Friday, June 26, 2009

Jilted Lovers II

Ladies and Gentle Bloggers , Jilted Lovers is back , courtesy some of my female friends . I must say , had I been at the receiving end of these incredible messages , I would have considered castration or a sex change operation .

Lower your IQ , loosen you belt , and laugh out loud ! My comments in italics . :)


hiiii...can be frndzzz do cre to rply...!!!

This guy appears as: I WaNt 2 C MiNe DeATh CerTiFiCaTe:) . I think he needs to see a certificate assuring us of his sound mental health .

Hiii... i i m also a student in gzb. may v frenzzz...

If only all single and desperate to mingle B.Tech students from the IIT's and the NIT's could use this , life would would be a lot rosier for them .

Hi may i frndshp with u

First you mental-checkup-with-loony-doctor .

hi im .. jst cmpltd Msc, wrking fr a s/w cmpny jst saw ur profile yar its interesting... wanna hav friendship with u.. if willing pl reply...

Screw you , I no longer "do friendship" with Software Engineers . Your market value has crashed . Contact me after 2014 , when the Recession is over .

Hi.i cant ask u to b my frend as u know nothing about me.but wud like to talk to u if u dnt mind as i m also frm aligarh n now working in bangalore

I can be a fiend to you , and to all the other losers from Loony-garh working in Bangalore .

well about me i m n i m from Lucknow and and and i have done my Mass Comm from Aligarh Muslim University and i stay at Bangalore and i like mind
ice-cream with cery and i love my cat, and bla bla bla and n urs like n dislike...! n u r college

He likes “mind ice-cream with cery” ! Very scary . Any relation to Dr. Hannibal Lecter ? And how did he end up at AMU ? He did not learn to communicate with a single person , leave alone the masses . He sounds like a total jackass to me . I wish he gets hired by NDTV or CNN-IBN .

This is Chandan ..Working in Air Force...Looking 4 a Sweet friend...So if u wana interested to fly on the wings of friendship Wid me.....get ready den...I am
ready to take off now......

If you friendship is anything like the MiG's , fly solo .

Very soon, i will at bangalore............

You will what , crash land ?

plz do reply ..Waiting for ur positive response...bye...take care

Here is my response > + respone ! :P

This the gem , the master piece , the best and the brightest of the lot -

never think dat i m d type of guy(like oders)who likes 2 talk 2 every gal only bcoz of d reason dat she is a gal....i realy respect gud gals a lot..but today
most of d gals do not understand d diference b/w becoming a modern gal n a vulgar if u r a gud gal den u r most welcome..if not, den stay away 4m
me as i just cant tolerate such shameless gals..(so such gals... dnt send me a frend wil never b accepted) only dose gals(strangers) wil b
geting frend request from my side who seems 2 b gud....dont take me in wrong way....i know how 2 behave wid gals..but 1st become such dat i feel proud 2 say
dat i have a frend who deserves 2 b call a GIRL. now ur wish.......sorry if i hurt anyone....(i know most of d gals wnt like al dis n wil not talk 2 me bcoz
of al dat stuff writen dere....but i also know wat type of gals dose wud it dnst effect i realy luv being hated by such gals..)

Boy oh Boy ! I am stumped . His audacity ! The stink of MCP-ness coming from him . He loves to be hated by "vulgar gals" . He wants "good gals" in his good books, so that he can be proud of them . Is he a member of the SRS ? I think the PCC should be re-launched just to smother him with pink panties .

hiiiiii can u add me ass frdf????????????

How honest of him ! He accepts that he is an ass . "me - ass" !


""friendly 4u"" (

He is friendly . He is sexy . And the extra i's in his Hi account for the number of incompetent idiots he is worth . The number of exclamation marks are the
number of times he was hit on the head with a big fat stick , by some well wisher of his , to knock some sense into him . Did it help ?

"can't we be frnds kya yaar plzz do let me know abut this plzzz

hi hw r u doing?hey can't we be frnds yaar plzz do reply me........will wait for ur reply.

hi hw r u doing?????????can we be frnds????????"

He had been poisoned . The anti-dote to the poison is a chemical called stupidomorphin , which is released when he sends friend requests to random girls . The more loserish he sounds , the more chemicals his body secretes , the longer he lives . Inspired from Crank .

hi n orkut.......welcum buddy...........!!!!!!!!!!!!

His handle was PJ . He has been appointed as the HR/PR/Liaison officer for Orkut , to welcome new members and make them feel welcome . It would be shame of
somebody was friendless even after joining a social networking website , wouldn't it ?

serial kisser - photography is my passion

Yes , his handle is serial kisser ! Need I say more ?

hi friend how r u aur batao kaisi ho aur kya kar rahi ho

Your friend is cursing the day she decided to join this particular social networking website .

hiiiiiiiiii can we be friends

This message was sent by “i am alone... want to be alone”. He is alone , no surprises there . And he wants to be alone, then why does he need friends ?

The Hot chocolate boy

He thinks his handle makes him hot and a boy with chocolatey looks . I think it can also mean a hot chocolate – boy , bole to , one who serves or sells hot chocolate . I bet he didn't think of that .

can v b afrnd?

No comments here

When you are feeling all alone Down-hearted, sad and blue,And you think that there's just no one

Actually , I thought there are no more fools like you , the Universe must have run out of your kind . But I was wrong . And that is why I am blue, sad and down hearted . Alone , waiting for intelligent life on Orkut .

Friday, June 19, 2009

The Necessary Evil

Neo would not have appeared as awe inspiring, had Agent Smith been a weaker character, a lesser sentient being (The Matrix). Had there been no Joker , Gotham City would have never realized the huge sacrifice Batman made (The Dark Knight). The greatness of the Dark Knight would not have been revealed; and it is in proportion to how great a character the Joker himself was. Frodo, Aragorn and Gandalf needed Sauron to sustain their goodness (The Lord of the Rings), just as Ergaon needs Galbatorix . And where would my dear Sherlock Holmes be without Professor Moriarity ?

The analogies I have employed are borrowed mostly from books and movies, but they would make sense to you, if you are familiar with them.

What would have been the stature of Gandhi in the absence of an evil British Empire? Would we ever know what sweet is without tasting bitter? Would good be perceived as good, if there was no evil? I think not.

We need Evil, to realize what good is all about. It is not there to punish us or make us worship or pray to the tall man in flowing robes with a white beard and a booming voice holding a staff of gold out of fear or reverence , but rather to complete the picture , and balance the system . Good and evil are the two sides of the same coin. Evil is like the force of friction , which slows down a wheel; but will the wheel ever turn and move forward if there was no friction ? It is as much an integral part of the vicious Cycle as Good is. I can never imagine a state of where humanity is either all evil or all good. That is why World Peace is nothing but a Utopian dream.

The wholeness of any entity in this world is dependent upon an entity opposite to it, one which either complements or negates it, be it the nature, physical attributes or quality. Man and Woman, Yin and Yang, a proton and an electron, they all come in pairs, as does Good and Evil. While on one hand , it is disappointing the existence of good is dependent upon evil , that even when everything appears to be as sunny as it could ever be, there is darkness lurking by ; on the other hand, even the darkest of clouds have a silver king , the most evil of men will be conquered by the forces of Good, happiness will follow sadness . Once again, they complement each other in philosophical reasoning as well.

Good needs Evil. How can one bask in the warmth emanated by goodness, if one has never felt the soul freezing chill of Evil? Dostoevsky's words come to my mind. "It is easier to denounce evil, than to understand it". A villainous character will be swore at , but if you step out of the system , then you realize that the bad man , actually is a major player in the chain of events that unfolded, due to which the World is the way it is . If he is removed a little too early or a little too late, the consequences would be disastrous for sure. Remove Adolf Hitler out of the historical picture , and the EU and the UN would disappear as well. In fact, so would the technological revolution which was ushered during and after the WW II. Imagine, if mankind was oblivious of the abstract notions of good and evil, try and contemplate as to what would have happened. I see inertness. I see no life. For can the process of creation be actually initiated in the absence of destruction?

This balance between good and evil also attempts to explain God, as to something which is not dependent on an opposite, to be in its natural form or a state ; something neither good or evil or encompassing both good and evil . If I confused you , please ponder over it. From this definition of God, consciousness, the life force within living beings, can be explained as an entity which is just there, neither created nor destroyed, purest form of energy ; and it just changes its host environment. From the body a house-fly to body a mighty human. Imagine, a super consciousness, which is made up of such innumerable consciousnesses. Imagine, if you could, a being, which is made up these minuscule life-forces, the way our bodies are made up of cells. And think about what you really are, an organism who struts around the Earth with a puffed chest, when the spark inside you and a humble ant, is the same. If mankind, and all the living species were perishable toys , then the consciousness is like the battery powering it .

All of a sudden, the existence of Aghories make sense.

A mosquito irritates and bites us, and sometimes infects us with a virus that may even cause death. Doesn’t that make it an evil creature, one befitting death and elimination? Hail All-Out, eh? But what is it doing, if nothing but merely what it was designed to do? Suck blood. And what are we designed to do? Suck the planet dry, for one. But also, we are here to survive, and we do so in a multitude of ways. So while we are doing our duty as a species, so is the mosquito. And that is why we need to break free of the system, which has us trapped in, moving in circles, on many different levels. Cycles of life and death, of sickness and health, of happiness and sadness, of rags and riches, of the different states of existence, as a mosquito or a man, an ant or an elephant. A system which presents us with a picture so bright and beautiful, that we often fail to ask the right question “who painted it and why”? A fruit so tempting and delicious to look at, touch,feel and eat, that we forget about the tree. A design which creates an ingenious Virtual Reality. Evil is just doing its job; to be a bad ass, and kick the Good guys whenever and wherever they can. Denouncing it is just not enough, an effort to understand it is important as well, for the truer and clearer picture to emerge. This might give a clue to the meaning of existence, the purpose of life. And that is why I think, that Evil is a manifestation of that very Supreme consciousness .

"Evil is not simply the contradiction of good that can be avoided by goodness; instead it is an aspect of good itself that we have separated from good so that the other side may continue to exist as good" - Source Unknown

“There has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it.” - Buddha

p.s. What I have written is based on my own negligible understanding of why things are the way are . This is neither the first word , nor the final one .

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Traveler,The Peasant and The Brahmin

A traveler, Muslim by faith, passing through a predominantly Hindu village, pleaded for shelter to a peasant of moderate affluence. The peasant was aware of the difference in their faiths, he knew that stranger standing before him was a beef-eater, one who called him a kaafir and prayed to his Allah. But he also saw a hungry man; he could relate to his tiredness as someone who has plowed his own fields, the traveler’s weariness was no stranger to him as one who was at the mercy of agents beyond his influence, factors beyond his control. The drooping beard, the disheveled hair and the pangs of hunger on his sweaty face appealed to the human in him. In his heart of hearts, he wanted to help this man. But he was hesitant. So, he decided to consult the priest of the village, a shrewd and learned Brahmin. The Brahmin scoffed at the idea of him helping a musalman and threatened him with dire consequences if he did so. He used his learning and eloquence to explain what a grave sin he was going to commit. He reasoned with the peasant, whether he actually wanted to give shelter to a cow-killer? The Brahmin smiled, inwardly, when the peasant left with a squarer jaw and a flinty look in his eyes. The Mohammedan was given the boot, no surprises there. The Hindu was saved from desecrating his dharma. He was happy, even proud, of his actions, considering it a step closer to Heaven.

Now, why did the Brahmin inspire the peasant in such a way? It was not because he actually believed in what he preached. Oh No! He was well versed in his shastras, he was aware of his first and foremost duty as a human, as a member of the family this World is. Vasudeva kutumbam was what his sacred texts had taught him. Had he been in a similar pickle, he would have actually cooked for the poor traveler, as he knew that, Atithi Devo Bhava. He had no objection to his being a Muslim, for he truly believed in Sarva Dharma Sambhava. But his knowledge did not deter him from doing what he did. Because it did not help him. The good will that the peasant would have earned was of no use to him. The control he had over the peasant, and his kind, was more important and beneficial to him. If the peasant somehow came to know, that his natural instincts and his common sense kept him on the morally and ethically right path, that he did not need the Brahmin’s wisdom, for what Life taught him was through its myriad ways was enough for him to live with his head held high, that he could reject the Brahmin’s wisdom if it did not appear wise to him; the Brahmin would lose the power he wielded over him, and subsequently the others. In an indirect fashion, the priest also influenced the Muslim’s lives, by ensuring that he was not sheltered. His one word could have been the difference between life and death for the traveler. Power was the most sinful delicacy the Brahmin had ever tasted.

But he forgot, that the power he acquired through gaining the good will of such Hindu peasants and Muslim travelers was purer, whiter and not easy to vanquish, as compared to what he wielded through control, deception and obfuscation. The surrender of the peasant and traveler to his will may or may not be a natural result, unwilling and half-hearted, but the good will of a fellow man cannot be forced out of him.

We all condemn Divide-and-Rule, but we all indulge in it, I think, if not consciously, then sub or un consciously. We all have been the Brahmin, the Peasant or the Muslim once.

The Brahmin could have been a Mullah,a Padri and the traveler a Hindu or a Sikh. It would all be the same. Humanity is so hell bent bickering , waging wars against each other , fellow species and Mother Nature , that it forgets why we are humans in the first place . An intelligent life form must have a higher purpose other than mere existence , at least not the way we exist now . Is it too much to expect this from Gaya's most intelligent child , to live with all the possible imperfections , but in a way which ensures that life itself is not threatened ?

Creative Disclaimer - No disrespect or mal intent intended towards Muslims , Non Brahmin Hindu peasants or Brahmins , in general . It is just a story , please treat it like one .

Friday, June 12, 2009

Black Box of Secularism

I mentioned something called a BBS in this post, The Case for our next PM . So here it goes , the BS about a BBS !

Black box is a technical term for a device, system or object when it is viewed in terms of its input, output and transfer characteristics without any knowledge required of its internal workings. Almost anything might occasionally be referred to as a black box: a transistor, an algorithm, humans, the Internet, the way political parties in India function and interpret Secularism (I added the last one). The opposite of a black box is a system where the inner components or logic are available for inspection (such as a free software/open source program), which is sometimes known as a white box, a glass box, or a clear box.

Secularism is the assertion that governmental practices or institutions should exist separately from religion and/or religious beliefs. In one sense, secularism may assert the right to be free from religious rule and teachings, and freedom from the government imposition of religion upon the people, within a state that is neutral on matters of belief, and gives no state privileges or subsidies to religions. In another sense, it refers to the view that human activities and decisions, especially political ones, should be based on evidence and fact unbiased by religious influence.

So why is the BBS, a black box? Well, it says it is secular, but you don't know what the hell is going on inside. You expect it to be secular in all contexts and in all the four dimensions, but it chooses its environment selectively. You expect it to be secular, the way secularism is defined, but it follows its own pattern, as if a very highly evolved AI controls it. Unlike the communal forces of India, who are openly communal, it is mystery as to how those who claim to be secular are so? As I said, you don’t know what goes inside the bloody black box. You are not supposed to know. The result is computed on the basis of the input. You have to kill your curiosity about how was it actually computed, and be content with the result.

Being black, it absorbs all the negative communal energy and radiates positive secular energy. The BBS is incredibly effective in blocking out saffron rays. Say, you are getting irritated by the pakhandi baba who is preaching about the benefits of sanyas, perched on a plush cushion in an air-conditioned room, just take out the mini black box. First it will drain the colour out of his robes, and subsequently, his energy. But we must tell you, the designers of this black box were targeting a specific kind of communal crowd. This device absorbs the harmful communal energy emanated by the Saffron brigade only. So if any you thought that air dropping thousands of these over Pakistan or Afghanistan would be the perfect solution, BOO HOO, it is NOT. And neither will it work on the Khalistanis or the aggressively proselytizing Missionaries.

As some we buffoons in the software industry say, “In God we trust, everything else we test”. Even this ingenious device was tested exhaustively, after the development of the first prototype. It was tested on one of the popular leaders of Uttar Pradesh who is, or rather was a key conspirator in the Babri Masjid demolition. To assess its actual effectiveness, it was done without his active knowledge, and lo-and-behold, he turned secular. He switched from a clearly communal party to an absolutely secular party. It was the single-most greatest moment for the Scientists who worked on this project. There have been numerous other success stories as well. One recent incident involved the questioning the circumstances of the death of a super cop, and giving it a Hindutva angle. In this case, certain political leaders, political activists and sections of the media were under the influence. A famous author, who writes about God, small things and how India asks for attacks like 26/11, has had one of her kidneys replaced with a BBS. It is not well known, that a noted film maker who recently came out with a movie on one of the most infamous riots in India, attached a mini-BBS as an appendage to the cameras that were used to shoot the movie. Many political leaders, who rant about what happened in this 02, and forget about what happened in 84, are wearing lockets which have a micro-BBS’s in its chamber. It is quite possible that this could be the reason why the cause of the Kashmiri Pundits goes unnoticed. A key ally of the NDA, which switched sides in the recent elections, did so because a multi-million MW BBS was installed in their party HQ. The terrorist-cum-politician, one of the key suspects in the Coimbatore bomb blasts, was under the influence of the BBS when he apologized for his “misdemeanor”. This is an anomaly, for we did not expect the BBS to work on this kind of communalism .Our other similar attempts have failed, as the design dictates they should (Saffron only). And this is a wild shot, and though it has never been questioned, my gut says the BBS had a role here. Remember the day one of the prominent communal leaders and PM-aspirant in the 09 Elections showered praised on the man who divided India? It could have been the result of the telescopic BBS gun, which is still in its infancy. I have my doubts, but I am willing to bet on it.

While I am not sure, but I think that the communal forces have developed a prototype to reverse the secular and induce the communal effect. This project is still in its experimental stages, and given the rate at which indigenous technology is developed in India, it will take a while for it to be fully successful. Of all the test subjects I am aware of, the only one it worked on was the brother of a politician from Kashmir, who is going to be inducted as Minister in this Government. He, and I heard on this TV, did not disapprove of the Babri Masjid demolition. Yes. Believe it or not. Apparently, places of prayer should not be built upon disputed sites; hence the demolition was actually a favour to the minority community. I concur that the fundamental principle of the device may be right, but the implementation needs a lot more R&D.

Coming back to BS, err, I mean BBS . The key element used in the BBS is Secularium. It has a variable half life, and depends on the object it is acting on. (The half-life of a quantity whose value decreases with time is the interval required for the quantity to decay to half of its initial value). For instance, a strong willed person might wipe out all trace of this element from his system, if he had to gain something under the guise of being communal. Say, you are not happy with the Secular party for not getting a ticket, you can suddenly start screaming “Hindutva!” , buy a trident , start wearing t shirts with Om on it, beat up a few women, rant and rave about Bhartiya or Hindu sanskriti , and then join the Communal party . But as I said, you need to be strong willed. Spineless, yet strong willed.

1 sJ (Secular-Joule) is the amount of energy radiated by the BBS, to bring about a tiny change in an individual, comparable to secularizing one cell, subject to the condition that the person has not been exposed to communal energies for more than an year. The amount of energy needed to bring about the desired change, is directly proportional to the period and degree of exposure. I think Varun Gandhi can be brought back into the secular fold. Praveen Togadia is a lost case, unless we explode the thermonuclear BBS device.

It has been found, that similar to nuclear radiation, over exposure to the BBS may induce cancerous growth in your body, which will reject everything saffron or some close shade of it. So say bye bye to Fanta, Mirinda, Mangoes, Orange Rasgullas and Halwa-with-Kesar in it. One of the test subjects, who was given a more liberal dose, reacted very violently when a triangular shaped saffron flag was waved in front of him. It was worse than when a bull sees red. (*Brainwave* A new phrase, instead of a “bull sees red”, a “secular sees saffron”). Another test subject with a similar high level of Secularium in his blood stream, who had just helped himself to six large helpings of Spanish paella valenciana, suffered from diarrhea and vomiting, and the team had to struggle hard to save him.

Under the influence of BSS, one might just perceive the world, especially India, into shades of communal and secular. So, one is either of the two, and the rest of the factors be damned. For instance, the junta of Delhi is secular because they voted for Sheila Deikshit, but those of Chhattisgarh or MP are communal as they voted back BJP. Also, the current victory of the UPA is a victory of secularism over communalism, no other variables involved.

The full scope of the BBS is yet to be discovered. One of our scientists, while on a break, put a mini-BBS prototype on a TV. What he observed was that only a certain number of news channels could be viewed, the ones which seem to favour a particular political party of India. What was even more interesting was that the voice and arguments of their famous journalists became louder, stronger and shriller. For the communal one, that might cause an ear bleed, or a brain hemorrhage. The BBS could be a potential weapon, an insidious and deadly one.

The BBS has, as its key components, certain sensors, of a very special kind, the element Secularium, intricate circuitry, and a flawless software. My apologies for not divulging more information. How the hell will it be a black box if you know everything about it? More importantly, the understanding of such a device is beyond your plebian intelligence. By the way, the software was not written by TCS, we will have you know. TCS->Tata->Ratan Tata->Nano->Gujarat, get the drift. Back to the BBS, it is a devious machine. Say, a person is standing near it. This machine sends electrical signals, similar to the ones that are generated in your brain when you think, which produces a thought in his mind. A Sample – Should Afzal Guru be hanged? The BBS then gauges the response from the person, by reading the output, the resulting electrical signals generated. If the answer indicates that the person is communal in nature, the Secularium swings into action. Simple, yet very effective.

The BBS comes in many shapes, sizes and strengths . We might come up with a USB compatible BBS drive , for curing communal bloggers , the author of Orange, for instance.

That's all folks. So far, this product has been a classified one. Soon, we plan to mass produce it, launch a massive media campaign and popularize it. Obviously, the English Media would help us, because they themselves are patrons of Indian Secularism. We hope to accomplish this before the communal forces develop a fully functional GCB (Glass Box of Communalism) prototype. We have come with the name of the company which will be selling this engineering marvel, INC. And please, I know what some of you communal idiots must have thought; INC stands for Indian-Neutralizer-of-Communalism. We are looking for a kickass slogan. If you have an idea, please mail it to . The winner gets a trip to Italy.

The following is the script of the advertisement we plan to air sometime in the future. All characters in the following idea-of-an-Ad are fictitious. Any resemblance to a person living or dead, is purely co-incidental

Rahul and Varun are two estranged brothers. Due to communal company, and over-saffronization, Varun is dying in a hospital, battling for his life, when in a moment of excruciation, he forgets all his differences, and shouts out a loud and resonant, “Bhaiyyaaaaaaaaaa”. Mean while, our hero, the super secular brother Rahul, is sipping green tea about 37 miles away, when his windows shatter, and he hears his younger brother's wail. He knows what he has to do. With a grim determination, he straps on a duffle bag with a BBS, and kick-starts his Ducati Monster. As he revs the hell out of the bike, he screams out a loud “Main as raha hoon chote”. The crows start cawing, and windows and glass objects, shatter, again. In a flash, he is off. It is a race against time. He rode as never before. He drives through orange orchards, draining the fruits of their juice, and nukkad-jalebi shops, draining the sweet of its syrup. Sanyasis sitting under trees are struck by a sudden de-saffronization of their apparel, reminding one of the many Tide ads. Like a juggernaut, our Ducati-driving-Dude reaches the hospital, and rushes to the ward where his sick cousin (pun intended) lies. He takes of the BBS, and places it on the heaving chest of Varun. And then, they all hold their breath. Varun screams, and then becomes lifeless, the monitor shows no pulse, the sickening sound of death in the air. But, this is India, the land of Hindi Cinema. As Rahul starts staring at the ceiling, and was about to deliver a heavy dialogue for God's benefit, Varun springs back to life. The BBS had done its magic. In a calm and secular voice, with a beatific smile on his face, he says, “Bhaiyya, aap aa gaye”. “Haan chote, tu bulaye aur main na aaon”, says Rahul. And then, Varun avows to sever all ties with anything Saffron and its close shades. They hug tightly, as the clouds make way for the shining sun.

A BBS, to save your dying brother – Expensive (as your brother was very very communal)
A Ducati Monster, made in Italy, to get you to your dying brother – Very Expensive
Bringing back your long lost brother into the secular fold – Priceless

That is the power, of a Black Box of Secularism.

The End

p.s. Do I have to say that this is a satire ? This is my way of protesting against the twisted,perverted version of Secularism that the Political Parties practice . Some make no pretense about not being secular , some claim to be secular and are not and some follow their own brand of it . WTF !

Friday, June 5, 2009

Great Indian Leader

This a short story, inspired by Wag the Dog and the brouhaha over Obama's victory , followed by the quest for and debates over an Indian Obama. This is a figment of my twisted imagination , the seed was sown years ago, but it bore fruit now .

About the movie – It is based on 'American Hero', a 1993 satirical conspiracy theory novel written by Larry Beinhart . It speculated that Operation DESERT STORM had been scripted and choreographed as a ploy to get George H.W. Bush reelected to a second term (taking their cues from Margaret Thatcher's similar invasion of the Falkland Islands), while at the same time analyzing exactly why that conflict had been so popular. Starring Robert De Niro and Dustin Hoffman, the movie is about a Washington spin doctor who distracts the electorate from a U.S. presidential sex scandal by hiring a Hollywood producer, played by Dustin Hoffman, to construct a fake war with Albania. The scheme enlists the musician Willie Nelson (who creates a theme song for the 'war').
( Source – Wikipedia)

Wag the dog - To cause a desired result by means other than the obvious or rational method. Imagine you want a dog to wag it's tail. You should make the dog happy, and the tail will wag. If you can't or won't make the dog happy, you can get the tail to wag by "wagging the dog".

“When the college saw that black students were failing Calculus at a disproportionately high rate to their enrollment, they decided to wag the dog by making the tests less difficult.”


Great Indian Leader

With the aid of a media , how a man of moderate charisma and mediocre talents, as selfish and self-absorbed as the average person, was turned into a magnanimous and magnificent human , a Great Indian Leader . It started of as a bold and imaginative experiment , how a chosen candidate , who had all the right credentials and appearances , was decided upon by the Council to be projected as the next Great Indian Leader . They had nothing to lose if this venture failed , for they would go back to their old barbaric ways, fighting like dogs for votes. This Council comprised not only politicians of the same party , but rather included all the major ones , those who could sway the masses and effectively divide and rule. This may sound strange, but up there, it did not matter who ruled or who did not , they all wielded power and were beyond the rules of a democratic system. They had enough of infighting and fighting amongst each other . It was unanimously decided that the autocracy, anarchy, monarchy and dynasticism that had crept into their system must go . A common goal was agreed upon, a unified vision projected; to introduce an internal democracy. A new constitution which treated each politician equally , which bestowed upon them the right , to share the fruits of the exploit of the masses in proportion of political experience, seniority and the size of the vote bank they controlled . A democracy which would ensure the safety,longevity and security of their lives and political careers, and of their children as well, so that they could go on sucking the blood and life of the populace. The time had come for them to coalesce as a single political unit, driven by their mutual lust for power, they had to evolve for their survival. And the first stage of this process, was this elaborate scheme, a political and sociological experiment . Thus began 'Operation Bharat' . The irony of the name does not do unnoticed.

After an intensive and exhaustive research , after rejecting saffron , green and white candidates , they decided upon one who had none of these, no colour of his own, no personal ideology . They decided to camouflage him so , that to one it would appear saffron , to another green . And some also might see in him , a shade of red . His character was given a design , a diabolical and a genius one . His words and actions were so brilliantly crafted . They had a team of self-styled analysts and 'omniscient' experts to defend his every aspect , who, though professed and preached very differently , yet were on the payroll of the council . They argued and counter argued over whether he was secular or communal , liberal or authoritarian , but in the end they all concurred on his national character , as an agreed upon concession . They created a beautiful multi-hued haze through deception,obfuscation and inveigling, which kept the masses fooled and misled ; while the truth lay hidden comfortably behind the smoke screen . The objective was not at all simple , it was intricate and involved many variables ; to keep the public fooled enough so that they never see him for what he really was , a good-looking and fluent-speaking non-entity , with no flair or flamboyance , no charisma , in fact , nothing extraordinary, and a willing puppet . Through clever campaigning and media management , they made that dog wag* , rather than the tail . His meticulously planned moves ensured that he was in the right place and among right people, at the right time . His popularity was surging , he was headed the right way . He appeared as a messiah for all of them. Suddenly , after a very long time, the people of this land were united , and backed one man , their new Great Indian Leader . It was not as if a few did not see through this mother of all lies, this gigantic farce , but then what can a David do to a hundred Goliaths . The few that rose against them were crushed , their names and reputations destroyed , and they did not hesitate from resorting to brute force, if and when their other methods failed. By hook and by crook , they eliminated their enemies and the rebels. Gradually, they built this seemingly benign Frankenstein, with larger-than-life pieces.

Their Experiment had passed all the tests , now was the time for the acid one , and the strategy employed was unique . Although the GIL was the brainchild of the Council, they decided to launch a political offensive against him , as they would have done against a genuine political opponent .The parties of the council other than the one which fielded this candidate, declared war against him. There was a rhyme and reason behind it. For their efforts to bear fruition, even this impostor had to survive the harshest , had to temper himself in the hell-fire that is the Indian Election , learn how to dance, and make others as well, to the tune of this vibrating democracy. They had never hoped that this would go on forever , but they wanted it to last long enough , to enjoy undisputed , unchallenged power till they possibly could. They were pragmatic realists , and knew greater truths and wisdom than the lies they usually preached and the venom they occasionally spewed . This was the ultimate challenge ,the final hurdle the GIL had to jump , the crux of the entire masquerade . Political Alliances can barely make 5 years , charismatic leaders have made 10 ; if they managed to guarantee even a 15 or 20 year rule , they would be on cloud nine with a rainbow around their shoulders , for a while.

And as it has always happened for this nation , it went the other way . He won . It was a juggernaut. Calling it a landslide would not suffice at all. A single party government , with an overwhelming majority of 400 plus . He was in , and had immortalized himself in the annals of History. The greatest heist of all times had been pulled off, with such suaveness and sophistication, that it would not be even known as one, for a very long time. And considering an average depreciation of a loss of 10% of the seats every year , he had a theoretical shelf life of 25 years . Power breeds power, and the council was confident of stretching this when the time came. After all , they knew all the tricks of this trade. Short of a direct divine intervention, life would be a bed of roses for them, with the occasional thorn .

Politicians - 1 . One fifth of the Humanity - 0 . May be this what the Kali yuga is all about .


Please feel free to criticize my attempt . And to get back in a lighter mood , read this absolutely KICKASS comical post , News at Nine , by mere azeez dost , Child_of_Adam .It is an awesome read .

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Solilo's Switcheroo Tag

This has to be the toughest tag ever . I would not have minded doing something called 99 things you didn't know about me or 999 things you hate . But I do not want to incur the wrath of the BLOD by refusing to fulfill my duty as a conscientious blogger , once explicitly tagged . This tag asks you do a switcheroo , and write down the names of 5 men you would have liked/loved/drooled over , if you were a woman . Boy oh Boy ! I tried and I tried hard , but I couldn't come up with the names of men I would like, that way . So , for the sake of making it easier for me , I made the following assumption . How would I like to look , if I had to ensure that women around me drop like flies . Things got easier then . So , if women in general would like them , then so would I , if I were one . And I have included different kinds as well . You know, Caucasians , Africans , Indians and a multiethnic one as well . So here it goes , and try not to laugh .

1.Rock Hudson – He just struck me as a very handsome man .

2.Josh Holloway – I liked his character in Lost , cocky and cocksure , with a mellifluous Southern accent .

3.Hrithik Roshan – I admire him for he has worked hard to be where he is . He used to stutter as a child , he overcame that . He built his body and took dancing lessons , he is a hard worker . I genuinely respect him . His choice of movies are not that great though . I think he is going to be the next Aamir Khan of Hindi Cinema .

4.Will Smith – He can act , and in different ways too . Bad Boys , Hitch , I am Legend and the Pursuit of Happyness. Versatile actor . And he has a very high CQ – Cool Quotient .

5.Rahul Baba :D The super neta of India . PM in 2014 . Any woman who ties the knot with him can breathe easy, the future of the generations after her would be secure . Need I say more ?

P.S. Solilo , you just wait . I will think of a really difficult tag for you . And I tried really really hard , but could not , include SRK and Farhan Akhtar . My apologies .

P.P.S. I was kidding about Rahul Baba . I couldn't think of the fifth one , it was either him or me . I chose him . You won't cringe when you look at his "cute" face . He is multiethnic. And I won't be labeled a narcissist . :)

Credits for the images goes to Google Image Search .