Sunday, February 22, 2009

Jilted Lovers

This is a fun post, or rather, supposed to be one. The credit for the contents goes to all the frustrated/desperate/bored super cerebral boys/men who hit on girls with their incredible one/two/three liners, ONLINE. This is dedicated to all the ladies who have received scraps, friend requests, sms’s, emails etc. etc. of the following nature; you have my sympathy . I am afraid I cannot offer any empathy . :) And thanks to the lady who provided me with these gems .

hi...incedent came across 2 ur profile....i like the way u desc. ur self...and nice pics 2...

Was this guy going for indecent? And desc? Desecrate yourself?

....well i stay near Nestle Apt....Opposite cutie how u doin.....wat do u do....will love to know more ab u..........

I think his mind is full of empty space.

Hey seems to b an imprsve profile while relating to the choice of communities...

As they say , a woman on a social networking website, is known by the communities she keeps .

hi ru ......
ur beautiful.......
how can i leave net. u r online yaar...he he

Well, he definitely took leave of his senses.

why !!! are the other passive faces in your inbox sleeping..... well at least you decided to scrap back... let see how far this goes

I will be damned. This one has a decent command over the English language. But still corny.

hii i am mohsin how are you.hiiiii atually theres nohing to say but would love to b ur frnd......

He should have reminded himself that he had nothing to say when he was typing that.

Hey listen....i just want to check u would like make new PALS??

Two people were asking me about u,
I gave them Ur address and cell no.
They will b visiting u soon.
Their names r Joy n Happiness.
Good Morning................
Have a day

Super duper corny and cheesy .

hello ..m into exports..mumbai..wanna be friendz??

Did he accidentally export his wits/common sense/intelligence to Timbuctoo?

hi there.
mary chritmas.

Poor Mother Mary! :(

Hi friends r u?really ur pic is very beautifull.......I am shock to see u

Hell yeah. And I was shocked when I read this.

Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii h r u ' be friend ( guy with Dhoni profile pic)

Awesome! A very considerate gentleman. He wants to make sure that the girl doesn’t get lost on her way to his profile. And he chose such a rare picture as well.


He started off in style. And then got carried away screwed it up. And why blame it on the poor browser when it was your own bheja ?

hello my dear how r u u took that photo from your window

And I bet his brain grew a pair of wings, and flew out of that a window. Must have been a very bored brain too.

Hi Miss
Wat r u doin in Manipal.
Its a gr8 place to chill out at Udupis beach.
Gr8 university u r studying in which.
Miss can v frnds
Trust me slowly and ur trust will never end

Manipal ROCKS, of course . How does one Trust slowly? And if she did that, I bet her self respect would have ended it self .

really its a pleasure to hv a friend like u who looks so simple and sober by her face and just hv concerntrations towards goal nt hving time for extra bakwas activities
happy holi belated to you bye
just keep me in ur mind that is only u give me

Apparently, he has a lot of time for bakwaas activities. And what the hell does “just keep me in ur mind that is only u give me” mean ?

hi manipal...................wanna be friends

But Manipal doesn’t want to be friends with dumbasses like you.

oohhhh!!! a gal visiting my pro ...its rare !!! ..I saw ur pro ur frm MIT ..WOW!!! me too have studied in MIT Electrical !!! right now in bangalore honeywell !!! wat abt u ?????

No wonder a girl visiting his profile is rare.

hey....ssup ....saw ur profile...u luk lyk sum1 who wud b fun 2 kno....n dat makes ME give U a chance 2 get 2 kno ME when v seek 2 discover da best in others...v somehow brin out da best in ourselves....lets see if ur fr REAL!

Philosopher cum philanderer. And a fool, of course. But he does have one talent. One look and he will tell you whether you are fun or not.

If i say hi.......u may say whoz this.... if i ask for chat....u may say why??.... if i ask u for a coffee.....u may say wt rubbish.... if i say i liked ur profile......u may say m flattering u..... if i ask for frnship.......u may say m flirting...... so can u plz suggest me hw to start wid a new relation.........???? till u reply i am trying wid a request.........".....m here looking for friends .....wat do u say?

I say that you are a demented dim-witted dumbass. The best way to start a new relation is to ensure that both the parties are of a sound mind. But he clearly needs a trip to the loony bin.

hi, it is nice to be friend of unknown!!!
i don't meet you unless you deserve .

Friend of unknown, eh? I think he is interested in befriending a supernatural being, a ghost of some sorts. And he won't meet unless "she deserves" . Bole to , attitude , huh ?

If I were stranded on a desert island, I wouldn't need three things - I'd just take you
I would probably commit suicide.

I am hungry for real gf, you like??

I think his imaginary girl friend dumped him. And no guesses why. That is why the poor soul is haunting the net, looking for a flesh-and-blood one.

Seriously, how can any guy even think of wooing a girl, or impressing her enough to grant his friend request on any social networking website, with the aid of these super crappy, most corny messages . Was there any blood in their brain when they came up with these masterpieces? And most of these losers also managed to murder/molest/maim the English language as well. It is the curse of the digital age, I guess. But, I did have a good laugh out of them.

p.s. To all the ladies who read this , please feel free to add something from your own experience , if you have had any . :)


Masood said...

This is so freakin hilarious

Indyeah said...

ROFL!!!so this was the post you were working on!:D

awesome !awesome!How did you know my dukh bhari gaatha?:D

and @@I am hungry for real gf''?seriously??
oh this is good Kislay!:D

oh this has all the makings of a forward mail..:D

God bless you for making me laugh like a loon!:D
I will be reading this everytime I get one of those requests and you can get more material:D

Kislay said...

Thank you . But the credit goes to the losers who wrote them , and the poor girl who got them .

Thank you . :D And yes, I was busy giving the final touches to this one . Can you imagine someone saying that , "I am hungry for real gf" ? But I must say , the inspiration came from the friend of mine ,who showed all the messages she got . Feel free to add , if you ever got any . :)

Usha Pisharody said...

Lol! Great stuff here! And all goof-ups with the language part, not to mention the intelligence, if any :)

Very entertaining!

Indian Home Maker said...

Loved your comments after all these friendship requests ... those are really, really funny, rotfl :)
Nice, fun post!

Goofy Mumma said...

I am laughing like crazy here. Nice compilation Kislay.:)

A guy once mailed me on Orkut, inspite of the 'married' status, with all his details, including, caste, community, where he stays, where he works, what he works as etc etc and asked for a 'spl frensip'. :D Had a lot of fun teasing the DH with that, telling him how people are still wooing me!

Ajit said...

hahahahahha LOL.....
:) guys can be such idiots..... :) and the main thing which i can see that those people think that they have hope... :)

freespirit said...

Pliss to make frendshipps?

When will they learn?

Kislay said...

Thank you all .Glad to know that it made you laugh .
They never learn . :)

Solilo said...

Ha..ha..ha.. Kislay. This is hilarious. I re-read and still laughing like crazy.

"I am hungry for real gf''?"

I am sure he would have to keep up with the fake one. :))

Kislay said...

Indeed . :)

nimis540 said...


I can't add more to the list,you have covered almost all of those one-two liners..

Usually,I get the same lines 'Your profile is very interesting,can we be friends".."Hello dear,how are you"-I wonder how can they talk that way when i don't even know then.. I never accept requests from strangers :)

Kislay said...

No sane woman would . Most of these guys seem to be brain dead . :)

Pro said...

Hilarious dood!! I am reading this in the middle of a corporate training and am having a hard time suppressing laughter! Kudos to these Romeos who have made the transition from the roadside to social networking site! Brilliant I must say!

Kislay said...

Thanks man . The credit goes to them . :) What happened to your new year blogging resolution ?

Pro said...

My New year blogging resolution has gone down the drain for now. Don't worry... even if i have to write a blog a minute on New Year's Eve to meet my target I'll f***ing do it!!

Pro said...

Also, post some more samples of literary genius found on orkut. Nothing would make one smile more.

Kislay said...

Glad to know that . And as far as Literary genius on Orkut is concerned , I will do if I come across it . I believe there is no dearth of it . :)

cool cancerian said...

Hilarious! Maybe you'd like to read this:

Kislay said...

@Cool Cancerian
:) Thanks for the link .

cool cancerian said...

Hello Kislay, the link you left at my page (shailsnest)isn't working. Just hopped over to tell you that. Thanks for visiting.

Cool Cancerian aka Shail

Kislay said...

This is embarrassing . :) I thought Cool Cancerian and Shail were two different people . :D

Anonymous said...

Ah..Finally, someone came up with the bright idea of putting these scraps together! This is so funny! I think it's the third or fourth time I'm reading this and my sides are exploding!! :)

Great post, Kislay

Kislay said...

Thank you .