How to dismantle a terrorist camp

Question : What do you get when you attack a major Indian city using 10 misled youth , take it hostage for a few days while slaughtering hundreds over the period ?

Answer : You get 11 frustrated Pakistani Cricketers , and , I still can't believe it though , a retributive Pakistani Government . "We will pay you back in kind" was what they have said .

Wow.

And you get this after 1 year, 1 month and 27 days. Well, isn't payback a bitch ? :D We all must be so proud and happy that justice has been served , at last .

But the kind of sick,twisted and vindictive person I am , I am not even close to being content . I want the Lions of our GoI to ban the export of Tea and Fairness cream to Pakistan . That would be a more befitting reply . Yeah . Let those Paki's simmer for a while without fairness creams and Indian tea as well . Let's show them who has got the balls .

And if you take a few more stringent measures like these , then the giant and intricate terror breeding network , and the hate-mongering nation of Pakistan will be on its knees , gasping for a chance to participate in IPL , among many other things .

That is how you dismantle a terrorist camp , and eventually a terrorist state . :D

An Angry Indian - II

This is partly a response to a comment by Yaamyn on my last post “saveajmalkasab.org”, and partly, my demented droning.

Thank you. I appreciate your candour. But I do not expect my views to be endorsed by anyone. Nor do I expect any empathy from anyone, about how I feel or how badly I am hurt. These are just words; they do not portray my true emotions. I think the friends I live with wonder whether I need psychiatric help or not. One may think that how come an individual who was not even in the proximity of Mumbai attacks or its after effects can feel so bad, but then, that is me, I take it personally. I did not lose anyone personally in this attack , or the countless other attacks in the past 20 years or so ; but I have shed tears , experienced anguish and most importantly , I have lost my fellow Indians , who I foolishly think of as my own .

Maybe, Suzanne Arundhati Roy is a good social activist. She could be the secular humanist that she claims to be. But her latest article is a like the invective of the mother-sister type to my motherland. She has more or less justified the attacks on the Indian soil. And that is my problem. And to be fair, if she is the secular humanist she claims to be, where was she when Kashmiri Pandits were being butchered and driven out of the valley? This is an honest question and I do not know the answer to it. India, at this hour, needs hard-core nationalists, brimming with patriotism, and no other mother-effing "ism" would suffice.

Ajmal Kasab is NOT an Indian. Therefore he should not be defended by one. I bet the law states otherwise, but in the light of what he has done to India, I stick to what I said. Ask the Pakistanis to do it. Or he can defend himself, if no one comes forward. But treat him like the war criminal / enemy combatant he is. That would be FAIR. No Indian should represent him. For me, the legal aid given to Kasab by Indian citizens would constitute an act of utmost disrespect to those who lost their lives. In all fairness, you can be fair only to a limit , a line has to be drawn somewhere .

"The hallmark of an egalitarian society is to provide equal norms and procedures of justice to EVERYONE. Even a Kasab." - It would NOT be egalitarian in the context of 200-400 people who lost their lives. There are exceptions to every rule, and this has to be treated as one .

The fact that some of my fellow Indians object to his not being represented by an Indian is reflection of the sad state of affairs in this country. Even when in dire straits, this nation, which has the hopes of being a superpower, cannot unite and its reaction appears frayed. I strongly feel that those who died are history with just a month gone since that terrible day, and there are many amongst the educated us who are too keen on projecting themselves as democratic and civilized, by making an issue of this. They want to be saints , while all I want is for us to be human , and with the many flaws a human has , say NO , in one loud UNITED voice , to all the goddamned BULL-SHIT that has been going on . I want them to stop being politically correct and learn to call a spade a spade. Quoting Gandhiji and talking about "Truth and Non-Violence" is not good enough. Though I have indirectly suggested that Kasab should be shot like a rabid dog, it is not what I want. That was just a heat-of-the-movement remark. I want him tried, but not defended by an Indian, and then hanged, as he deserves it. I pity the bloody fool, and I pity his accursed parents even more. To be brainwashed to such an extent that one would kill just about anyone, in cold blood. And I often wonder what his parents must be going through. But that does not make me blind to the cold, hard facts that stare you into the face. And I wish people would see that, instead of ranting incessantly about "secularism and democracy" and "truth and non-violence”. And I do not think I have to spell it out for anyone what I am talking about. If you don’t get it, I don’t give a damn. If you do get it and are offended by it, I still don’t give a damn. The others, please, do give a damn!

A thousand curses and eternal damnation to the Antulay’s,Achuthnandan’s and Patil's of India. They reaffirm my faith in the fact that politics has stooped to unimaginably low levels. Ditto to the Roy’s. Does social activism involve cursing your own country and showing it in a bad light to the World? World Citizen my ass! Indian first. One fifth of the entire humanity first. And the way our Government is acting, I feel more like eunuch with each passing day. I pray that I am proved wrong. But then again, the cynic in me says that we will be back to square one soon, peace talks, cricket matches and exchanging artists and culture, and the media will be the co-instigator of this charade. Pakistan will get away with it, and India would have been smelly-middle-fingered again. When a nation could not punish a country as weak and pathetic like Bangladesh for killing and mutilating the bodies of her soldiers, what hope is there? And the BJP was in power in that time. I wonder why “they” did not do anything.

I want peace , and equality , and justice for all , because that is what my "dharma" is all about , BUT , at what price ? The honour of my Mother India? Never! How can I dream about World Peace when my own home is far from peaceful ? We need a Chanakya and "sam,dam,dand,bhed" more than ever . And if you think I am a right-winder as my rants might suggest , let me just tell you , I don't give a fuck about any of the so called "wings" . I am an Indian, a proud, crazy, somewhat jingoistic Indian, and that is where it begins and ends. Long live my Motherland!

"saveajmalkasab.org"

"saveajmalkasab.org" - A web-site dedicated to ensure and safe guard the rights of Mohammed Ajmal Kasab. The plan is still in the pipelines. My inspiration for this proposed website is "saveafzalguru.org”. My twisted mind says that if a man convicted for attacking the Indian Parliament and the death of mere 7 people is still alive , then why not him ? Let me explain. Afzal Guru is a Kahmiri, right (not a Kashmiri Pandit, who gives a damn about them anyways), and he has suffered a lot under the “Indian Occupation forces”. So that eventually led him to plan and execute that attack. So put your imagination to test , and try and fathom as to how much Kasab , and his compatriots must have suffered , being Pakistanis , which has been the” victim of terror” since its inception, that resulted in them getting involved in Mumbai,26/11 ? That is precisely why our fellow sickular, dhimmi and human-rights activist Arundhati Roy , wrote that 8 pages long article, which more or less justifies terrorist attacks on Indian soil. On a side-note, “we sympathize with those who lost their lives, strongly condemn the attack, and reiterate that Terrorism has no religion”(Sorry, but we had to bore you with all this BS to preserve our image). If this poor and downtrodden man is denied his rights and killed in a public like a rabid dog, it would be the gravest possible act of injustice. So I beg of you my fellow Indians , I implore that you not listen to the “right” side of your brain , but your left one . (Linear reasoning and language functions such as grammar and vocabulary often are lateralized to the left hemisphere of the brain. Is that why right-wingers come off as a bunch of fools? ) . Well, I apologize for cracking that insane PJ. I must say that normal, patriotic, "right"-minded citizens of the democratic republic of India may disagree with me on this one, but my fellow sickular, dhimmi and "human"-rights activists will definitely agree with me. And whether you like it or not, there are quite a few of us around. And our voices are HEARD! So :P to all the others , and three cheers to Roy,Haskar and Setalvad. Here is list of my or should I say our(sickular,dhmmi and human-rights activists) demands.

1. To provide him with scrumptious non-vegetarian food , prepared by the best chef's of our 5 star and 7 star hotels . The fact that he nearly destroyed on the best hotels of India , should be overlooked , as it was just a minor part of the Great Conspiracy hatched by some evil men , whose nationality we are not sure of (We hope it turns out to be the Axis of Evil, India-Israel-USA) . To do otherwise i.e. force veggie food down his throat, would be a further violation of "human rights" of this "HUMAN" . It would be tantamount to persecution of a member of the minority group , as vegetarianism is somewhat of a Hindu thing . And if and when , terrorists hijack some plane or the other , and demand his release , how would an emaciated Kasab resume his duties of being the "Butcher" he is ? The hijackers might even scratch the deal on account of this. And handling an Ak-47 on a vegetarian diet , is no mean feat , nearly impossible . Ask any Pakistani, ooops , I mean anyone who has handled one .

2.A narco-analysis , brain-mapping and every other similar test should be conducted on him . God willing , he may say the truth we all are itching and dying to hear : "Fooled you suckers! I am a Hindu born hate-mongering Hindutva-hailing right-winger . The VHP brainwashed me . The RSS trained me . And I am the brain child of the BJP . Three cheers to Hindutva . Long live Hindu-Zionism". Now this is just a wild guess , but if it were possible to borrow that latest technology from the Japanese , and try and read Kasab's mind , I guess the 2 pictures that are bound to come up is :
1 . One saffron Om in his right-side of the brain
2. One star of the David in the left side
(I apologize again for this was a PJ as well)
Which would conclusively prove what our peace loving neighbour's (led by Zaid Hamid)have been saying all along , he is Hindu-Zionist(Remember the sacred thread on his wrist ?) . In that case, my fellow sickular, dhmmi and human-right-activists will drop vociferating for his cause instantly, and let him fend for himself.

On a side note, we are quite willing to overlook, give it a complete miss-in-the-baulk, if he is subjected to third/fourth/fifth, any degree of torture to make him say that the death of Mr. Karkare and the others was not a co-incidence, but a part of the elaborate and diabolical conspiracy hatched by the Axis of Evil .We would still drop his case, but it would make us and Mr.Antulay, ecstatic for sure.

3. To let him enjoy what he was going to enjoy if he had not been captured alive. The 72 virgins! We should first ascertain what his sexual preferences are, and then cater to it accordingly. Personally, I would be glad if it turned out that he swings the other way. India has a skewed-up sex ratio. We can do without having to share 72 of our best and beautiful with Kasab. But then again, as our good old PM said, the minorities have the first right to our resources (even the human resources), so maybe he deserves even more. Make it 144!

4. Legal Aid. Ajmal Kasab is NOT a Pakistani. We still are not sure of his nationality. There is NO concrete evidence in the favour of this argument. Hell, how can the President of a “peaceful, democratic, victim-of-terrorism” nation like Pakistan lie? If he says he is not a Pakistani, then he is NOT. He is NOT an enemy combatant, caught killing the civilians of India, red-handed. He is NOT an enemy alien. How can he be an alien? India and Pakistan were one nation 61 years ago, right ? He is more like our estranged brother, or cousin. He is just a poor, misled, brain-washed youth, who was also hypnotized and drugged by some evil men (hopefully, the masterminds of the Axis of Evil), to spray bullets till he died. He deserves nothing but the very best of Legal Brains of India. And those legal brains, who agree to help him, need not worry about one thing for sure. For the rest of their lives, no matter what they do, they will be hailed as the true defenders of secularism and human rights. As good as getting it tattooed on your forehead. So go for it lawyers.

5. Ban the VHP/BJP/RSS and every other organization related to them. Why are you surprised? I know it is not directly related to this issue, but what the hell, how we can let go of any opportunity for hollering that? And who knows, it is not out of the realms of possibility that they are directly or indirectly responsible for what happened. After all, they are the Devil's own on this planet and in some known and some unknown ways, responsible for every damn thing that is wrong with this country.

By the way, we won't mind at all if this demand is never met. I mean what will my sickular, dhimmi and human-rights activists brethren and I do, if these devils go out of business. Don't you think Superman will get bored if Lex Luthor stops being bad. We angels do need to keep ourselves busy and in the "right" frame of mind. I mean, isn't an empty mind a devil's workshop?



And if the domain name "saveajmalkasab.org" has not already been registered, please ,my fellow sickular, dhimmi and human-rights activists, get it done ASAP. Long live our kind , may our tribe increase, and death to Hindu-Zionism!



p.s. This is a satire, a seething one, if somebody failed to get it. My apologies if my lunatic ranting, my angry diatribe, hurt any Indian’s sentiments’. I guess I have been more disturbed by 26/11 then I thought . And this is the only way I can express my anger and indignation for what has been going on since that ill fated day. I still cannot understand as to how can someone equate Kasab and his kind to a human? Maybe the definition of “human” has changed. I guess the definition of an Indian has changed as well. Mr. Antulay and his kind could be classified as Indians then.

Being an Indian

I have been ranting and raving about the pros and cons (mostly, sadly) of being a Bihari. And it struck me how hard; or rather intricate is the state of being an Indian. Suddenly, Jinnah’s two nation theory seems like the babble of a deaf-mute 5 year old. India is a thousand nations. And maybe it will be divided on those grounds someday. That is definitely not I want. But who knows what happens next.

People fight. That is an indelible trait embedded in our genes, I guess. Allow me to digress. I am a not-so-regular viewer of an incredibly sarcastic TV show with elements of dark and sometimes twisted and sick humour in it, called SouthPark. In this show, a couple of episodes titled Go God Go I and II were aired some time back. It started with Richard Dawkins and atheism. And after much hullaballoo over Darwinism and Intelligent Design, one of the characters gets to the Future, centuries from now, as a result of a freak accident. And guess what was going on in the future? People stopped believing in God or religion, they said Oh My Science instead of Oh My God, BUT, they were still fighting. They were fighting over something called the Ultimate Question, and whose answer was the right one. The bottom-line is obvious. Coming back to the big bad world, while people all fight over different issues, one issue per region, in India, we seem to have the complete range. We have religion, obviously, the numero uno. Followed by caste, which has many sub divisions. Language is a one; the Aryan-Dravidian nonsense is another. I firmly believe that even this Aryan invasion theory was a diabolical fabrication by the Brits to further ease their job in India. And how can I forget women. Men and women in India have been fighting a silent war, and one look at the sex-ratio would tell you what the casualty count is. Around 35 million females. Damn all the men who consider women as second-rate citizens. A woman is a mother. Period. And nothing else can surpass that. (Feminists, please don’t jump at my throat if you think I was implying that a women is only good enough to bear and rear children)

Hindu Jaagaran Morcha. An outfit to avenge the deaths of Hindus by IM/SIMI. I felt weird, sick and confused, all at the same time, when I heard of their doings. So that is how a decent, law-abiding, patriotic Muslim feels when some jackass who claims to be a believer in God and a follower of Islam blows up something. I am aghast and ashamed. And thank the Almighty that this was not swept under the rugs. Speaking of terror and terrorists, we seem to have almost all kinds of them.

1. Good old Islamic terrorist
2. The greenhorn Hindu “jihadi”
3. The Naxalites , MCC, CPI-ML , PWG and so on
4. The Upper-caste army of Landlords who came into existence to counter no.3
5. The Khalistani militants, which I guess are not as dormant as commonly perceived
6. Naga Terrorists (Aren’t they Christians?)
7. ULFA
8. BD - If you rape a nun in the name of God, you are a terrorist for me.
9. Every bloody rioter

My apologies if I forgot to mention anyone.

That’s terrorism in diversity for you people. Be Proud. You could only have that in a country like India. “It happens only in India”! And we only need Buddhist, Jain and Parsee terrorists to complete the beautiful picture. No offence intended!

Whenever somebody blows up or kills someone in the name of something or the other, I am reminded of a dialogue from the movie Sarfarosh, where the character called Inspector Saleem says so”Apne desh ke dushman bohot kismet waale hain, unhe bas hathiyar bhejne ki zaroorat hai, ladne waale bohot mil jayenge” (The enemies of India are really lucky, as they have to furnish the guns and the bombs only, the soldiers to fight their wars are in plenty). Very true.

A thousand curses and eternal damnation to the media. They are the worst amongst the worst. Show me the whole picture, I’ll choose the part which seems right to me. I would like to know whether the ad for the grade IV examination conducted by the railways was really brought out only in the Hindi newspapers or not. But I don’t think I am ever going to discover that through the media. Is investigative journalism dead, or in a coma? All the media seems to show is what depresses, demoralize and disgusts, sometimes all at the same time. Is it that hard to look for stories that are good for the Indian spirit?

Ever heard of the word “illad”? Not Homer’s Iliad. I-L-L-A-D. This is the one word that I absolutely hate with every fiber of my body. This word stands for one of the major flaws with the mindset of the Indians (hailing from the states other than Karnataka, Kerala, TN and AP). This is like blasphemy for me. For those of you, who have not heard of it, an “illad” is the more affectionate term used to address (indirectly) the people of the Southern states, or “South-India”. It was quite a commonly used part of the vocabulary of the average Manipal-ite. Every time I hear it, I feel as if somebody used the invective of the mother-sister type for me. Even though I hail from a state up north, it stings. And the morons who drop it at the drop of hat from their mouths evidently do not realize how wrong and criminally insensitive they are. A few months ago, while dining in a restaurant, I overheard a girl saying” Delhi ke neeche sab south hai.” (Everything below Delhi is South for me). Sure you do bitch. Who the hell taught you geography, and history for that matter? I would go wild with ecstasy if the words “North-Indian” and “South-Indian” were officially banned.And while I am on the subject of name calling, I equally loathe and detest how Indians from the North-East get labeled as "Chinkies" . That is again , seriously fucked up . They are treated as if they are foreigners , no wonder some of them do want to secede from India .When will we stop seeing each other as illad's, chinkie's,bhaiyya's,ghati's and whatever-other-stupid-names-we-have ?

Amidst all the anti-Bihari vibe tingling the nation’s spine, sometimes I feel like a Jew. I guess the displaced Kashmiri Pandits feel the same, refuges in their own home. The Sikhs during ‘84 riots must have felt the same. Also the Muslims in ‘93 and ‘02. And the Christians in Orissa and in Karnataka. I bet the busload of elderly Marathi women and men touring Bihar, who were caught in the middle of the ruckus, felt something close. At least they escaped unscathed, thanks to the local MP and the Police. And I am alive, amen to that. Which brings this thought to my disturbed mind, who’s going to be the next “Jew” of India?

Amidst the chaos and the cacophony, I often wonder, when, or rather how would it end? Would it ever end? Or Is this the beginning of the End? For a guy like me, who thinks a lot about these things (contemplation, retrospection and introspection being one of my preferred activities to engage at leisure), for whom these things matter, it is extremely disturbing. I am often lost; thinking about how things could have been or rather should have been. While people often think about Superheroes and fantasize about being one (including yours truly), I, more often than not, end up conjuring up a fantasy of a Super India. An India that was economically stronger, with a uniform distribution of wealth. An India that beat the living daylights out of China and was significantly more powerful (In my fantasies we annihilated China in 1962 and asked Tibet to join the Indian Union, and they gleefully did., ditto in the Bangladesh war, and we also did not lose the piece of land now known as Pok). An India which files thousands of patents a year. An India which spear heads the development of green technology. An India which sends a manned mission to Mars before others do. As secular and democratic as no nation has ever been. And so on, and so forth. What an incorrigible day-dreamer am I! Which is why when jolted back to the real India, I actually feel physical pain. I feel a throbbing in my head and a searing pain in my heart.

The reason why I don’t watch a lot of football or have a favourite team – Does my country play this game? Does any club from my country play this game, on an international level? Then who do I root for? Why should I scream the blood out of my lungs? No Tricolor, No testosterone-driven-adrenaline-powered-crazy-cheers. As a result I am an unbiased and a neutral spectator of Football. This is a testament to how insanely tricolored-track my mind is. And I am proud of it. I also wonder whether not being such a die-hard, somewhat jingoistic patriot would have actually been good for my mental health.

When I am so bogged down by the bloody mess that we live in, I often think of the easiest way out. Quite obviously, things wouldn’t get fixed over the period of a 3 hour sorry ass Indian movie, with people from all over India singing “Saare jahan se accha” or the national anthem, arms linked together and all. I am not suicidal or even close to suicidal but there are times when I wish I would get knocked down by a speeding bus. Or get blown to bits in the next bomb blast, assuming another one takes place. At times, it is all I think, how wonderful it will be to disappear from the face of this earth and never ever come back (temporarily though, because I am a believer of the Hindu theory of the cycle of birth and death). Am I unhinged to think like this? I guess a short trip to the loony bin wouldn’t hurt that much.:) At least, I would be in the company of certified lunatics, who have the failed, the “test-of-sanity” of this whacky world.

I heard about some book or the other through a pal in which the author anatomizes the concept of India, and concludes that it exists in theory alone. I tried to Google more about this, but couldn’t find anything concrete. But it does make me think a lot these days. My increasingly depressing thoughts aside, this is a serious question indeed. Is the concept of India as a secular, democratic, multi-cultural and multi-lingual nation too utopian to be true? Or is this just a phase which will pass over, and we will get back to our old “chalta-hai” attitude. Is it just plain old crazy me who is having doubts? My belief system has taken such a severe hit that the words India and Indian bring a sardonic smile to my lips these days .

Being Indian is no joke.

Time to curl back in my cocoon and let my imagination run wild. “What ho, Jeeves! Bring me a stiff w & s. Pip pip Cruel World. “