Love is tyrant

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.” - Neil Gaiman

Love is terrible. I believe it is a juggernaut, hell bent on demolishing who you are. Love cannot create before it destroys. Love demands sacrifice. It needs blood. Your blood. Your old self must die at the altar of love. You cannot be you and be in love, truly and deeply. Your old self needs to perish and give rise to newer one. Love is humiliating. It wants your submission, your sense of self. It is a force that once you reckon with, will humble you. There is no sense of control but only surrender.

Consider the state of motherhood. You physically and mentally undergo a change. Painful change. The same goes for fathers and although the change is less obvious, it does occur. Parents change a lot for their kids. Most of them also love their offspring very much. The easy thing about it is that Mother Nature designed us for it. We have the blood connection to fall back on when the going gets tough.

However, when it comes to love between two individuals not related by blood, things get complicated. The old self refuses to die. The ego doesn't want to budge. Your sense of superiority or pride, take your pick, raises its ugly head. Change is hard, we already know that. Changing for love is even harder. Biology compels us to change for our offspring but Psychology meddles a bit too much when it comes to changing for your love. What if it doesn't work out? What if I have to change more than the other person?  Why should I give up being me? Isn't that unfair? But then, aren't you giving up me to be a, better “we”? If the very notion is revolting to you then what business is it of yours to even be in love? 

"To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best." - William Thackeray

It all boils down to the flexibility of your emotional self. How quickly can the two of adapt to each other to create a unified entity. I know it sounds so tacky. Haven't we heard this before? They became one in love. They are two bodies but one soul. Blah-blah-blah yada-yada-yada! You can only learn through your own experiences. No one can make you believe this.

What does religion says about love? Hindu philosophy states that becoming one with God involves letting go of your meagre, tiny, inconsequential existence, dissolving your ego and embracing the supreme consciousness. Can you imagine how difficult it must be? Can you imagine denying the perceivable reality of your flesh, bones, ego and self to acknowledge a greater and apparently invisible reality? How do even get there? I believe that is why we need to learn how to be in love. How else will you learn how to be one with the supreme if you can't be one with women and men?

Love is such a fucking tyrant! It has no sense of fairness or justice. It wants what it wants, and you are not getting anywhere without giving in to it. Damn all the sweet, sappy, cuddle filled notions of love! Love is beautiful. It gives meaning to life and a sense of purpose. But it definitely isn’t easy.

"Can there be a love which does not make demands on its object?" - Confucius

Kislay Calling Kislay

Hi Kislay ,

This is Kislay . You might think 0f it as weird , that Kislay is calling you . And why ? Because aren't you Kislay ? So who the hell is this other Kislay . Well , you know what Quantum Mechanics says , that The Universe is one GOOGLE-ish number of possibilities , and I am one just one of them . To simplify things , you may assume that you chanced upon a futuristic time capsule . Anyways , here is the story .

If you continue doing what you are doing right now , then in some time you are going to end up in a Big Reality TV Show . You know , where in order to achieve the Honour of being the 'Hapest Aind Hapining' , you will have to make 3 pairs of shoes of crocodile leather by hunting 7 ferocious crocodiles , win over Laetitia Casta and Monica Bellucci as well , become the President of your dumb ass Housing Society , Do an Item Number with 6 pack FLABS , Act in a Saas Bahu soap for 7 days ( more than that would critically devastate your psyche , 1 month would wipe the very trace of an alert and aware Consciousness from you , Beware ) , And yes , the one of the prime importance , swear as much as you can , that your words are basically construed as one incoherent string of bleeps and bloops . Kind of like , Bleep bleep is such a bleeping bleepy bleep , by Bleep ! Bleep ! Bleep ! :D

And by the way , you will also change your fairness cream . For nowadays , the World and their husbands including grand parents and children , they all bleeping bleep use , the Plasma of Life . This is not your ordinary , two bit , mutation inducing cream , that will alter your genes to become a Melanine free cancer prone version of a Caucasian in just 93.62 bleeping hours ( Not that all Caucasians are cancer prone ) , but it is one which even God uses while he goes tanning( Essentially proving that God is white , ergo he needs a fashionable tan :P ) . It is a God Tanned Cream ! More about it later .

And yes, you will also start dressing like an English Man . For Bhura Indian Research Institute has just declared , breaking news style , that for the diverse Indian weather , the only one complete range of suitable apparel for it is what the English wear ( Technically , any white person would do ) . So get your homburg and tweed and Italian hand crafted shoes ready chappie , jaldi karo .

And one very very important thing . Now you are no longer single . Well , actually you our are not even a couple dude , or a triple , or any number in the vicinity , for your life changed . You are the proud Master of some 7272 women . And all of that happened when you started using Axe , wearing Armani , applying Fair and Handsome , brushing your teeth using Close Up , painting your house with Asian Paint , wearing Macro Man's , using Naughty Rabbit shaving foam, and finally , when you built your home using a bleeping HDFC home loan , with, JK Cement . This became possible through the boundless efforts of Biologists and Statisticians , who conclusively proved that Men think the best , when their blood is somewhere else , which inspired diabolically Genius Marketing Executives to come with all these awe inspiring sex life changing products ( in some cases , they alter sexual preferences ) . Therefore , all men now have not even an iota of any inhibition , run after beautiful women/men all the time . Ah , Finally simpler times . :) My Male Chest is Puffed , with pride . :)

So you understand Kislay , that if you continue to be the over thinking over analysing , as Tool says , and a fool of the first water , as Wodehouse very nicely puts , the future holds all these nice things for you . And listen you nincompoop . I can't get to you if you don't use Vodafone , I don't trust the others . And if possible , use a mid-to-high end Nokia set with 3 G and Wire Less capability . It puts a lot less strain on me , considering that I am a kind of an astral being mate . So take a chill pill , ok ?

And one very important last thing . Sorry for dragging it on yaar . You absolutely must give up Mik and Milk Products , and live soley on Diet Soda and TGIF Cocktails . All that paneer, milk , cheese , curd and shakes your fat behind and rotund tummy feasted on has made me Lactose Intolerant . It is against the law now to break wind , neither in public , nor in private , thanks to exceptional sociological and sociopathic brilliance of the Indian Moral Police Force . Seriously , Kislay , you need to get a grip on just this one tiny little problem of yours . The rest is a smooth sail . And btw , don't squeal it to your room mate .

So do as I say . I will be calling regularly to check on you . Pay your bleep-damned bleeping bills on time .

Cheerio

Kislay ( v4.22+e26FF )

How to dismantle a terrorist camp

Question : What do you get when you attack a major Indian city using 10 misled youth , take it hostage for a few days while slaughtering hundreds over the period ?

Answer : You get 11 frustrated Pakistani Cricketers , and , I still can't believe it though , a retributive Pakistani Government . "We will pay you back in kind" was what they have said .

Wow.

And you get this after 1 year, 1 month and 27 days. Well, isn't payback a bitch ? :D We all must be so proud and happy that justice has been served , at last .

But the kind of sick,twisted and vindictive person I am , I am not even close to being content . I want the Lions of our GoI to ban the export of Tea and Fairness cream to Pakistan . That would be a more befitting reply . Yeah . Let those Paki's simmer for a while without fairness creams and Indian tea as well . Let's show them who has got the balls .

And if you take a few more stringent measures like these , then the giant and intricate terror breeding network , and the hate-mongering nation of Pakistan will be on its knees , gasping for a chance to participate in IPL , among many other things .

That is how you dismantle a terrorist camp , and eventually a terrorist state . :D

Math, God and Time Travel

1 and 0.

1 is Force.

0 is energy.

They exist as 11, which is when force is in abundance, and destroys.

When energy is added to force, when zeroes are added at the end of a 1, we all know what happens. And everything can be expressed in terms of 1 and 0 .

They exist as 00, when an abundance of energy creates.

And they exist in the quantum state of 10 or 01, which their simultaneous and balanced existence, also known as the state of preservation.

When there is a balance between the two, then it is said to be in a state of preservation. The three of them co-exist, as the Trinity in Hindu Philosophy, as the 3 physical dimensions, as the biological processes of birth, life and death, and in many other unseen, unheard or inexperienced ways.

Force needs energy. It is the concentrated form of energy. Energy is channel less without force. What will energy ride, in absence of force? But what does not ride, and cannot be rode, what needs no medium, no complementing entity, is Time.

Force is 2 dimensional. It is a vector. Energy is 1 dimensional. It is a scalar. Together, they are the third dimension. Time is like the blanket wrapped around the three dimensions. It is always there, containing it all. For can you ever tell when was there no time?

Force and Energy together create what we can see, touch and hear as the 3 dimensional structures we are and contained in , and the World around us is permeated by what we cannot see, hear or touch, by what we only have a limited sense of, Time.

That’s God. And it manifests itself in so myriad ways, and that it would be foolish attempting to quantify it. And it is expressed in so many different languages, by so many different religions and is so many different shades and hues. What else can it be but God? And an Avatar of God seems to be the incarnation of a balanced form of Force and Energy. I do not know whether the physical manifestation of an Avatar can be substantiated or not, but the concept exists.

Suddenly time travel makes sense. Say, there is a very small, but very discrete unit of time. Something a lot smaller than a second, say t. Then at the end of some duration of t, something which is sort of like a snapshot of our 3 dimensional World is being saved. So, we have a super map, which contains every moment. We need to figure out how to map our sense of space and time, say 15th August, 1947 A.D. at the Red Fort, New Delhi, to find out the right co-ordinates from that super map, so that we can reach there. And this is for going back into the past. The future would be a lot more difficult, because we need to figure out the how, as well as the where, which region of the super map. Now, what all the Sci-Fi books and movies have been trying to show makes sense. :) Warp time.

Reflect on the Genius of Einstein. He gave us the equation of energy. E equals mc squared. That IS mind blowing. And theoretical explanations of time travel are supported by his theories.

What inspired what I wrote above? Flat Land. Read about it and check it on you tube. It blew me away, because may be, deep down, I am in love with Mathematics, but I just cannot express it the way Mathematicians do. And I apologize if I wasted your precious time.

Love, Marriage, Philosophy and Physics

You won't believe it that I wrote this. Me, who worships the Gods of Bachelorhod every day . The guy who cannot bear to be addressed by honeyed words of the “honey,sweetie,cutie,babe” kind. Yes . I did write this . Stuff about love and marriage. At the cost of being banned for life from ze Cool Boys Club, I did write this.

A nocturnal conversation between the man who is my father, my teacher and my best friend, and yours truly , imbibed me with the following facts, mythological facts if you want it that way. And I digested them, and came up with this .

Ram is known as Marayada Purushottam Ram, the ideal man . Ideal man , he WAS , but the ideal husband he wasn't . He failed to perform his “patni-dharma” , and their marriage was tested and failed . It is as simple as that . There is nothing blasphemous about it . No Sir . No religious sentiments can be hurt by this one . This is the way it happened . And the conclusion is , that ideal man he was, he could not be the ideal husband. He loved her, but the affairs of his kingdom caught with him, and ruined his marriage.

The day , and I don't what day is it or what is it called , on which Ram and Sita were married is considered to be the unholiest day for marriage . Now don't go on shredding this logic by asking for scientific facts supporting this argument . Just look at it, as abstractly as possible , by believing in what happened rather than how did it happen , and you will see .

And the day the Destroyer married the Source of All Energy, the day Shiva married Parvati , is considered to be the holiest and the most auspicious day to marry. Mondays, as a day to fast, are very popular young single women seekking a kickass husband, because it is the day of the King of the Dancers, Mahesh . And why, because he WAS the ideal husband. He did not fail his wife, unlike Ram . Bhole Baba is a true Rockstar .

And don't look at this story as one from Hinduism. Abstraction again, look at what happened, and not where it happened. It just makes a lot of sense to me, in a very different way. They explain to me, the notion of marriage and the concept of love.

An ideal man can never be the ideal husband, and the ideal husband can never be the ideal man . It is like the concept of duality , they both co-exist and mutually .

Sometimes, and I don't know why, Hindu Mythology seems like Physics to me, told like a story or as a poem. I see Creation, Destruction, Preservation, Energy, Mater, Antimatter, Quantum Mechanics and what not. I can't really find out all the physics in it, but I can get the hang of some of it , some of the times .


p.s. Thou shall not blame the author if you were quietly scratching your head , or hurling abuses at me , after reading this . :)

Miss Universe

And the new Miss Universe is, hold you breath, and wait for it, Miss India . Hell yeah, sadi chori , Ekta Chaudhary , from India . And a nation of 1.2 Billion erupts with joy . News channel go crazy . Sarkha, Turedesai and their ilk go berserk . PFBS(People full of BS , i.e. Bhartiya Sanskriti) are ecstatic , as they will be invited to dozens of debates hosted by pompous TV anchors , where the topic would be  - "The intricate relationship between Beauty Pageants and Indian Culture and their effects ( ill and otherwise) on the Socio Economic factors contributing to the stability of Modern Indian Society" . Indra Dev is pleased . He is wondering how to woo this apsara to convince her to join his entourage . And it starts raining , ending the drought in parts of our country . Swine Flu patients bounce back to health , as the sudden patriotic surge gave their immunity a much needed boost . A visibly humiliated China, whose contestant could not even make it to the semi final round , drops its plans to surround India with naval bases , and instead , sends a request to the Indian Embassy requesting assistance in increasing the per capita Beauty Quotient . The top brass of the country's most popular brand of fairness cream, The Fair and The Idiot , are gleefully rubbing their hands, their sales sky rocketed , in just one night . "Super Blogger" Kislay, with tissues in his left hand, tears of joy in his both eyes,furiously starts typing with his right hand, composing a 7628 word long post, on how this inspiring moment is going down in the annals of History, and how will it the change the course India takes. Annu Bhai is listening to Iron Maiden , for the movie that will be soon coming out starring the new Miss Universe , needs to have a heavy metal inspired background score , so said KJo  to him . Himesh Bhau gets the encouragement and inspiration he was looking for, to contest in Mr. Universe. The grandiose members of the grand old party of India, congratulate each other , Sonia jee and Rahul jee, and stake a claim , in this awe inspiring achievement by a fellow Indian . The media is a little stumped, as to how can they can they label this victory , as one of Secularism over Saffron Fascism , and taunt the BJP . But wait , they are in a mess of their own right now, so let them stew in it for a while. And little and not-so-little girls all over the country , start using cosmetics , think about designer dresses , and practice their "look of utter bewilderment when they are crowned" , as they dream of becoming Miss Muzzaffarnagar Municipality -> Miss Tiruvanathapuram ->Miss Chhattisgarh -> Miss Rupa(Briefs&Vests) India -> Miss Universe(Only for Planet Earth) ! So that , one day , when the country is struggling , and battling as usual , for its existence , they will solve all its problems , by winning a beauty pageant. At least for a while .

So you can imagine how devastated and heart broken I was , when a bored friend casually mentioned that Miss Venezuela ( or did I see it in the daily rag I subscribe to ? ) won the contest . Never mind . We will win it the next year , when our beloved brothers from across the border will be back in action , after a reinvigorating vacation ( courtesy , the GoI ) , and start bombing the shit out of us . Yep . I think so . What do you think ?





p.s. A possible outcome of the Miss Universe/World/Earth/India/Nukkad/Mauhalla/Khet/Khalihan/Municipality contests – I assume that all of these bright and beautiful ladies do wish for “World Peace” . Well, the Gods in the heavens above , might grant them their wish , if they asked for it just after the swim suit round . I would , if I was God . No kidding ! And I bet the soul of Alfred Nobel must be wondering “ Did I miss out on something ? I mean , Math was not practical enough for a prize , but Beauty ? Hmmm . I hope the dudes in charge of my moolah think of this soon enough and introduce a Nobel Beauty Prize . It would shoot the TRP of the ceremony as well , if its aired ” .




p.p.s. No disrespect intended towards the lady who represented India . The satire is directed at everything but her .

Mad World

A tall dark and handsome man entered the room. He was musing over his dark complexion, regretting that he never ever applied the skin whitening cream in his youth. His eyes went up to the bent figure sitting , or rather slumped over the chair. The prisoner looked up, cringed, and cursed himself. “Why the hell did I not take my daily dose of Parle G. I would have been out these shackles by now. But I, like a total moron, had to fall for the coke-ke-saath-dost free crap. And that blunder made me forget about my super-power biscuit.”,he thought. His eyes caught his would be tormentor’s glare. He shivered in fright, those cold eyes froze your soul. He had been trained well, even to bear the harshest of the tortures. He even had his macro-man vest on. But he wondered whether he would be able to fend off this fiend’s attempts. The tormentor switched on the TV. “May be , they are going to give me a test of some sorts”. The colors came on. As his eyes adjusted to the brightness of TV, he started feeling an increasing sensation of numbness. And then it hit him, like a blitzkrieg, and he was fading away. The last word he heard was “Jai Shree Krishna Baa………”.

He was in a semi-comatose state. He had this weird nightmare, in flashes of, pasty faced over made up woman, dressed in expensive sarees. There were a lot of families involved. And almost all of them looked the same age , he couldn’t make out mother form daughter. He passed out again.

He came to his senses. His head felt heavy. He tried grapple with the situation. It took him a while to recall the events before the black out. It seemed that he had a memory loss of some sorts. He retched. His vision was blurry . It took him some effort to open his eyes. The TV was still on . Some young people were arguing with each other on this show. He couldn't make out half of what he said, the other half was beeped. As he watched more and more of it, the dull throbbing which had started in his head, turned into a splitting head-ache. He tried to figure out what was going on . Even in his own mentally disheveled state, he could figure out that a bunch of demented but stylish young men and women were involved in some extremely imbecilic and asinine acts , which obviously did not involve the use of one's brain. 10 minutes into the show, the prisoner just collapsed . His captor grinned, his teeth shining out . He was a Colgate man, and never missed to brush his teeth with the best Oral care had to offer, certified by dentists all over. He was wondering whether to bunk this interrogation session or not, as he nursed a bottle of Fanta in his hand. His techniques were not working, so far the prisoner had just drifted in and out, and showed no signs of surrender . “Eh”, he said,” Let's wait a while, and while I am waiting, I can help some poor villager get some power”. With these words, he turned on his new Voltas AC. As the AC started regurgitating power, he fell into a reverie . He wondered whether to buy some vaseline body lotion for his teenaged daughter. He wanted her to be a better tennis player, and so far , actually working on playing better tennis had not helped her. His son was still hopeless. Even the liberal doses of Mentos didn't help him pass a single subject. He wondered why every product he had ever used never worked as the advertisement promised it would . Perplexed, and tired, he fell asleep.

******************************************************************************

To be continued , whenever I can garner some patience, better words and enough exasperation as a result of watching incredibly dumb advertisements, news anchors, and glimpses of TV shows . Par aap dekhna mat bhoolna , “Rakhee Sawant ka Swayamvar” . And if I were the producer of that show, I would introduce two new rounds to this kickass(so bad , that you want to kick your own butt) modern day “real life” drama .

1.So dumb that you should die round – This will be offered to the contestants . I would approach them personally , and offer them a desert eagle with enough bullets to end their existence , as they chose to be on of the suitors. It is not Rakhee , it is more so because this nautanki will be aired on TV , and they have no qualms about it .

2.Everyone-should-get-a-second-chance-and-die-now-or-die-painfully-later-round – This will be offered to the winner . The lucky man , will be asked to end it right here, right now, before he actually gets married . Since this man refused the first offer, this time, I will offer him a sword or a long dagger , as he deserves to die a slightly painful death, for humiliating himself.


I must add, that though I am not a fan of Ms. Sawant , I think she has guts. And the satire was directed more at the audience willing to gobble up Grade A Horse Shit like this, and then asking for more.I am not calling for a ban on shows like these . I hate them , it is my personal view , and obviously I don't watch it . But what is more infuriating , and dumber , is the debates on whether shows like these should be aired in India or not . There was one going on the yesterday, on some we-are-the-only-credible-source-and-we-are-so-full-of-ourselves English news channel . Pooja Bedi was one of the debaters . Mahajan Junior another . And the most important and the most intelligent one, according to yours truly was a guy , who was , I guess the representative of the PFBS , i.e People Full of BS , i.e Bhartiya Sanskriti . I don't want to write down everything he said or why I disagree with it . Just one would be enough . He said "Humare yahan , jab koi aurat pregnant hoti hai , to hum yeh nahi kehte ki woh pet se hai , hum yeh kehte hain ki uska paanv bhari hai . Yeh hai Bhartiya Sanskirit " . I was stumped after hearing this . I mean , how is it the term used to describe a woman who is carrying a new life related to Bhartiya Sanskriti ? I mean , WTF . Am I an idiot that I don't get it ? Do you get it ? What was he trying to say ? I still don't get it . Please , for the love of BS , tell me . And Pooja Bedi was in hysterics .

One last thought . The way things are , please do not feel surprised if one fine day , the ignoranuses(ignorant assholes) who debate on such stupid topics , make an issue out of Western style toilets . They might come up with something like - "As a western toilet is too comfortable for ablutions , it makes the Common Indian Man/Woman forget , that he/she has to struggle everyday for existence , and so is against the ethos of Bhartiya Sanskriti " , or words to that effect . Or , if not this , then something worse than this , which would be - "Woman should not be allowed to use Western toilets , as the seat is on a higher level compared to the desi one . And , as men are inherently superior to woman , only they should be allowed to relieve themselves comfortable , and from a higher plane " , or some more BS to that effect . You think I am crazy , huh ? Wait for the day .

After all, it is a Mad World .

The Necessary Evil

Neo would not have appeared as awe inspiring, had Agent Smith been a weaker character, a lesser sentient being (The Matrix). Had there been no Joker , Gotham City would have never realized the huge sacrifice Batman made (The Dark Knight). The greatness of the Dark Knight would not have been revealed; and it is in proportion to how great a character the Joker himself was. Frodo, Aragorn and Gandalf needed Sauron to sustain their goodness (The Lord of the Rings), just as Ergaon needs Galbatorix . And where would my dear Sherlock Holmes be without Professor Moriarity ?


The analogies I have employed are borrowed mostly from books and movies, but they would make sense to you, if you are familiar with them.


What would have been the stature of Gandhi in the absence of an evil British Empire? Would we ever know what sweet is without tasting bitter? Would good be perceived as good, if there was no evil? I think not.


We need Evil, to realize what good is all about. It is not there to punish us or make us worship or pray to the tall man in flowing robes with a white beard and a booming voice holding a staff of gold out of fear or reverence , but rather to complete the picture , and balance the system . Good and evil are the two sides of the same coin. Evil is like the force of friction , which slows down a wheel; but will the wheel ever turn and move forward if there was no friction ? It is as much an integral part of the vicious Cycle as Good is. I can never imagine a state of where humanity is either all evil or all good. That is why World Peace is nothing but a Utopian dream.


The wholeness of any entity in this world is dependent upon an entity opposite to it, one which either complements or negates it, be it the nature, physical attributes or quality. Man and Woman, Yin and Yang, a proton and an electron, they all come in pairs, as does Good and Evil. While on one hand , it is disappointing the existence of good is dependent upon evil , that even when everything appears to be as sunny as it could ever be, there is darkness lurking by ; on the other hand, even the darkest of clouds have a silver king , the most evil of men will be conquered by the forces of Good, happiness will follow sadness . Once again, they complement each other in philosophical reasoning as well.


Good needs Evil. How can one bask in the warmth emanated by goodness, if one has never felt the soul freezing chill of Evil? Dostoevsky's words come to my mind. "It is easier to denounce evil, than to understand it". A villainous character will be swore at , but if you step out of the system , then you realize that the bad man , actually is a major player in the chain of events that unfolded, due to which the World is the way it is . If he is removed a little too early or a little too late, the consequences would be disastrous for sure. Remove Adolf Hitler out of the historical picture , and the EU and the UN would disappear as well. In fact, so would the technological revolution which was ushered during and after the WW II. Imagine, if mankind was oblivious of the abstract notions of good and evil, try and contemplate as to what would have happened. I see inertness. I see no life. For can the process of creation be actually initiated in the absence of destruction?


This balance between good and evil also attempts to explain God, as to something which is not dependent on an opposite, to be in its natural form or a state ; something neither good or evil or encompassing both good and evil . If I confused you , please ponder over it. From this definition of God, consciousness, the life force within living beings, can be explained as an entity which is just there, neither created nor destroyed, purest form of energy ; and it just changes its host environment. From the body a house-fly to body a mighty human. Imagine, a super consciousness, which is made up of such innumerable consciousnesses. Imagine, if you could, a being, which is made up these minuscule life-forces, the way our bodies are made up of cells. And think about what you really are, an organism who struts around the Earth with a puffed chest, when the spark inside you and a humble ant, is the same. If mankind, and all the living species were perishable toys , then the consciousness is like the battery powering it .


All of a sudden, the existence of Aghories make sense.


A mosquito irritates and bites us, and sometimes infects us with a virus that may even cause death. Doesn’t that make it an evil creature, one befitting death and elimination? Hail All-Out, eh? But what is it doing, if nothing but merely what it was designed to do? Suck blood. And what are we designed to do? Suck the planet dry, for one. But also, we are here to survive, and we do so in a multitude of ways. So while we are doing our duty as a species, so is the mosquito. And that is why we need to break free of the system, which has us trapped in, moving in circles, on many different levels. Cycles of life and death, of sickness and health, of happiness and sadness, of rags and riches, of the different states of existence, as a mosquito or a man, an ant or an elephant. A system which presents us with a picture so bright and beautiful, that we often fail to ask the right question “who painted it and why”? A fruit so tempting and delicious to look at, touch,feel and eat, that we forget about the tree. A design which creates an ingenious Virtual Reality. Evil is just doing its job; to be a bad ass, and kick the Good guys whenever and wherever they can. Denouncing it is just not enough, an effort to understand it is important as well, for the truer and clearer picture to emerge. This might give a clue to the meaning of existence, the purpose of life. And that is why I think, that Evil is a manifestation of that very Supreme consciousness .


"Evil is not simply the contradiction of good that can be avoided by goodness; instead it is an aspect of good itself that we have separated from good so that the other side may continue to exist as good" - Source Unknown


“There has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it.” - Buddha


p.s. What I have written is based on my own negligible understanding of why things are the way are . This is neither the first word , nor the final one .

Black Box of Secularism

I mentioned something called a BBS in this post, The Case for our next PM . So here it goes , the BS about a BBS !

Black box is a technical term for a device, system or object when it is viewed in terms of its input, output and transfer characteristics without any knowledge required of its internal workings. Almost anything might occasionally be referred to as a black box: a transistor, an algorithm, humans, the Internet, the way political parties in India function and interpret Secularism (I added the last one). The opposite of a black box is a system where the inner components or logic are available for inspection (such as a free software/open source program), which is sometimes known as a white box, a glass box, or a clear box.

Secularism is the assertion that governmental practices or institutions should exist separately from religion and/or religious beliefs. In one sense, secularism may assert the right to be free from religious rule and teachings, and freedom from the government imposition of religion upon the people, within a state that is neutral on matters of belief, and gives no state privileges or subsidies to religions. In another sense, it refers to the view that human activities and decisions, especially political ones, should be based on evidence and fact unbiased by religious influence.

So why is the BBS, a black box? Well, it says it is secular, but you don't know what the hell is going on inside. You expect it to be secular in all contexts and in all the four dimensions, but it chooses its environment selectively. You expect it to be secular, the way secularism is defined, but it follows its own pattern, as if a very highly evolved AI controls it. Unlike the communal forces of India, who are openly communal, it is mystery as to how those who claim to be secular are so? As I said, you don’t know what goes inside the bloody black box. You are not supposed to know. The result is computed on the basis of the input. You have to kill your curiosity about how was it actually computed, and be content with the result.

Being black, it absorbs all the negative communal energy and radiates positive secular energy. The BBS is incredibly effective in blocking out saffron rays. Say, you are getting irritated by the pakhandi baba who is preaching about the benefits of sanyas, perched on a plush cushion in an air-conditioned room, just take out the mini black box. First it will drain the colour out of his robes, and subsequently, his energy. But we must tell you, the designers of this black box were targeting a specific kind of communal crowd. This device absorbs the harmful communal energy emanated by the Saffron brigade only. So if any you thought that air dropping thousands of these over Pakistan or Afghanistan would be the perfect solution, BOO HOO, it is NOT. And neither will it work on the Khalistanis or the aggressively proselytizing Missionaries.

As some we buffoons in the software industry say, “In God we trust, everything else we test”. Even this ingenious device was tested exhaustively, after the development of the first prototype. It was tested on one of the popular leaders of Uttar Pradesh who is, or rather was a key conspirator in the Babri Masjid demolition. To assess its actual effectiveness, it was done without his active knowledge, and lo-and-behold, he turned secular. He switched from a clearly communal party to an absolutely secular party. It was the single-most greatest moment for the Scientists who worked on this project. There have been numerous other success stories as well. One recent incident involved the questioning the circumstances of the death of a super cop, and giving it a Hindutva angle. In this case, certain political leaders, political activists and sections of the media were under the influence. A famous author, who writes about God, small things and how India asks for attacks like 26/11, has had one of her kidneys replaced with a BBS. It is not well known, that a noted film maker who recently came out with a movie on one of the most infamous riots in India, attached a mini-BBS as an appendage to the cameras that were used to shoot the movie. Many political leaders, who rant about what happened in this 02, and forget about what happened in 84, are wearing lockets which have a micro-BBS’s in its chamber. It is quite possible that this could be the reason why the cause of the Kashmiri Pundits goes unnoticed. A key ally of the NDA, which switched sides in the recent elections, did so because a multi-million MW BBS was installed in their party HQ. The terrorist-cum-politician, one of the key suspects in the Coimbatore bomb blasts, was under the influence of the BBS when he apologized for his “misdemeanor”. This is an anomaly, for we did not expect the BBS to work on this kind of communalism .Our other similar attempts have failed, as the design dictates they should (Saffron only). And this is a wild shot, and though it has never been questioned, my gut says the BBS had a role here. Remember the day one of the prominent communal leaders and PM-aspirant in the 09 Elections showered praised on the man who divided India? It could have been the result of the telescopic BBS gun, which is still in its infancy. I have my doubts, but I am willing to bet on it.

While I am not sure, but I think that the communal forces have developed a prototype to reverse the secular and induce the communal effect. This project is still in its experimental stages, and given the rate at which indigenous technology is developed in India, it will take a while for it to be fully successful. Of all the test subjects I am aware of, the only one it worked on was the brother of a politician from Kashmir, who is going to be inducted as Minister in this Government. He, and I heard on this TV, did not disapprove of the Babri Masjid demolition. Yes. Believe it or not. Apparently, places of prayer should not be built upon disputed sites; hence the demolition was actually a favour to the minority community. I concur that the fundamental principle of the device may be right, but the implementation needs a lot more R&D.

Coming back to BS, err, I mean BBS . The key element used in the BBS is Secularium. It has a variable half life, and depends on the object it is acting on. (The half-life of a quantity whose value decreases with time is the interval required for the quantity to decay to half of its initial value). For instance, a strong willed person might wipe out all trace of this element from his system, if he had to gain something under the guise of being communal. Say, you are not happy with the Secular party for not getting a ticket, you can suddenly start screaming “Hindutva!” , buy a trident , start wearing t shirts with Om on it, beat up a few women, rant and rave about Bhartiya or Hindu sanskriti , and then join the Communal party . But as I said, you need to be strong willed. Spineless, yet strong willed.

1 sJ (Secular-Joule) is the amount of energy radiated by the BBS, to bring about a tiny change in an individual, comparable to secularizing one cell, subject to the condition that the person has not been exposed to communal energies for more than an year. The amount of energy needed to bring about the desired change, is directly proportional to the period and degree of exposure. I think Varun Gandhi can be brought back into the secular fold. Praveen Togadia is a lost case, unless we explode the thermonuclear BBS device.

It has been found, that similar to nuclear radiation, over exposure to the BBS may induce cancerous growth in your body, which will reject everything saffron or some close shade of it. So say bye bye to Fanta, Mirinda, Mangoes, Orange Rasgullas and Halwa-with-Kesar in it. One of the test subjects, who was given a more liberal dose, reacted very violently when a triangular shaped saffron flag was waved in front of him. It was worse than when a bull sees red. (*Brainwave* A new phrase, instead of a “bull sees red”, a “secular sees saffron”). Another test subject with a similar high level of Secularium in his blood stream, who had just helped himself to six large helpings of Spanish paella valenciana, suffered from diarrhea and vomiting, and the team had to struggle hard to save him.

Under the influence of BSS, one might just perceive the world, especially India, into shades of communal and secular. So, one is either of the two, and the rest of the factors be damned. For instance, the junta of Delhi is secular because they voted for Sheila Deikshit, but those of Chhattisgarh or MP are communal as they voted back BJP. Also, the current victory of the UPA is a victory of secularism over communalism, no other variables involved.

The full scope of the BBS is yet to be discovered. One of our scientists, while on a break, put a mini-BBS prototype on a TV. What he observed was that only a certain number of news channels could be viewed, the ones which seem to favour a particular political party of India. What was even more interesting was that the voice and arguments of their famous journalists became louder, stronger and shriller. For the communal one, that might cause an ear bleed, or a brain hemorrhage. The BBS could be a potential weapon, an insidious and deadly one.

The BBS has, as its key components, certain sensors, of a very special kind, the element Secularium, intricate circuitry, and a flawless software. My apologies for not divulging more information. How the hell will it be a black box if you know everything about it? More importantly, the understanding of such a device is beyond your plebian intelligence. By the way, the software was not written by TCS, we will have you know. TCS->Tata->Ratan Tata->Nano->Gujarat, get the drift. Back to the BBS, it is a devious machine. Say, a person is standing near it. This machine sends electrical signals, similar to the ones that are generated in your brain when you think, which produces a thought in his mind. A Sample – Should Afzal Guru be hanged? The BBS then gauges the response from the person, by reading the output, the resulting electrical signals generated. If the answer indicates that the person is communal in nature, the Secularium swings into action. Simple, yet very effective.

The BBS comes in many shapes, sizes and strengths . We might come up with a USB compatible BBS drive , for curing communal bloggers , the author of Orange, for instance.

That's all folks. So far, this product has been a classified one. Soon, we plan to mass produce it, launch a massive media campaign and popularize it. Obviously, the English Media would help us, because they themselves are patrons of Indian Secularism. We hope to accomplish this before the communal forces develop a fully functional GCB (Glass Box of Communalism) prototype. We have come with the name of the company which will be selling this engineering marvel, INC. And please, I know what some of you communal idiots must have thought; INC stands for Indian-Neutralizer-of-Communalism. We are looking for a kickass slogan. If you have an idea, please mail it to secular_till_India_dies@INC.co.in . The winner gets a trip to Italy.

The following is the script of the advertisement we plan to air sometime in the future. All characters in the following idea-of-an-Ad are fictitious. Any resemblance to a person living or dead, is purely co-incidental

Rahul and Varun are two estranged brothers. Due to communal company, and over-saffronization, Varun is dying in a hospital, battling for his life, when in a moment of excruciation, he forgets all his differences, and shouts out a loud and resonant, “Bhaiyyaaaaaaaaaa”. Mean while, our hero, the super secular brother Rahul, is sipping green tea about 37 miles away, when his windows shatter, and he hears his younger brother's wail. He knows what he has to do. With a grim determination, he straps on a duffle bag with a BBS, and kick-starts his Ducati Monster. As he revs the hell out of the bike, he screams out a loud “Main as raha hoon chote”. The crows start cawing, and windows and glass objects, shatter, again. In a flash, he is off. It is a race against time. He rode as never before. He drives through orange orchards, draining the fruits of their juice, and nukkad-jalebi shops, draining the sweet of its syrup. Sanyasis sitting under trees are struck by a sudden de-saffronization of their apparel, reminding one of the many Tide ads. Like a juggernaut, our Ducati-driving-Dude reaches the hospital, and rushes to the ward where his sick cousin (pun intended) lies. He takes of the BBS, and places it on the heaving chest of Varun. And then, they all hold their breath. Varun screams, and then becomes lifeless, the monitor shows no pulse, the sickening sound of death in the air. But, this is India, the land of Hindi Cinema. As Rahul starts staring at the ceiling, and was about to deliver a heavy dialogue for God's benefit, Varun springs back to life. The BBS had done its magic. In a calm and secular voice, with a beatific smile on his face, he says, “Bhaiyya, aap aa gaye”. “Haan chote, tu bulaye aur main na aaon”, says Rahul. And then, Varun avows to sever all ties with anything Saffron and its close shades. They hug tightly, as the clouds make way for the shining sun.

A BBS, to save your dying brother – Expensive (as your brother was very very communal)
A Ducati Monster, made in Italy, to get you to your dying brother – Very Expensive
Bringing back your long lost brother into the secular fold – Priceless

That is the power, of a Black Box of Secularism.

The End

p.s. Do I have to say that this is a satire ? This is my way of protesting against the twisted,perverted version of Secularism that the Political Parties practice . Some make no pretense about not being secular , some claim to be secular and are not and some follow their own brand of it . WTF !

The case for our next PM

Super Blogger and hyper commentator (Is it the right word?), Ms. Awesome Indyeah wrote a kickass post on why she loves Rahul Gandhi. The super vella aadmi I am these days(Thank you Recession), I couldn't help but make some observations on that blog in the form of comments, which got me a few smileys and ROFLs. That inspired me to put them together, and some more in this post. So here it goes. Pardon me for those who have already read and laughed (hopefully) at my comments, some of the points are repeated here. My apologies if my zany humour offends your sense of humour .

(Rahul is in the air, ta ra rum pum, ta ra rum pum, Raaa-hoool is in the air !)

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So , you think Rahul Gandhi should not be the PM , in the near future(2014), eh ?

1. First of all, get off that dope you are smoking, injecting or snorting. It is making you "communal”. Who sold it to you? A guy in khakee shorts? He said he was some kind of a volunteer? Hmmm. Disturbing. It’s getting saffron-er everyday. No wonder you are talking through you black topi, err, I mean hat. You are living in denial. Once you clear your brain of all the saffron cobwebs , you will start seeing day light. That is the first stage of acceptance.

2. Did you even know that geneticists have come up with a fit-to-be-the-PM-of-India gene, and the descendants of Nehru family have it? No kidding! I swear on INC. Apparently, there is a gene for everything. For believing in God, believing in your Nation, and may be, and this is a very wild guess, for being communal as well. On a side note, if the communal gene thingy does come out to be true, then all the sanghies plaguing the landscape of India need your help. The rabid, Hindutva-hailing, minority-haters will have to be cured of this virulent disease. We would have to install giant BBS's in every saffron infested corner of this country. What is a BBS? Dumbass! Claims to be secular and doesn't even know that. How would you know, you bloody MCP (Malevolent Communal Pig)? I will tell you about it in detail later, for the time being, know that it stands for Black Box of Secularism. Enough digressing! So, I dare you not to question why shouldn’t Rahul Andhi, bole to, Gandhi be the PM-in-waiting, just toe the line like everyone else.

3.Rahul baba is half-a-gora. That is half the reason why he should be the PM, the other half being the sur name. And I will tell you why . It is sad, that some of you ARE willing to let go of your colonial hang over. Absolutely pathetic, makes me want to weep. Did you forget the glorious days of our Gora sahibs? The ones who gave us trains, telephones, English, our nation and an inferiority complex. Do not speak of the millions who died during the process (The Bengal Famine). How dare you question the intention of such white, benevolent and magnanimous people, you brown bugger? They did even have to use any fairness cream for their complexion. *The moron gasps in awe* Goras rock, they kick ass! And DO NOT, under any circumstances, let go of that colonial hangover. For the Love of secularism and India, drink some more of that "white" wine. “White English” wine has been found to very beneficial to a brown sahib's health. If your communal-dope addled brain raises any objection, then try some other liquor, anything European will do. If you have anything Indian, it will taste nothing better than tharra (country made liquor); and God knows, that after your West-influenced education, you have no taste for it. Only pseudo-Hindutva-followers drink Indian-made, because the actual-Hindutva-followers do not drink at all. If the booze is not Western (preferably European), you will puke your guts out. So, in short, you just cannot let go of that hang over.Always be willing to acknowledge and accept the fact, that only a White can rule us, for they are way superior . It would be awesome if someone from England could come over, but Italy is not a bad option. May be France as well, we can ask Sarkozy after he retires. I propose a round robin algorithm, with all the European countries, and USA involved.What say you?

4.Terrorism will be done with in 15 minutes in his reign - “I am confident that this country can take on terrorism. Defeating it is no problem. If we empower those people in villages, we can sit back, relax and we will destroy terrorism in 15 minutes," . Terrorism and terrorists , Gone . Poof . It will do the Vanishing Act . Houdini and P C Sarkar would be proud of him . And empower people ? I say we arm them all to the teeth . Get in touch with the NRA , and Kalashnikov-ize the country . That would solve a lot of problems . On a side note , if you remember the day when a crazy Korean killed his fellow students , the NRA had actually said that had every student on that campus been armed, somebody or the other would have shot him soon enough.

5.For his awesome General Knowledge – Gujarat is larger than UK*, said the great man . I do not know whether he implied area or population, or both . I think some one who can shoot out “facts” like these , for some one who has traveled nationally and internationally and is apparently very educated , it is a clear indication . If only BQC had started when he was younger !

6.This is what I hope we will get from his Columbian connection , Weed and Coke. That is marijuana and cocaine . It will surely make some urban voters very happy. Don't you get the connection? How can you, you dope. And I won’t tell you , find out on your own. After all, you were living on non-secular drugs; it will be a while before you realize the merits of brand Columbia. The World knows how good it is. Hollywood swears by it , even Bollywood, you can ask Fardeen if you don’t believe me. Did you even know that Pablo Escobar, the Columbian Drug Lord , was listed as the seventh richest man ? How would that be even possible if his product was not world class? May the good Lord grant this great man some peace. I am looking forward to the movie that is being made on him, so that he can inspire me, and after imbibing a few of his qualities, I may start my own business and never ever code again for a living.

The above are the reasons why he should be the PM. The following are the possible perks I could come up with, when the “Indiano-Italiano” ties are strengthened and given a new dimension by this gentleman.Pardon my loopiness. :)

1. Football. Yes you fool. Football. Italian coaches and players. Our third rate Indian team will get trained by, say someone like Marcello Lippi, and get a chance to play with the Italians in their leagues. They will have a shot in the International arena. I say this, as honestly as possible and as an upcoming football fan, if Rahul Gandhi promises to make this possible, I will vote for him once. And yes, in case the Indian team does not make it to the Top 32, we will be supporting Italy, business as usual(2006 WC France-Italy Final , Congress workers were rooting for apni Italy).

2. Free trips to Italy and other European countries - Why not? All Rahul Baba fans have a right to visit the country, where a part of his roots are from (nanihal). All Sonia Madam fans have the right to visit the place she is from (mayka). Wouldn't you as a fan, of any great soul, want to visit or explore the place that person was born at, raised in or frequented. So why should the fans of the current Gandhi family be denied the same? It would be an almost religious experience, and Ambika Soni can be the tour guide. And while you are in the neighborhood, have a dekko at the other European countries as well. After all, one must know where one's masters came and are coming from. Get a swig, straight from the flask, that hang over will last for a very long time.

3. An IIT and IIM in Italy - May be. Who knows? But it will be cool, huh? I hope the IIM thing happened soon. I am too poor to go abroad for an MBA. This can be the only shot the likes of me can have at getting a phoren education. Yes, I see the obvious flaw, the fly in this ointment, how will I ever make it to an IIM? I don't know, let me try . Will changing my name to Kislay Gandhi do the magic ?

4. God father 4, 5& 6 will be shot in India. An alternative scenario, where Vito Corleone immigrates to India instead of the US, where he fights and conquers the communal forces and establishes a secular yet criminal business empire. Just imagine, you can boast of this to your non-Indian friends, that the new "God-father trilogy was a shot in a India”, with hand motions and an acquired Italian accent(which could become a new fad and replace American). If you have seen Russell Peters, you will know what I am saying. You can also brag about the fact, that a filmmaker can envision a secular criminal empire , only in India. Yes sire . Bery bery sickular ( Try saying that with the Russell-Peters-Indian accent).

5.Cheaper Olives and Italian Food. For once my dream of going to expensive and exquisite Italian restaurants might come true. I mean, wouldn't spaghetti with meat-balls and pene pasta be more popular and cheaply available? I am pretty sure most Congress workers/members will change their diet. I picture myself, seated in Little Italy, savoring Pasta Paprika and sipping Rosso di Montalcino. And your cocktails and desi-italian recipes will never run out of Olives or Olive Oil. My dream of making Vodka Martinis (as James Bond drinks it in Casino Royale, also called a Vesper) the national beverage might just come true.

And last, but not the least by any measure , his name .

His first name is Rahul .Do any of you dimwitted dunderheads even know what Rahul means? My source , is Wikipedia .

a. Conqueror of all miseries, according to some Upanishad. You bet your saffron ass, he is. He will end our miseries by wiping out the Communal forces.Three cheers for Secularatva !

b. The later use of the word is attributed to the Buddha, who named his son Rahul as he felt that family ties could be an obstacle in the path to renunciation and nirvana. If Grade a Columbian Stuff does not get you nirvana, and helps you renounce this world , (temporarily), nothing else will. While I am not sure whether he would renounce the world, the new era ushered in by him will ensure that others will have a stab at it , provided the Columbian connection is not lost.

c. Rahul also means Moon, Able/efficient in Sanskrit. We all saw how efficient and able he is, the 21-seats-in-UP feat that he pulled off “entirely” on his own speaks for that. And isn't he cute as a moon? And before you jump to any conclusion, let me just tell you that I am still straight. I say that as a neutral and not neutered observer. The girls (not all of them) do go gaga over him.

His last name is Gandhi .Need I explain as to why is that important, you nincompoop numbskull? Seriously, the dope that those khakee shorts guys sold have fucked you up pretty bad! It is the most powerful name in this nation, quite possibly in the World. And the irony is that original bearer has no idea, how his name has been (mis)used and milked in this country. It happens only in India. By Gawd, something suddenly struck me ! If the scientific community (even the tiny one we have) was steeped in this very dynasticism, can you imagine what would have happened ? The family members of tthe Nobel Laureate Sir C. V. Raman banking on the fact the top job of IISc is theirs for the next few generations ! Did a shiver run down your spine ?

Rahul bhai, sure is one lucky guy. Good Education, good Looks, greatest possible name, soon will have a great job. I think we can start using the phrase "as lucky as Rahul”.

A possible repercussion of his becoming the PM - Thousands, may be lacs of kids, born after 2014 will be named either Rahul (firtsname) or Gandhi (lastname). I might name my male child on those lines, if a woman agrees to marry me in or before 2012. So, you won't be able to throw a brick without hitting a Rahul or a Gandhi. Get ready for it. What did you say? BJP? Why can't they come to power in 2014? You jackass, how the hell do you think that will happen? They will be almost wiped out by then, a ghost of their former saffron suffused self. *Brainwave* Unless, they rename their party. From BJP to, wait for it , and it is going to be legendary, the BGP. Ha! How is that? *Visible Halo around yours truly*. And I swear on everything that is holy and sacred to me , if you ask me what the G in BGP stands for , I will %@$#^@&%#&@&#&@ !!!!! If you still don't get it, then I think you need a red and burning mark on your cheek , in the shape of a hand . Jai Ho !

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This is a satire, if somebody missed on that. I hate nepotism as many other people do, but I do not hate Rahul Gandhi, at least not now. I hate the fact that the helm of the affairs of this country will be handed out to him, way before he actually proves himself worthy of it. That does not mean that I won't support him if he does appear to me as the next Great Indian Leader. Most importantly, he does not need my support,permission or respect , I want him to accomplish things that will make me respect and support him , or any other person who aspires to be the Prime Minister of this country. To all the die-hard dynasty fans, and RG lovers, my apologies, if you were offended. Chicas of the Delhi University who apparently have an orgasm at the sight of RG , please don't curse me that I never have one ( I actually saw a female DU student scream a out loud and quite orgasmic "Rahul ! I love you! " ) . And read Mr. Vinod Sharma's analysis . He has taken into account his past and present actions and statements , which do not paint him in the same light as the very unbiased Media houses in our country are doing .

* Gujarat is smaller than the UK , both area and population wise .

Edited to add : I was wondering about Rahul baba , and I actually want some one to do an exclusive post on him , biographical in nature , and tell me what his achievements have been so far , and where did he go wrong . I want to know why do people think that he is a ray of hope , and good enough to don the PM's robes in the near future. Seriously , what has he done , and this is a question, not a sarcastic remark . And on the same note , if him then why not Priyanka ? Priyanka's interview

The Footballer and The Physicist

A Physicist explaining football to his son

"It is a very interesting game son . Specially from the point of classical mechanics . 22 Human bodies and 1 spherical object, in a system , not to mention , the supposedly neutral entities called the referees . So many different variables . The speed of the wind, the moisture content, the sound energy disseminated by the cheering fans, what an incredibly dynamic and chaotic system. And amidst all this, the genius of football , the men chasing down a ball , which , to be at the precise moment, has to be in a trajectory towards the goal, such that the paths of the two bodies involved in 3 dimensional motion , namely the goalie and the ball, do not intersect each other, and the goal gets home. It is such marvelous sight, the ball entering the goal in an environment having so many different, dynamic and some times totally independent variables.If you look at it mathematically, the probability that a goal occurs, when you take into account the number of different mutually inclusive and exclusive events, is astounding . That is why my son, Football kicks ass . Everything fits together with such precision . It is an absolute delight for the senses of an individual with a logical and analytical brain , and a keen observation . It is a drug for the brain , the way it makes my brain throb with joy , my child ."

A footballer explaining football to his son

"It is magic my boy . The feel of wind in your face . The roar of the fans . The smell of sweat and dust . The touch of leather against your skin . The clashing bodies . The adrenaline rush . The blood, the crash and the thump . The high of a goal . And the low of a miss . It is almost pulsating with its own life . And at the end of the day, as you strut around the arena like a modern day gladiator , with your opponents bowing, and your fans and team-mates howling with joy, almost orgasmic , it is one of the most wonderful experiences . Every important win and loss, is a triumph of your spirit over life or losing a bit of yourself . It is heavenly, and extremely intoxicating. The best high you can ever get . It is so pure,pristine and beautiful . It is a drug for the heart, the way it makes it soar with joy , son ."


This is how I perceive two people, a footballer and a physicist might explain the game of football to their :
- son
- daughter
- randomStrangerWhoMightExpressInterestInFootball

Two very different perspectives .

And now replace physicists and footballers with Theists/Atheists/Priests/Rabbis/Scientists/Preachers of Different Faiths. And football would be God,the omnipresent,omniscient,omnipotent, entity, the parody of which is the flying_spaghetti_monster , the white bearded gentleman with a big booming voice wearing white robes and a staff of Gold, Morgan Freeman in Bruce Almighty, the Universal Spirit , the Guy some think is not there , the Guy some think is there but not listening , the Guy whom you guys think wants you to fight over whose way of dialing the Guys number is the best , the Guy who could actually be a Gal OR the Guy who is neither a Guy or a Gal but beyond the triviality of names,images,forms and sex, and yet you still make a big deal of it .

How crazy does it really sound ?

Random Thought #7 : Gift of God

I read a joke. Here it goes .

The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed and again the congregation approved the increase. Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expenses. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood up and shouted "Having children is an Act of God!" An older man in the back stood and shouted back "So are rain and snow, but we wear rubbers for them!"

The joke sparked off these thoughts. Many a times have I come across these words - "Bacche to Bhagwan/Allah/Whatever-name-you-use-for-your-God ki den hai", and the ones who say it have a dozen kids, give or take a few ; and it suddenly struck me, are they? Really? Maybe, for a childless couple who have been trying too hard too long, it can be looked upon a great gift. Personally, the birth of twin daughters to millions of families in India would be one hell of a gift for India, given the seemingly FUBAR-ed sex-ratio. But for the rest of the cases, I say BS. What a load of crap! WTF , literally . A horny husband wants to do it, may be the wife does not let him that often, so he decides to cook up a solid excuse for it. Quite possibly his priest/padre/imam/rabbi helped him figure out a good one. "Woman, children are the gift of God, and refusing a gift from God is blasphemy”. Take that. Irrefutable logic. The magical wand of God/Religion was waved over it,and lo and behold, you have a football team. But that was then. One might say, that people were encouraged to have a lot of children , in the name of God , as the infant mortality rate was higher , and the average life expectancy lower . But then again , no longer true , relatively speaking . 6.5 Billion people and counting ! We should thank God for contraceptives. All I have to say is, please feel free to engage in this activity as much as you want to , but don't call it an act of God , and the by-product , His gift . But if men can kill in the name of the Merciful One, why not this?

On a side note, I remember reading about the Chinese manufacturing/distributing very cheap TV sets, for/to the masses, as a population-controlling measure. You know, keep the guys entertained through other means, as for most of them, being poor, it is the only recreational activity. Interesting, eh? But will that work in India, given that most of the shows/movies aired do not necessitate a functioning brain. So ultimately, the blood of the male animal will not stay up there. Just a silly thought. :D

Corny jokes apart, we are heading towards some very tough times, given that we already are 6.5 Billion strong, and that number won’t go south short of WW III or the Yellowstone going boom. It seems to me, that most of the problems we face today are somehow related to the mass of the humanity that occupies earth. If the people inhabiting this planet were in sustainable numbers, who could have been fed, clothed and sheltered, then those who want to wage wars using religion, caste, creed, colour,nationality,race or their own asinine ideology would be out of a lot of soldiers. We think we are evolving , as a civilization, but are we? Leave alone the jackasses who want to go back to medieval times, what about the rest of us. Our technology, is mostly un-green, it makes our life easier, but creates a mess as well. It sounds very pessimistic, but nothing other than a disaster of biblical proportions, either natural or man-made, would restore the balance.

A thought provoking movie – Children of Men. Maybe, this what Mother Nature has in mind for us.



Source for the joke

Belated WTF

This happened the last year. And I found about it now . Apparently , caste based reservation was just not enough for dear old Arjun Singh jee, he had to do this as well . Although it is a trivial matter , to me it appears to be a reflection of the bickering political mindset . This is the old logo of the Kendriya Vidyalay Sansthan .



And this is the spanking new one , courtsey , the Union Minister for HRD .



Where did the Lotus and the Rising Sun go ? A sane mind wouldn't bother much , but then , I am not sane . :) Why was the logo changed ? Did the old one not reflect the spirit of KVS ?

"But when a board headed by Human Resource Development (HRD) Minister Arjun Singh decides to omit the ‘lotus’ symbol — also the BJP party symbol — from the emblem to enable a “broader reflection of the national ethos”, it’s hard not to see any politics in the act. This new emblem, say officials, was chosen from amongst several proposed by the art teachers of various KVs and after a close selection in which HRD minister Arjun Singh is said to have taken keen interest"

We can't even call it De-saffronisation . The fact that KV's logo had a lotus and a rising sun had nothing to with the BJP , KVS was founded in 1965 , and there was no BJP then .

“'We have retained the Sanskrit motto taken from the Upanishads and that is very much reflective of the Indian culture. The new logo was decided upon after several deliberations and keeping in mind the present spirit of education and the scientific temper and globalization of education besides the changed National Curriculum Framework (NCF) that has broadened horizons and also focused on computer education 'said Dr. U.N. Singh, Joint Commissioner (Academics) - KVs "

By what rationale is the lotus and the rising sun not a part of Indian culture , if a Sanskrit shloka from the Upanishadas is ? I think even that motto could have been stricken off , citing that it does not reflect the secular nature of our country . So what comes next ? Changing its slogan from "Vidya sarvate shobhte" to something stupid in Italian or Latin to please the Mistress ? Banning the symbolic use of lotus altogether , as it is used by their political rivals as a party symbol ?

This is a very small and seemingly insignificant matter , that most of us won't even give it a second thought . But I couldn't help uttering a WTF, albeit a belated one . And given that in a country like ours, where almost everything sparks off a controversy , why did this not ? Why ? I am genuinely very surprised . This is just the kind of excuse any hard-working right-winger would need to create a furore . Was I in a comatose state that I missed the media mention , if any ? And am I making a mountain out of a molehill ? On a side note , what if it had been the other way round , the BJP removing some symbol associated(directly or indirectly) with the Congress ; what do you think would have happened then ?

"Dr U N Singh says that the organisation would rather steer clear of political controversies and pointed out that the BoG had as members not only eminent educationists, officials from various state Governments, directors of both CBSE and NCERT, but also members of the Opposition parties and the logo change was a 'collective decision' arrived at considering the dynamic nature of education."

What if the Minister Sahib had decided to put his foot down ,issued a "farman" that the symbol had to go , and asked his sub-ordinates to cook up a credible enough reason for it . In all fairness , it is quite possible that this was not politically inspired . In all fairness , it is quite possible that I have lost it . But my twisted mind cannot get over the fact that Politics had something to do with it . The way the Congress,the BJP, the Communists etc. are always at each others' throats, no wonder why I cannot digest this easily . It sometimes appears as if they are waging wars against each other , and not against the abstract and the physical enemies of this nation . And elections are around the corner, so it is political World War time . The saddest part is that is that in this war, the face of the enemies within are not clear . A very sad WTF . :(


Image Source - 1 and 2
News Source - Indian Express and Yahoo

Jilted Lovers

This is a fun post, or rather, supposed to be one. The credit for the contents goes to all the frustrated/desperate/bored super cerebral boys/men who hit on girls with their incredible one/two/three liners, ONLINE. This is dedicated to all the ladies who have received scraps, friend requests, sms’s, emails etc. etc. of the following nature; you have my sympathy . I am afraid I cannot offer any empathy . :) And thanks to the lady who provided me with these gems .

hi...incedent came across 2 ur profile....i like the way u desc. ur self...and nice pics 2...

Was this guy going for indecent? And desc? Desecrate yourself?

....well i stay near Nestle Apt....Opposite Mindspace......so cutie how u doin.....wat do u do....will love to know more ab u..........

I think his mind is full of empty space.

Hey seems to b an imprsve profile while relating to the choice of communities...

As they say , a woman on a social networking website, is known by the communities she keeps .

hi .......how ru ......
ur beautiful.......
how can i leave net. u r online yaar...he he

Well, he definitely took leave of his senses.

why !!! are the other passive faces in your inbox sleeping..... well at least you decided to scrap back... let see how far this goes

I will be damned. This one has a decent command over the English language. But still corny.

hii i am mohsin how are you.hiiiii atually theres nohing to say but would love to b ur frnd......

He should have reminded himself that he had nothing to say when he was typing that.

Hey listen....i just want to check u would like make new PALS??

Two people were asking me about u,
I gave them Ur address and cell no.
They will b visiting u soon.
Their names r Joy n Happiness.
Good Morning................
Have a day

Super duper corny and cheesy .

hello ..m into exports..mumbai..wanna be friendz??

Did he accidentally export his wits/common sense/intelligence to Timbuctoo?

hi there.
mary chritmas.

Poor Mother Mary! :(

Hi friends ....how r u?really ur pic is very beautifull.......I am shock to see u

Hell yeah. And I was shocked when I read this.

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii h r u ' be friend ( guy with Dhoni profile pic)

Awesome! A very considerate gentleman. He wants to make sure that the girl doesn’t get lost on her way to his profile. And he chose such a rare picture as well.


hi.........
I KNOW ITS PREETY UNUSUAL TO WRITE SOME ONE A SCRAP..
TO WHOM U HAVENT EVEN SAID HI B4...
BUT DONT KNOW WHETHER ITS UR GORGEOUS FACE....
OR SOMTHIN WRONG WITH MY BROWSER'S BACK BUTTON
IT DOSENT LET ME MOV BACK WITHOUT GIVIN U A COMPLIMENT...

He started off in style. And then got carried away screwed it up. And why blame it on the poor browser when it was your own bheja ?

hello my dear how r u u took that photo from your window

And I bet his brain grew a pair of wings, and flew out of that a window. Must have been a very bored brain too.


Hi Miss
Wat r u doin in Manipal.
Its a gr8 place to chill out at Udupis beach.
Gr8 university u r studying in which.
Miss can v frnds
Trust me slowly and ur trust will never end

Manipal ROCKS, of course . How does one Trust slowly? And if she did that, I bet her self respect would have ended it self .

really its a pleasure to hv a friend like u who looks so simple and sober by her face and just hv concerntrations towards goal nt hving time for extra bakwas activities
happy holi belated to you bye
just keep me in ur mind that is only u give me

Apparently, he has a lot of time for bakwaas activities. And what the hell does “just keep me in ur mind that is only u give me” mean ?


hi manipal...................wanna be friends

But Manipal doesn’t want to be friends with dumbasses like you.

oohhhh!!! a gal visiting my pro ...its rare !!! ..I saw ur pro ur frm MIT ..WOW!!! me too have studied in MIT Electrical !!! right now in bangalore honeywell !!! wat abt u ?????

No wonder a girl visiting his profile is rare.

hey....ssup ....saw ur profile...u luk lyk sum1 who wud b fun 2 kno....n dat makes ME give U a chance 2 get 2 kno ME bettr....as when v seek 2 discover da best in others...v somehow brin out da best in ourselves....lets see if ur fr REAL!

Philosopher cum philanderer. And a fool, of course. But he does have one talent. One look and he will tell you whether you are fun or not.


If i say hi.......u may say whoz this.... if i ask for chat....u may say why??.... if i ask u for a coffee.....u may say wt rubbish.... if i say i liked ur profile......u may say m flattering u..... if i ask for frnship.......u may say m flirting...... so can u plz suggest me hw to start wid a new relation.........???? till u reply i am trying wid a request.........".....m here looking for friends .....wat do u say?

I say that you are a demented dim-witted dumbass. The best way to start a new relation is to ensure that both the parties are of a sound mind. But he clearly needs a trip to the loony bin.


hi, it is nice to be friend of unknown!!!
i don't meet you unless you deserve .


Friend of unknown, eh? I think he is interested in befriending a supernatural being, a ghost of some sorts. And he won't meet unless "she deserves" . Bole to , attitude , huh ?

If I were stranded on a desert island, I wouldn't need three things - I'd just take you
I would probably commit suicide.

I am hungry for real gf, you like??

I think his imaginary girl friend dumped him. And no guesses why. That is why the poor soul is haunting the net, looking for a flesh-and-blood one.



Seriously, how can any guy even think of wooing a girl, or impressing her enough to grant his friend request on any social networking website, with the aid of these super crappy, most corny messages . Was there any blood in their brain when they came up with these masterpieces? And most of these losers also managed to murder/molest/maim the English language as well. It is the curse of the digital age, I guess. But, I did have a good laugh out of them.

p.s. To all the ladies who read this , please feel free to add something from your own experience , if you have had any . :)

Random Thought #6 : In all fairness

Who came up with the concept of fairness and equality? Who thought of an egalitarian society? From what I know of, this fundamentally flawed world has never been fair or equal, and I don’t think it ever will be. Quite often we use the phrase “double standards” ,contemptuously, but, when in fact , that is what the normal standard are like . It seems as if the tendency to not use the same yardstick (within the right context) for everyone/everything is in every human being. We all are partial; some exhibit that trait consciously, some subconsciously; everyone has his/her own axe to grind. Time to revise the definition, I guess. We have on side, a set of people fighting for fairness, justice and equality , and then those, who are unwilling to level the field. It is like a never ending tug of war .There are times when words like objectivity, impartiality, etc. seem like nothing more than foolish Utopian ideas. Once again, the dichotomy. It is like a pattern. Always there, in almost everything. Why?

Prem Mahotsav

This is a tag. By Ajit. Write a story on the 6th picture of your 6th folder. Well, I didn’t have 6 folders in my Pictures folder, but this is the 6th picture. I use it as a wall-paper.


And these are my thoughts, and not a story. Under normal circumstance, looking at this picture inspires me to think about Hindu Philosophy, the Big Bang and what-not. These days, it made me think about the people who claim to protect and preserve my religion and culture. The saviours of Sanatana Dharma, if I may. So what defines a culture, in particular Hindu culture? What makes it mine, and not yours? And do we have to delineate? If yes then how do we do that? Would not that process of delineation vary from person to person, as per her/his weltanschauung? Is acting on one's common sense and using one's intelligence a part of it or not? From the eyes of an Indian and a Hindu, culture for me is a living-breathing organism, which is ever evolving. It is a product of the environment it exists in, and it contributes to it as well. And Hinduism, I believe, is designed to survive the worst. It’s all encompassing nature shall ensure that. That is why we still have Hindus living in India and in large numbers too. That is why it is the Santana Dharma. And you cannot dictate terms of evolution to an organism. The process of evolution has no rules except one. To survive the test of time. And it will have to purge itself every now and then, to ensure its existence. But the moment we put a cap on it, we will stunt its growth. I say this as objectively as possible- Valentine’s Day is not a part of Hindu culture. But Love is. A very significant and immutable part of it. One word, Krishna, says it all. And that is why, in an indirect manner, it does become a part of it. V - Day is supposed celebration of love after all . This day never meant a lot to me, as it is more a marketing orgy for the card-chocolate-roses selling kind of corporations, a hallmark holiday. Most of the damned cards are dripping with red and pink and laced with extremely sugar coated quotations, that makes me want to throw up. All the hype and hoopla on V-day is nothing but one giant load of sappy crap to me, if you want to celebrate love, and then why not do it all year round as compared to one particular day? But thanks to Shree Ram Sena, it does mean more to me now. As IHM says, this year, it is more about liberty and freedom, than love. If India is a free country , then the choice to celebrate it is mine and mine alone .

On a side note, I hope all this Moral Police VS V-Day battle is not a part of some secret marketing strategy with the aim of pushing the sales of V-Day related products. Just a stupid thought, no offence to the women who got hurt intended. And in the same-crazy-line-of-thought, I hope Muthalik and his gang were not miffed by Hallmark or Archies, that they decided to, take it out on V-day.


As far as drinking is concerned, I will be damned if somebody says that it is not a part of Indian culture. Going to pubs to drink may be not. But somras and madeera-pan are. And most importantly, isn't drinking a vice and vice alone? Why make a crime out of it? If these guys are so anti-alcohol, then why don't they call for a making India one huge dry country? And why take it out on women alone? Why not men? It is the same liver, isn't it? And why drinking? Why the hell not smoking, which is far more dangerous and deadly than consumption of alcohol? What about prostitution? We know it is illegal in India, and we all know about red-light areas that exist in every bloody city. What about the upliftment of those poor souls, many of whom I believe were forced by circumstances in to the flesh trade. Which just strengthens my belief that what a pathetic charade all this is, to preserve Indian/Hindu culture. By their demented logic, a Hindu celebrating a non-Hindu festival would be against the ethos they are hollering about as well. And they would never dare campaign against banning alcohol or tobacco for sure. The powers that be would not allow them, because alcohol and tobacco together are one the largest sources of revenue. No matter what, “baap bada na bhaiya, sabse bada rupiya” does hold true.

Back to the favourite festival of India now. How this is for an idea, fuse the concept of Valentine’s Day and Krishna, and Indianise it? Make it more spiritual and less commercial. We can call it "Prem Mahotsav" and make Lord Krishna the patron God of it, and lo-and-behold, it is a part of our Sanskriti. And this could be a celebration of love across genders or relationships, sans stupid cards or overpriced chocolates. Pure, pious and pristine Love. What say, the-hoodlums-who-think-they-are-the-Moral Police? And I must add that I do not say this in jest . To all the children of my beloved Bharat Maata , Prem Mahotsav ki hardik shubhkamnayein . :)



A couple of interesting reads

1. Kanchan Gupta
2. The Rational Fool

Tagged !

Tagged once more. By Miss Indyeah , first name Awesome . :) My apologies Madam , for I haven’t used a lot of personal pictures . So without much more ado , I hereby end my blogging moratorium .

1.The age I will be on my next birthday




Why oh Why ? Why ! Why the Hell ! Why am I not Benjamin Button . While most people celebrate their birthdays , for me it is a sad reminder of the fact that I am getting older . If only I could be 22 for the rest of my life . *SIGH* And the fateful day is March 22nd .

2.A place you would like to travel

That’s a tough one. I would like to travel the Entire world, and go on a space tour as well. To name one, I would like to see the Himalayas. The place doesn’t matter.





3.My favourite food and drink

Hmmm. I am a foodie. I like all kinds of food. I am always ready to take my taste buds on an adventurous trip. But to name one, off the top of my head, Rice and chicken curry . Favourite drink, for now , would a beer called Guinness . It is Irish . And I am sorry if it is against Indian culture, and the moral police de damned, but I like to down one , every now and then . As Harivansh Rai Bachchan jee said , “Hindu aur musalman do , ek magar unka pyaala, bair karati mandir masjid, mel karati madhushala” . Cheers . :)



4.Favourite pet

Dogs . Any given day. Anytime . Loyal, faithful, playful . What else do you need ? And horses would be a second .



And that is Kaara . She is with my family back home . And I miss her . :(

5.Favourite place

Manipal. For ever. I wish I could get that tattooed on my body . I studied there and it was the best time of my life. And I shall love it till the day I die .



That is End point . It was one of my favourite places .

6.Favourite color combination




7.Favourite piece of clothing

Birthday suit. I wish I could wear that every day , every time . Preferably with a leaf or two covering you-know-what . ;) And no picture for this one . But when I am my normal self, trying not to be a misfit of an outcast , I prefer a t-shirt and shorts . And barefoot .

8. Favourite songs .

It is this one .
Click Madi
:D And please do tell me what your reaction was .



















Jokes apart , I don’t have on absolute all time favourite . So pardon me for the excesses , I will name a few .

Mad World – Gary Jules
Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin
Behind Blue Eyes – The Who
The Unforgiven – Metallica
Coming back to life – Pink Floyd
Dance of Death – Iron Maiden
Braveheart Theme Song – Enya
Play with fire – The Rolling Stones
Riders on the Storm – The Doors
Maa Tujhe Salaam - A R Rehman

I have named quite a few, so I will stop now .

9. Favourite TV Show(s)





10. Full Name of my significant other .

Hmmm . Her first name would be - Crazy-enough-to-fall-for-me . Her middle name would be - Patient-enough-to-bear-me And the last name - Brave-enough-to-take-the-plunge . Time alone shall tell who turns out to be my better half . I hope she turns out to be better , and not bitter .

11. City I live in - Bengaluru/Bangalore . Garden city . IT . Pubs ( :P to the Moral Police ) .

12. Screen name / nick name - Kislay . Always been Kislay . Except while playing Counter Strike , I am always me .

13. First job - Software Engineer . Always wanted to code since I was a kid .

14 . Dream Job - President of the Indian Moral Police Force . :D I shall ban everything directly or indirectly related to the WEST . There shall no more be a direction called West . Manage with three for the love of our Indian culture . The westerlies shall not blow as well . They hamper the digestion of Indian food , lead to constipation, and there fore are detrimental to our bhartiya sanskriti . I would even ban the letters W-E-S-T . Take that !

"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life " . That would be my dream job .

15. Bad habits I have .

Day-dreaming . Sleeping . Lazing around . To name a few . I have many . :) I am a bad boy .

16. My Worst fear

I fear that I will turn against my own principles some day .

17. The one thing I would like to do before I die .

A re-union road-trip to Om beach , Gokarna with my close friends .



18. The first thing I would buy with $ 1 Million

My freedom . From the vicious cycle of materialistic pursuits . I will ensure that I never have to worry about food,clothing or shelter ever again . So that I will be free to pursue any interest of mine .


19. My Favorite credo(s)

Sab moh-maya hai . :)
Eat , drink and be merry . :D
Live and LET live . :-|

20. Time to be creative . I will add one of my own . If you were to get a tattoo , what would it be , and where would it be ?

I would get 4 . A barcode on the back of my neck , for fun . An Om on right arm . A Pi on my left . The symbol of my faith on my left arm , and the symbol of my Science on my right . And one swastika , NOT the Nazi one , on my chest . Smeared in saffron,white and green . Yes Mesdames and Messiurs, I shall wear my love on my chest .


Time to pass the baton . I don't think someone ever took it from me , except once . So , instead of naming people , I will just tag my entire blogroll . If your name is on it , you are tagged . If you are game enough , do the work . :)