh ke dushman bohot kismet waale hain, unhe bas hathiyar bhejne ki zaroorat hai, ladne waale bohot mil jayenge” (The enemies of India are really lucky, as they have to furnish the guns and the bombs only, the soldiers to fight their wars are in plenty). Very true.

A thousand curses and eternal damnation to the media. They are the worst amongst the worst. Show me the whole picture, I’ll choose the part which seems right to me. I would like to know whether the ad for the grade IV examination conducted by the railways was really brought out only in the Hindi newspapers or not. But I don’t think I am ever going to discover that through the media. Is investigative journalism dead, or in a coma? All the media seems to show is what depresses, demoralize and disgusts, sometimes all at the same time. Is it that hard to look for stories that are good for the Indian spirit?

Ever heard of the word “illad”? Not Homer’s Iliad. I-L-L-A-D. This is the one word that I absolutely hate with every fiber of my body. This word stands for one of the major flaws with the mindset of the Indians (hailing from the states other than Karnataka, Kerala, TN and AP). This is like blasphemy for me. For those of you, who have not heard of it, an “illad” is the more affectionate term used to address (indirectly) the people of the Southern states, or “South-India”. It was quite a commonly used part of the vocabulary of the average Manipal-ite. Every time I hear it, I feel as if somebody used the invective of the mother-sister type for me. Even though I hail from a state up north, it stings. And the morons who drop it at the drop of hat from their mouths evidently do not realize how wrong and criminally insensitive they are. A few months ago, while dining in a restaurant, I overheard a girl saying” Delhi ke neeche sab south hai.” (Everything below Delhi is South for me). Sure you do bitch. Who the hell taught you geography, and history for that matter? I would go wild with ecstasy if the words “North-Indian” and “South-Indian” were officially banned.And while I am on the subject of name calling, I equally loathe and detest how Indians from the North-East get labeled as "Chinkies" . That is again , seriously fucked up . They are treated as if they are foreigners , no wonder some of them do want to secede from India .When will we stop seeing each other as illad's, chinkie's,bhaiyya's,ghati's and whatever-other-stupid-names-we-have ?

Amidst all the anti-Bihari vibe tingling the nation’s spine, sometimes I feel like a Jew. I guess the displaced Kashmiri Pandits feel the same, refuges in their own home. The Sikhs during ‘84 riots must have felt the same. Also the Muslims in ‘93 and ‘02. And the Christians in Orissa and in Karnataka. I bet the busload of elderly Marathi women and men touring Bihar, who were caught in the middle of the ruckus, felt something close. At least they escaped unscathed, thanks to the local MP and the Police. And I am alive, amen to that. Which brings this thought to my disturbed mind, who’s going to be the next “Jew” of India?

Amidst the chaos and the cacophony, I often wonder, when, or rather how would it end? Would it ever end? Or Is this the beginning of the End? For a guy like me, who thinks a lot about these things (contemplation, retrospection and introspection being one of my preferred activities to engage at leisure), for whom these things matter, it is extremely disturbing. I am often lost; thinking about how things could have been or rather should have been. While people often think about Superheroes and fantasize about being one (including yours truly), I, more often than not, end up conjuring up a fantasy of a Super India. An India that was economically stronger, with a uniform distribution of wealth. An India that beat the living daylights out of China and was significantly more powerful (In my fantasies we annihilated China in 1962 and asked Tibet to join the Indian Union, and they gleefully did., ditto in the Bangladesh war, and we also did not lose the piece of land now known as Pok). An India which files thousands of patents a year. An India which spear heads the development of green technology. An India which sends a manned mission to Mars before others do. As secular and democratic as no nation has ever been. And so on, and so forth. What an incorrigible day-dreamer am I! Which is why when jolted back to the real India, I actually feel physical pain. I feel a throbbing in my head and a searing pain in my heart.

The reason why I don’t watch a lot of football or have a favourite team – Does my country play this game? Does any club from my country play this game, on an international level? Then who do I root for? Why should I scream the blood out of my lungs? No Tricolor, No testosterone-driven-adrenaline-powered-crazy-cheers. As a result I am an unbiased and a neutral spectator of Football. This is a testament to how insanely tricolored-track my mind is. And I am proud of it. I also wonder whether not being such a die-hard, somewhat jingoistic patriot would have actually been good for my mental health.

When I am so bogged down by the bloody mess that we live in, I often think of the easiest way out. Quite obviously, things wouldn’t get fixed over the period of a 3 hour sorry ass Indian movie, with people from all over India singing “Saare jahan se accha” or the national anthem, arms linked together and all. I am not suicidal or even close to suicidal but there are times when I wish I would get knocked down by a speeding bus. Or get blown to bits in the next bomb blast, assuming another one takes place. At times, it is all I think, how wonderful it will be to disappear from the face of this earth and never ever come back (temporarily though, because I am a believer of the Hindu theory of the cycle of birth and death). Am I unhinged to think like this? I guess a short trip to the loony bin wouldn’t hurt that much.:) At least, I would be in the company of certified lunatics, who have the failed, the “test-of-sanity” of this whacky world.

I heard about some book or the other through a pal in which the author anatomizes the concept of India, and concludes that it exists in theory alone. I tried to Google more about this, but couldn’t find anything concrete. But it does make me think a lot these days. My increasingly depressing thoughts aside, this is a serious question indeed. Is the concept of India as a secular, democratic, multi-cultural and multi-lingual nation too utopian to be true? Or is this just a phase which will pass over, and we will get back to our old “chalta-hai” attitude. Is it just plain old crazy me who is having doubts? My belief system has taken such a severe hit that the words India and Indian bring a sardonic smile to my lips these days .

Being Indian is no joke.

Time to curl back in my cocoon and let my imagination run wild. “What ho, Jeeves! Bring me a stiff w & s. Pip pip Cruel World. “

Obessions, Addictions and Quirks !

I have been tagged, by dear IHM, to reveal my obsessions, addictions and quirks. So here it goes.

1. Numb3rs: Not the TV show, numbers in general. I like them. I like playing with my calculator. I love Pi. I am going to get a T-shirt with the value Pi up to a few thousand decimal places printed on it. I love Prime numbers. I like even numbers better than odd ones, and I don’t know why. This can be a quirk.

2. Adolf Hitler/World War II/The Holocaust: I want to know every damn thing that can be possibly known about the aforementioned three. I do not think that I am a neo-Nazi or can be one, but I do harbor a sentiment bordering likeness for Hitler(for his leadership qualities and oratorical skills). I often wonder how or why a human being can be so cruel. I would like to go back in time to hear him speak. And while I am there, I would also like experience the madness of WWII and the Holocaust through my own eyes. And I am often on the lookout for new movies, books and documentaries about them, the last one being Conspiracy. Definitely an obsession.

3. Bhagat Singh: Mahapurush Bhagat Singh. Son of the nation. My Hero. He would be an obsession.

4. Language: I loathe, detest, abhor and execrate SMS lingo. It hurts my eyes when I come across phrases like,”gr8 newz” or “omigosh”. It makes me cringe. And I don’t use it myself. And I always use uppercase letters to start my sentences while chatting. Here’s a sample :

Buddy_Boy: hi..any news?
4:25 PM Me: Nope . Not a clue . This implies that the doj cannot be before Dec or Jan
4:26 PM Buddy_Boy: ha ha..i knw..theyve gone to sleep..so did u get thru any other company?
4:28 PM Me: Yeah , I joined a startup
4:29 PM Buddy_Boy: which firm?
Me: It’s called ******
Buddy_Boy: ok u gt thru tht e ltimus test?
4:30 PM Me: It’s not like that . E litmus gives you a score
4:31 PM On the basis of that score you apply to different companies. Then if you get called for an interview , you have to clear that for the job.
4:32 PM Buddy_Boy: ya thts wht..i Meant thru tht test score
4:37 PM Me: That helped. But I had to clear a written, coding and interview round.

An idiosyncrasy ?

5. Order and method: Aligning objects to my desk till I am satisfied. Re-arranging things at home. I like things arranged in a certain way, and I am at unease till they are in order. Quirk for sure.

6. My name: I keep writing it, on the last page of the note-book, here, there and everywhere. Somebody told me that it was because I am very ambitious. I doubt it. Big time quirk.

7. Books and Book-stores: I love reading, I love buying books, and ergo I love book-stores. When I enter one, I feel what a child must feel when it enters a toy-store. It’s like Disney land for me , and the more books it has, the happier I am. It is a happy-place for me.

8. Spicy food ,syrupy sweets, chocolates and ice-cream : I shall not let go of them till I am forced to do so, either by life or my doctor.

9. Trees: I judge the beauty of a place by the number of trees it has. The colour green never looked more beautiful and soothing when coming off a tree.

10. Hindu Philosophy: I believe that all the answers I am looking for are there. I just have to explore it. And someday I will.

11. Soda: Coke, Mountain Dew, Limca, Sprite and so on. If I have one serious addiction, it is my love for carbonated beverages. Not addicted to smoking or drinking, but to them. Quirky addiction,eh ?

12. Computers and Internet: Life would be worse than hell if I did not have access to a decent computer and a broadband net connection. A related addiction being the compulsion to Google. I have to Google, something or the other, at least once every day. I love Googling. I think about what to Google when I am not googling. I LOVE GOOGLE, and Wikipedia . King of Quirks !

Time to pass the baton, I tag Krishna Aradhi, Pranoy, Danny Buoy, Venkatesh, and 1conoclast .

Being a Bihari

I am an Indian. First and Foremost. That is one the of cornerstones of my existence. That is how I perceive myself. I do not know whether it is right or wrong to have a sense of sub-nationalism, but I have a little of it. All my energies reserved for nationalism, patriotism and the occasional jingoism is focused on the motherland, as a whole (including Kashmir). Religion and language are secondary and tertiary. And my caste be damned, I flip the bird and moon at it. In spite of all this, my being born in Bihar, somehow seems more significant, and it casts a shadow. It astounds the hell out of me, that a region which was once the centre of wealth and knowledge is now one of the poorest. Bad Karma?

I am the kind of guy who counts his blessings. So what if I was born a Bihari. I was raised in Patna (it has its shortcomings but is a city), I come from a middle-class background, and I never had to face any caste or religion related issues. But what if I had been on the last rung of the caste ladder? I could have been shot dead by Ranvir Sena. What if I had been a poor Muslim, who migrated to Gujarat? Butchered again. Or just a poor guy with a non-technical degree trying my damndest to get a government job? I could have been killed in Assam, or thrashed within inches of my life in Maharashtra . Quite possibly, I could have committed suicide out of sheer frustration, when nobody in Tamil Nadu would have responded to my queries in my accented Hindi or English. Am I exaggerating? Nope. I don’t think so. There was a time when I, being younger and ignorant, used to equate the status of a Bihari in India with that of a cowboy of Texas, both being the butt of a lot of jokes. What a colossal idiot was I! The only bloody thing that is common is the Cow part. Cowboys indeed, it’s more like cow herds. Cowboys are cool, what’s cool about a cow herd?

The reason why quite a few Bihari students land up in IIT’s: “They drop and drop until they end up at an IIT, plus the fact that Bihari students are good at rote learning. “ The explanation given by a fellow class mate when I started college. I had no idea rote learning could get one a seat in an IIT. If only I had made the acquaintance of his greatness earlier! And this very person was antagonistic for some time as I was a B-boy (a felicitous name coined by him). He also called me and the others like me, NRI’s, because Bihar was not a part of India (his idea of a joke).

A common misconception about Bihari students: He is good for only two things. He can be a good student, religiously toiling away, burning midnight oil and whatnot, score high and ultimately steal white collar jobs from the local population of the city he decides to settle in OR He can be a bloody gunda, eve-teasing, politicizing, intimidating and bullying, rambunctious as hell, the root of all evil.

Sometimes the same person can play both the roles.

But there are people like me as well. Neither here nor there. Decent law-abiding birds, who do not spit, eve-tease or create a ruckus.I am also willing to learn the language of the state I am residing in, even if I can get along easily with the help of Hindi and English. I would do so because there are times when I feel inadequate and guilty . Learning the local language would make me feel good and allow me to belong truly and completely .

An incident which involves my friend while he was studying in Pune: My friend had a friend who had a sister. She was being molested on a regular basis by a Marathi Manoos, who was also a student in the same college. After repeated warnings, when the eve-teasing did not stop a gang of unruly Biharis decided to take the matter in their own hands, and thrashed the Manoos. The Manoos complained to the Police. The Police arrested my pal who was not even there. When asked why the Manoos named my friend, he said that he knew my friends name; he did not know most of the others who actually were involved. Along came the Manoos’s father. Very angry, incensed as hell. When the B-boys complained that his son asked for it, Manoos Sr. said, “What is the big deal? My son teased a (Bihari) girl? So what? Happens every day!” And that is that. Owing to the fine fettle that the great state of Bihar is in, there are no good colleges there. So my brethren and I, mostly depend on other states for our higher studies. Some of us were lucky enough to land in Manipal, which is next to paradise. Long live Manipal and the Kannadigas. Thank You! Till this day, I personally cannot complain. I thank God that I did not have to go to any other state. .

An excerpt from a conversation between two fellow students at MIT, Manipal.

Guy A: This dude B really likes you and all.
Gal C: Yeah, I think he is nice. Where is he from?
Guy A: He is from Patna, but he is not like the others. He is different, you have seen for yourself.
Gal C: (Makes a face) Hmmm. Nah.
I am NOT dude B, I wish I was. At least Gal C was interested in Dude B for a fleeting moment.

Had my friend, dude B, been a Punjabi from Delhi, or just from Delhi, that lady would have had no problems in going out with him. I vividly remember how a few of the students from my state would pretend to be from Delhi to hide the "stigma" of being a Bihari in their valiant attempt to appear cooler. There were a few whose families had migrated to greener pastures; they would vehemently deny the charge of being a Bihari, and would completely disassociate themselves from the state. How pathetic is that ?

An old joke, which reflects what Bihar stands for today.

The ideal solution to Kashmir:
Indian PM to Nawaz Sharif/Bhutto/Zardari/Musharraf/Current Despotic Dumbass of Pakistan: We will give you Kashmir but you get Bihar along with it.
Nawaz Sharif/Bhutto/Zardari/Musharraf/Current Despotic Dumbass of Pakistan: Kashmir be damned. We don’t want it. Truce!

Another joke, of its kind.

Japanese premier to Famous politician of Bihar: Give us Bihar and we will make a Japan out of it in 10 years.
Famous politician of Bihar to Japanese premier: Humko Japan dijiye, usko ek saal mein Bihar bana denge. (Give me Japan, and I will make a Bihar out of it in 1)

Louisiana, USA: Bihar of the US, definitely sure that I read it in the TOI. How? Why?

The name of the virulent disease that is plaguing Mumbai: Bihari. Why? Because Mr. T said so “ Ek bihari sau bimari “ ( A Bihari is synonymous to a hundred diseases , or maybe, a bihari is a carrier of hundred diseases literally , take your pick , or go and ask Mr. Thackeray what exactly did he mean )

The munificent compliments that I receive on account of my being fairly fluent in the English language , or due to the absence of the accent which every Bihari is supposedly born with, or (and this is the best of all) my uncanny un-bihari looks ( what the hell is a bihari supposed to look like ? Dark, emaciated, hair dripping with mustard oil, or what? I mean WTF! ) :-

1. You don’t look like to you are from Bihar – Me: I underwent plastic surgery OR Why is that? Do Biharis have horns on their heads? OR I am a Punjabi who was born in Mumbai; my parents were averse to the rich cosmopolitan culture of that great city, so they relocated.
2. Your English is too good for a Bihari – Me: I am sorry; my parents forced me to go an English medium school, which unfortunately had decent teachers.
3. You don’t sound like a Bihari, you don’t speak with an accent - Me: Speech therapy? Larynx transplant? Accent training? My answer depends on the dumbness of the questioner .
4. The way you cuss and swear, it is not very Bihari - Me: I curse, in my best Bihari.
5. Sir, aap Bihar se hain, lagta nahi hai (Sir, It doesn’t seem that you are from Bihar). This one came from a cook who was hired to cook for my friends and I : Me- An expression of incredulity and bewilderedness on my contorted face, mentally hurling abuses at him , and a really big WTF , when I was alone .
6. Man, you should be the Brand Ambassador of Bihar, given that you are so different from the average bumpkin: Hell Yeah. Why not? Moron!
7. An offshoot of # 2 -A Lady, in a train journey, to me – I am an English professor, have heard a lot of Biharis making a mince out of the Queen’s language, but not you - Me: When I was young my mother burned a Webster, a Wren n Martin and a few of the Classics, dissolved the ashes in the holy water from Thames and made me drink it. This is a tried and tested technique; it has worked for my sister as well. (Do not attempt this at home!)
8. Another offshoot of # 2 - Do they have English schools in Bihar? ( An interviewer to my friend, apparently surprised at his command of the English language ) - Me(Had I been there) : No, I went to Eton for my schooling, and then I came back to India to complete my education , you JACKASS !

Maybe I should blush coyly and express my gratitude the next time somebody says something like the aforementioned.

Yesterday, I read in a blog about some sick and twisted bastard who felt that Bihar got what it deserved. That the havoc wrecked by Kosi was befitting. And I have yet to know how earnestly people from the Rest of the India are helping their poor countrymen. I would like to know whether it is being treated at par with the Gujarat earthquake and the Tsunami or not. I hope my fears are allayed. I hope people discard the contempt they usually reserve for Biharis.

There was a time when I wished I was born elsewhere. I do not anymore. I am a Bihari. I am not ashamed of it. And I will not try to hide it. Even if prospective landlords refuse to accept me as a tenant. Even if I am discriminated against. But I do wonder whether it is a curse or not.

An Award

Dear IHM , thanks a million for the award . I am more than honoured ! And was I surprised . I would like to extend the honour to the following :

1. Great Bong , because he is awesome . Brilliant and Funny to the core !

2. Gurudev Rao , for his incredibly informative posts , I have learned a lot from him .

3. Pranoy Maitra , for his radical Random Rantings, which are funny,touching,intelligent and interesting, in varying degress, and sometimes all at the same time .

4.The Screwed Dude , who is indubitably one the best poets I have ever met in my life . If you go through his blog , you won't find a lot of poems to read, but if he does put up all of his gems for display, my oh my, I promise you are in for a treat . I hope this award inspires him to do so .

5.The Naive Indian, which is a misnomer because this dude is far from naive . Keep up the good words brother .

6.Vinod Sharma , for his in-depth analysis of all that's news, another important source of my general knowledge .

7.Virtuality for Real, this lady just blew me away . Her posts on feminism and atheism are simply amazing . Hats off to you ! 

I had no idea I was supposed to do this, so my apologies for the delay . 

Bibliophilia

Books are the way to see the world without moving an inch, said the sedate Mr. Ashok Ganguly in The Namesake (saw the movie, haven’t had the good fortune to read the book as yet, and kudos to Jhumpa Lahiri as well).And it is true to the last letter. Not just see the world, but know it, feel it, love it, hate it, fantasize about it, ruminate over it and be aware of it. Books coupled with an aggressive imagination are the gateway to a plethora of thoughts, sensations and emotions. Reading brings out the best human trait of all, the power to think. When I ponder over Adolf Hitler’s Mein Kampf with an aim to explore his psyche, when I am lost in Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky’s Russia in his Crime and Punishment, when my ribs are tickled pink by the characters created by Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (Jeeves & Wooster, Uncle Fred, Mike & Psmith et al), when I was enthralled by and enamoured of Gregory David Robert’s Shantharam, when I could relate to the lost and outlandish Agastya Sen, courtesy Mr. Upamanayu Chatterjee, when I was in awe of Ayn Rand’s Howard Roark, when I got entangled in the magical, mystical and fantastic world of Eragon created by Christopher Paolini, when I was completely bowled over by the mental prowess and perspicacity of Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes, when I am befuddled and beguiled by Fritjof Kapra’s Tao of Physics, I am ALIVE. When my brain is gushing with blood, when there is an avalanche of thoughts, when I can feel a warm glow in my cranium, when it’s whirring, I am proud of being human. And I thank God for bestowing with me this wondrous and inimitable gift. A book is like a jungle for my mental peregrination, I try to penetrate it with my limited intellect and it impregnates me with limitless thoughts.

I guess reading is in my blood. My father was an avid reader, and he still reads when he can. The same can be said for my mother. I am lucky to have an aunt who encouraged this habit of mine, and brought me my first set of Enid Blyton and encyclopaedias. I read to improve myself, to know more, to learn about things I have never heard of, to put my imagination to test, it is not just a hobby or an activity to engage at leisure. It has been a significant contributor to my weltanschauung. Those who read to pass the time don’t read at all, they are just whiling away with the state of their brain hovering just above the level marked inactive. Amongst all the mediums of communication man has at his disposal, the textual one is the noblest and the most powerful. The pen is mightier than the sword was not said in jest. Not everything in this world can be understood and known through audio and visual means, one has to resort to books.

But sadly, reading is a dying art. TV, movies, video-games, mobile phones and a host of other things have contributed to a decline in the number of book lovers. TV must be at the top, and I think even the cell-phone syndrome is responsible for it. Why not chat to your friends using cool sms lingo (which I absolutely hate)? People would rather watch a 2-3 hour movie at the nearest multiplex than pick up a good book and plough through it. I often come across people who are looking for a suitable gift for someone near and dear, but rarely does the suggestion of buying a book seem to work. It only brings out a disapproving no, and that saddens me. The fact that books are expensive is also responsible. Apart from the classics, the Wordsworth edition of which can be purchased at circa 100 rupees only, you rarely find a book which costs less than two or three hundred. And the better they are, the costlier they get. The number of public libraries in India is an indicator of the reading habits of the populace. In my hometown there used to be a British Library, but alas, it’s no more. And not just here, they are closing down in many other cities as well. Any guesses why ? Where is the person who wants to read but cannot afford to, supposed to go ? This will inevitably lead to , in most of the cases, the death of this habit.

A friend of mine went for an interview, where he was asked about his hobbies. Reading was one of them, and he mentioned that the last book he finished was The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky. As soon as these words left his mouth, one of the interviewers got visibly excited. He was surprised to find readers of Dostoevsky in the Generation X, and lauded him for it as well. And guess what, my friend cleared the interview as well. Moral of the story – Read Good Books, they help you in ways known and unknown .The digital age that we live in has introduced us to e-books. They may be eco-friendly, cheaper and easily available, but they can never surpass the feeling one gets out of holding a book, rifling through its pages, its smell and touch and the associated pride of ownership. Books are not furniture, but what better way is there to furnish a home, said some great man. To summarise in the style of the amicable Mr. Micawber, from Charles Dickens’s David Copperfield, “in short” , Reading ROCKS !



A single book at the right time can change our views dramatically, give a quantum boost to our knowledge, help us construct a whole new outlook on the world and our life. Isn't it odd that we don't seek those experiences more systematically? - Steve Leveen

A truly good book is something as natural, and as unexpectedly and unaccountably fair and perfect, as a wild-flower discovered on the prairies of the West or in the jungles of the East. - Henry David Thoreau

A book is the only place in which you can examine a fragile thought without breaking it, or explore an explosive idea without fear it will go off in your face. It is one of the few havens remaining where a man's mind can get both provocation and privacy. - Edward P. Morgan

Reading confirms your aliveness. It's very validating. That's what book groups ultimately are; you get validated in the human condition--the conditions and puzzles, the good stuff and the bad stuff, the aspirations and hopes and despairs. You're not alone out there. - Rachel Jacobsen

When I read a book I seem to read it with my eyes only, but now and then I come across a passage, perhaps only a phrase, which has a meaning for me, and it becomes part of me . - W. Somerset Maugham

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. - Groucho Marx

A big book is like a serious relationship; it requires a commitment. Not only that, but there's no guarantee that you will enjoy it, or that it will have a happy ending. Kind of like going out with a girl, having to spend time every day with her - with absolutely no guarantee of nailing her in the end. No thanks. - Mick Foley

P.s. – No, I have not been sponsored or hired by any bookstore or chain of bookstores to write this. I wish they had . Could have made some moolah out of it to buy a book . J

I have been Tagged

I have been tagged by Indian Home Maker. So here it goes.

I am: a human, humane, a believer, a thinker, a dreamer (day and night), and an Indian.

I think: a lot, about many things, almost everything under the sun, retributive justice, democracy, quantum physics, the plight of Indian women, literature, history, religion, Computers, movies, etc. etc.

I want: right now, a better job, in the near future, to lead a peaceful life in my country without facing any hostilities from the “Locals”, ultimately, Salvation.

I have: a home, a family, friends, 3 meals a day, a job, citizenship of a democratic country, all my limbs and organs, and I am exceedingly grateful for all of these gifts.

I wish: to live in a united India, to see the complete annihilation of China on all fronts (metaphorically speaking) and to lead a healthy and fulfilling life.

I hate: cats, most of the Indian politicians, China, Indian communists, pretentious and ostentatious people, religious fanatics, intolerance in general, impoliteness, Casteism, rapists, paedophiles, the dowry system, certain aspects of being Human, the list is endless.

I miss: Manipal, not my childhood, not my schooldays, just Manipal, where I spent the best part of my life, my college days; trees in my hometown of Patna, don’t get to see a lot them these days and playing cricket matches as I used to in my teenage.

I fear: living in a divided India, not being a good son, asthmatic attacks, getting married to woman who loves Saas-Bahu soaps, sways to Reshamiya, loves contemporary Indian cinema (starring the likes of Emraan Haashmi and Mallika Sherawat), is disrespectful to my family and does NOT read at all!

I feel: exhilarated when I see natural beauty, proud at events like the successful launch of PSLV or development of Eka, the 4th fastest supercomputer in the world, depressed when I see everyone going for an MBA (in lieu of higher studies in their own fields) for the big bucks, disheartened when people like Raj Thackeray are hailed, guilty and sad when I see the extremely poor, and on cloud nine with a rainbow around my shoulders when I finish a good book or a movie.

I hear: Rock n Roll of the 60’s and 70’s, A.R. Rehman and everything else that my ears approve of.

I fantasize about: doing an RDB on the mother effing scum bags ruling and ruining India, becoming a vigilante serial-killer, being Marcus Antonius, General of the famed Roman Empire under Julius Caesar, going back in time to be an eye-witness to the wars of Ramayana and Mahabharata, and WW II.

I crave: for knowledge, of everything in and around me and my soul mate.

I search: for the meaning of Life, the purpose of our existence, Life beyond Earth (if I had the resources).

I wonder: how different things would have been had people like Bhagat Singh, Azad and Bose been alive and in power after Independence, had Hitler won the WW II, had India been not partitioned, had I been a girl, had Mr. LPY not been in power for 15 years in Bihar and when the hell will I meet my soul mate.

I regret: doing certain stupid things as a child, procrastinating in my college days, drinking more soda than milk and not learning Sanskrit ( How will I explore my Hindu Philosophy ?)

I love: Mahapurush Bhagat Singh, son of the Nation(if Gandhijee is Mahatma Gandhi- Father of the Nation, then Shaheed Bhagat Singh is a Mahapurush and the son of the nation) , India, my family, freedom, Hindu philosophy, trees, peace and solitude, the company of my friends, Google, the internet, books, movies, rock n roll, computers, coding, food, dogs.

I ache: for my soul mate.

I am not: a male chauvinist pig, a religious fanatic, a criminal, a vegan, an advocate of Gay marriages, a crime-fighter by night, a person who can adopt a child and raise it as his own, a big fan of Himesh Reshamiya, Emraan Haashmi, Anu Mallik, Mallika Sherawat, Mahesh Bhatt,Rakhi Sawant, Ekta Kapoor, desi reality TV , Indian news channels .

I believe: in humanity, in violence and non-violence, in God, in extra-terrestrial life, evolution, the big bang theory, capital punishment, karma.

I dance: when the music persuades me to do so, and in my own whacky style.

I sing: Often to myself, but no better than a donkey brays.

I cry: Sometimes, after I saw RDB and TZP, when Mumbai was ripped by blasts again, when I flunked.

I don’t: like to shout at or be impolite to someone and expect the same, like to wait, like to travel alone, like to hurt anyone’s feelings, like being bossed around.

I fight: when my sense of justice has been offended.

I write: to pen down the thoughts bubbling in my head, to express my self, to blow off steam, even just for the hell of it.

I win: when I don’t give up

I lose: when I surrender

I never: eve-tease, had beef, had a girl friend, tried to kill myself.

I always: am trying to improve my vocabulary, try to know more about everything around me.

I listen: like a good listener.

I can usually be found at: Home, as college is over and I am eagerly awaiting my date of joining.

I need: love, warmth, peace, solitude, food for thought, work that interests me, good music, movies and books.

I am : Kislay Chandra

I am supposed to pass the tag to someone else, and I am not really sure who reads my blog. So its an open invitation. I pass this tag to any reader of my blog who is willing.

Anglophobia

Goddamn the Brits. They screwed us and did a great job of it. I remember my history teacher telling me so in class X that we owe a lot to the British as they were the ones who introduced India to modern technology. Did they do that out of pity for the brown and scrawny Indian native, in an effort to ameliorate him? Or did they do that out of a purely selfish motive, to rule us even more tenaciously? They built roads and bridges, laid down telephone lines and railway tracks, for the “benefit” of the poor and downtrodden Indian and shouldn’t we all bow before the queen and hail her in unison. The “exemplary” education system that we were introduced to was designed to produce literate clerks who would understand and obey orders of their English masters. And that education system still prevails. Learning by rote seems to be standard method of imparting education. Apart from a very few institutions, the rest are still enslaved by it. What percentage of Indians encourage their progeny to pursue careers in a field which interests them rather than the one which is the most financially rewarding? How many schools teach in a manner which encourages free and rational thinking, which inculcate into the students to question and to explore every damn thing around them, and not to take things at their face value? I remember through my own personal experience, the treatment doled out to the students who asked “stupid” questions like, “Why does + stand for addition and – for subtraction” or “Why do like charges repel and unlike attract”. On the surface these questions may seem stupid to the superficial learner but they indicate that the enquirer has an inquisitive mind. On a side note, isn’t the mighty British economy built on the Indian wealth those buggers exploited, raped and plundered out of our country? They owe us a lot of money!

Almost every major problem that we face today can be traced to Brits. They divided us on the lines of religion, caste and language. The North-South divide and the nonsensical Aryan Invasion theory was a part of their diabolical design. Through the aid of their stooges, both foreign and Indian, they destroyed our culture systematically, by sowing the seeds of doubt in the Indian mind, and today many Indians question its authenticity, and dismiss it because the west does not approve of it. Ramayana and Mahabharata have devolved into mythology instead of the history they are. It was Chanakya, the great Indian philosopher who gave the theory of “Sam, dam, dand and bhed” and how beautifully was it used against us. Deceive, inveigle and obfuscate, to the hilt!

Over the years English has become my primary language, Hindi, my mother-tongue has become a second-rate citizen. I watch movies made in Hollywood and other parts of the world, the very thought of watching a contemporary Indian movie (with a certain exceptions) makes me cringe. The music is listen to is mostly western, the clothes I wear are western, the TV-shows I watch are all American or English, thanks again to the quality of Indian TV. I look up to the west for confirmation, being an Indian. How sad is that? What part of me is, in a pure and unadulterated manner, Indian? There was a time when anything imported bore the seal of excellence for the Indian mind. At least, things have changed on that front. It seems that most of my identity has been shaped and influenced by the West and has become pseudo-western. But I guess my heart is still Hindustani. But it is indeed depressing and deplorable. India did free itself from the shackles of the British Colonial rule, but the west still rules us. In our thoughts and our actions. It is the modern colonization. The birth of the coke and pepsi drinking, burger and pizza eating, English speaking generation, for some of whom the ultimate goal is settle and abroad and become a part of the West. We speak a macaronic tongue. There was this rickshaw-Walla who did not know where the “sachivalay” was, but jumped into action as heard the word secretariat. Similarly, a watch-man who did not understand “phatak kholo” but did open the gate when he was asked to “open the gate”. Hinglish is in the air. I guess most of the other Indian languages are spoken in a similar fashion. Do we Indians have our own identity? The Germans do, the Japanese do, the English and the Americans most certainly do, what about us? The apparent fact that I am expressing my distress in English bears witness, ironically, to what I said. The British unequivocally made a horrible mess before leaving, but I do realize that my thunderous diatribe against them will not solve any of our problems, but can't we all learn from our past to not to dance to the tunes of divisive poiltics .

An Angry Indian

It seems as if I am losing my identity as an Indian, and the identity borne out of association with a region of India is being forced upon me. Are there people willing me to accept as an Indian first, by virtue of my being on born here, and then label me as per my “attributes”? The ongoing Maharashtra VS North-India spat has shaken my belief in my concept of India as one nation. I chanced upon a forum called Mutiny.in where people were having a very animated and intense debate over this issue. The issue is indeed a very complicated one. Mumbai IS groaning under the weight of so many people. But the migrant workers just cannot be thrown out of the city. The violence used by MNS cannot be justified. The official death toll is still in single digits, but for how long? A street hawker’s arms were chopped off; a man lost his life to stone-pelting. It is foolish to suggest so, but could all this lead to a civil war? The crux of the situation is the fact that if an Indian is not free to live and work in any part of India, it would imply that the rights of the Indian citizen have been usurped. And on a side note, the Pakistanis and the Chinese must be ecstatic over all this infighting. I do wonder why the media is not focusing on the source, the root cause of all this mayhem. The jackasses who have been ruling UP and Bihar for the past 10-20 years. The railway minister who is being hailed by the media like the financial genius of the century, why do people forget that it was under his regime that the state of Bihar was rotting. When asked about why he couldn’t work the same magic with Bihar, his reply was that the state lacked the potential to do so. I can never ever forget that. These politicians, the public servants, the representatives of the poor and the downtrodden deserver a part of the attention, at least. The media should shed some light on these great leaders as well. What else was the poor worker supposed to do? Not just the worker, people from all the classes moved near and far , to foreign countries, to Delhi,Kolkata,Bangalore,Gujerat,Indore and of course Mumbai. I was born and brought up in Bihar, but I studied in Manipal and I most certainly am going to work outside my home state. God help me if I get posted in Mumbai, the way things are, it seems that I will mauled or murdered for being a Bihari. People in this forum were discussing whose state produced more freedom fighters, and whose contribution was more significant, it was absolutely pathetic and ridiculous! And of course, what the hell is North-Indian? Or a South-Indian? I thought I was an Indian. Coming back to the burning issue, this has become one hell of a political circus where nobody seems to be coming up with a realistic, pragmatic, implementable solution. This is just a part of the picture. Apart from unrest in Kashmir and North-East, and the naxalites and the home-grown jehadis, there is a new kid on the block, the armed Gujjar who wants to be treated as a ST. India must be the only country in the whole wide world, where being a part of a community officially labeled as backward has its privileges. The genius, who came up with the idea of reserving seats in the premier institutions on the basis of caste, and not the economic status of the student, has done his country a great service. He has ensured that half of the graduates of these institutions would be sub-standard. He should be given a Nobel Prize for imbecility, if there was one. Why don’t these profound thinkers work on improving the primary education system, why don’t they reserve the seats for the under-privileged in the better schools so that the need for reservation is eliminated? I bet if I could figure out the why part, the epiphany would be nothing less than orgasmic. How hard is it to understand the repercussions of implementing a system, which ensures the admission of a rich kid from a backward caste but denies it to the poor Brahmin? Poverty has no caste or religion, the pangs of hunger are equally excruciating, so is the agony experienced on being denied an opportunity. And how can I forget about the dragon breathing down our neck, China. I do not understand why we fail to see beyond Pakistan, why is the Indian mentality so Pakistan-centric when it comes to enemies. I remember being told to treat India’s victory over Pakistan in WC 2003 as a win in the finals, that it was as good as winning the world cup. We have a history with Pakistan and there is a reason for the enmity. What reason did China have to invade us in 1962? The 1962 Sino-Indian debacle, thanks to political leadership, makes me writhe in agony and shame. It was a war that could have been won, but was lost. An unpredictable enemy is the most dangerous of all. China keeps bullying us, keeps denying us a chance to get a permanent seat in the UNSC, questions our claim over Arunachal Pradesh, but the government wags its head in unison over the Tibet issue for China. Why Oh Why? What is the government afraid of? Another war? Total annihilation of India by China? I cannot disagree that China is a powerful enemy, but is any country in this world powerful enough to make us dance to their tune? Are we a nation that spineless? I sincerely hope I am wrong. I cannot forget the horrendous incident when BDR killed 15 BSF soldiers, and then mutilated their body beyond recognition. Why the hell did a nation like India tolerate a barbaric act like that? What infuriates, incenses and humiliates me the most is that the perpetrator was a poor, pathetic and weak nation like Bangladesh. We freed those ungrateful bastards and this is what we get back. Bangladesh has now become the new breeding ground for anti-Indian extremists. The political establishment of this country seems to be too bogged down by their vote-bank politics to take concrete measures. The 6^th pay commission was nothing but a slap in the face of the armed forces. If the soldiers defending this country do not come first, who does ? The IAS officers ? Or the old farts polluting the Parliament and the Legislative Assemblies ? There is a dearth of more than 10,000 officers in the armed forces . How is this deficit going to be compensated for ? By reservation , I guess ! God save my motherland !

End of an Era

8^th September 2003 was the day I came to Manipal to start my journey as a student of engineering. Owing to my year back, it has been more than 4 years since. And now, I have to leave this wonderful, beautiful, idyllic paradise (for me) in a few days. I shall be bidding my dear Manipal adieu on 6^th of June, 2008. These 1734 days (to be precise) were the best, the golden days as I like to call them. I doubt whether any other place in this wide world would ever mean so much to me. Time alone can answer that, but for now I am deeply in love with Manipal. The metamorphosis from an oversensitive, immature and ignorant teenager to a relatively mature latitudinarian can be ascribed to Manipal and Manipal alone. Before coming to this place, I had the knowledge of the English Language and was fairly capable of expressing myself on paper, but when it came to speaking, I would get lost. Thanks to the multicultural multilingual atmosphere of Manipal, I am fairly fluent in oral expression. This is just one the many things that changed me for good. I made the best of my friends here, and a wide variety of them too. I had a first hand glance at the multifarious India. My taste in books, movies, music and food, my outlook towards life, in fact my entire weltanschauung was moulded here. The clean, green, pollution and population free environment is nothing less than a utopia for me. The freedom and isolation from the wicked world was almost like a hospitable womb. A person coming from my background can ask for nothing more. Add to this the fact that MU has one the most happening campuses in India. What else does a student need? A good education as well, but what the hell, you can’t have everything, can you? To be honest, it was average at worst. But I still don’t regret coming to this place. And I never will. I pity those miserable fools who came to Manipal and left this place just with a degree, and no memories or friends. And I positively loathe those people who claim to hate this place. I simply cannot fathom how anyone can hate Manipal. As I am about to leave, I wish I could visit all those places I used to frequent once again. I sincerely wish that Manipal could be personified (preferably as a female), so that I could profess my undying love for her, tell her how badly am I going to pine for her, embrace her, cry over shoulders and kiss her goodbye. But alas, I will have to contend with one last look at Udupi Railway Station. I love you Manipal and I shall love you forever.