Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Forsaken Childhood

It was not God forsaken, to tell you the truth. It was fine, in most respects. Quite a few ups, a few downs, it was a roller coaster ride I thoroughly enjoyed. When it got over, I saw this child striving to be a man, who turned out to be fine though. He is not a perverted, self centered, sadistic and chauvinistic pig, but rather a decent and generously flawed human being. I am very grateful for that. But, for many years, I could not remember the child I was. The recollection was hazy at best. That pained me a lot. You should never ever forget the child you were. You should never let  those memories fade away. If you can't relive a few moments from your childhood, if you can't be that kid again, even for a few fleeting moments, you lose a part of yourself. And the process of regaining that lost part is very long, arduous, excruciatingly painful, and at times, insurmountable. But it is worth every wail and every tear. Every bit of that anguish is worth it. Reclaiming my childhood has healed me, incredibly inspired me, and made me whole again. There are still many a gaping holes. Many bridges need to be built again. But I have the blue print, the gist of it. I had forgotten who I was. I did not believe. Rather, I refused to believe. But, slowly and steadily, it is all coming back. Like a giant jigsaw puzzle getting the most important chunks. The mist lifts, with each day. The journey of rediscovery is an absolute delight. To restore the never-say-die spirit, when the fight was worth it. To be possessed by the exuberance. To be happy for the tiniest of reasons. To be insatiably curious and ever bright eyed. Again. Forever.  
I am going to be who I was was. I am reclaiming my forsaken childhood. I will be damned, if I don't. 

"When I was a child, I was a superman. Now, I am just a man" 

p.s The title of the post, is a book bearing the same name, written by a great and tireless soul, a close friend of mine and one of the best human beings I have ever known. 

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