Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Why sometimes I wish I was an American


The Good, The Bad and The Stupid reasons I came up with in favour of Uncle Sam.

1. The language problem would be solved. The manner in which the English language is spoken in America may vary a lot, but it sure as hell is the same language. It is highly unlikely that if some poor workers from Missouri migrated to California, some son-of-the-soil mother-effing Californian would try and kick them out for their different accent.

2. The American education system, on the school level offers a very pragmatic course which actually is useful for the student. Plus the student has the choice to pursue his area of interest from a preliminary level. And as far as the universities are concerned, they are the Best, according to me. The pure and intellectually stimulating environment offered by the better universities of America would be any student’s dream. The freedom to study subjects completely unrelated to your major is to die for. To be a part of such a beautiful system is undeniably the best reason to be an American. For me, if there is heaven on earth, it is on the campus of a great university like Harvard, Stanford, MIT or UCLA!

3. The American Media has a lot of freedom, unlike poor Tarun Tejpal of Tehelka who had to face hell after his sting operation. The other fundamental rights are fiercely protected as well.

4. Conviction Rate – The crime rate may be high, but so is the conviction rate, between 65 & 80 %, and compared to the Indian one, which is under 10% (for serious crimes), is phenomenal.

5. If I ever were to witness a crime, I would hesitate less in going to the police. In fact, I could also be inducted into the Witness Protection Program if the need arose.

6. I would be immensely proud of the fact the US of A got its freedom by mauling the Brits and kicking some serious Red Coat ass. That would have made me one really happy man.

7. I could legally gamble in Las Vegas, and visit a strip club if I ever wanted to. It feels good to know that you have the option to legally indulge in such activities.

8. The right to bear arms would allow me , an aspiring fire-arm enthusiast to purchase and own a collection of weapons , which would include automatic rifles, semi-automatic rifles , hand-guns and pistols , and if possible a WW II MG 42 .

9. The military might of America is also a good reason to be on that side. Of course, more often than not, it ends up being used for the wrong reasons, but they did stop the German juggernaut during the WW II. Had India been that powerful, maybe the incessant bullying by China would have stopped.

10. I have never been to the US but what I know of it through books, movies and other sources suggests that it is a meritocracy. Nobody can stop from you from going to the top if you are good enough. Your talent, if nurtured will bear fruit. I guess that is one of the reasons it is the Promised Land, the place where your dreams come true, and why people have been flocking to it.

11. There would not be any politicians who spend crores of the tax payer’s money on unveiling statues of themselves to wallow in a false sense of grandeur. There won’t be any politicians who will be cheered and hailed by the media even after destroying a state systematically for 15 years and being involved in a multitude of scams. There won’t be criminals turned politicians who are actually involved with a foreign power’s intelligence agency and are de-facto agents for them. Corruption is everywhere, but the Indian politicians are corrupt on all fronts and have no class at all. Nixon was impeached, Clinton was almost. How many politicians of this country have actually suffered for the crimes they committed?

12. I am bored of all the caste, religion and language related issues. Race would be a lovely change. I may be judged by my race, I sure as hell would not get any reservation for that.

13. I would not live in a country surrounded by three of the best neighbours a country could ever wish for, Pakistan, China and Bangladesh.

14. I could be proud of the fact that America is home to Hollywood which churns out some good ripe stuff every year for the movie buff apart from the usual time-pass crap , unlike Indian Cinema ( or Bollywood) , which mostly produces crap including the plagiarized ones . Indian Film Industry produces the largest number of movies in an year , but I still have a tough time finding a movie decent enough to watch, one which would not make me pull out hair by the roots and gnash in mental agony. I have still not gotten over my Om Shanti Om experience, which lasted about 3 hours. I am pretty sure I lost a few IQ points, so mind numbing it was. A good Indian movie is rare enough. A great movie is even rarer, unless Aamir Khan decides to make one and/or act in it.

15. Buying a really fast car or a bike would actually make sense, because of the excellent roads and the cheap fuel (not so cheap nowadays).

16. The US is 11 times less crowded than India, numerically speaking. America is 3 times larger than India, and India is 3.7 times more populous than America. That gives a factor of 11.When I stand on the roof of my house and look around, all I see is a never-ending concrete jungle .It would be really wonderful to live in a place not swarming with humanity.

25 comments:

stuti chandra said...

great, now i wish to be an american too. Its hard to comment on what you write because u write so well

Kislay said...

@Stuti
Feel free to write whatever you want . And I am not that good a writer .

Anonymous said...

fuck u man....u r making Indian ppl fall for the crap u r writing.You sound like a looser.Peaple like you desecrate the name of such a wonderful country.FUCK YOU!

Kislay said...

@Anonymous
What a colossal idiot you are ! First of all , I sometimes wish , that does that not imply I want to . If I had really wanted to be one , I would have said so , loud and clear . Secondly , these are my personal thought you moron , who the fuck do you think is going to be influenced by me . I am not the Editor of any top English daily of the nation , I just another guy . And last , but not the least , were you too scared to use your real name , you coward ? So go and fist fuck yourself ! And one more thing , your spelling is terrible . I am surprised as to how the hell did you manage to get the spelling of desecrate right ?

Anonymous said...

Listen u mother effing bas****.Ppl like you dont have to be some english daily editors to pollute the minds of young Indians.Your shear existence does the trick!If its ok to put ur feelings on the paper then why have you abused Bal Thakrey in one of ur blogs?He was also expressing his feelings like you did.You just fucking think watever u r doing is right?Had it not been a democratic country you would have been sent to gallows by now.You call me moron,you are an imbecil idiot.If u have even a fraction of self esteem left in you withdraw this post.
Saumen Ghosh

Kislay said...

@Saumen Ghosh
The reason why I wrote this was because I am pissed at the current state of affairs of India . It was intended to be a satire partly , and it partly stems from the fact that the USA has some great things to offer which our country doesn't . And you are judging my loyalty to my country on the basis of one post ? Are you that foolish ? What Raj Thackeray did in Mumbai was absolutely politically motivated , and he at least should not have dragged Chhath Puja into it , as it is a Hindu festival and not a Bihari one . How can you judge me and what gives you the right to call me names , when you do not know me at all ? Seriously man , if all you want is to hurl abuses at me then please don't leave any further comments on my blog . And by the way , I am also a part of the youth . And I would love it if people were influenced by my writings , but I doubt it .

Anonymous said...

Ok man in that case excuse me for clapperclawing,i hope u wont mind it.
Saumen

Kislay said...

@Saumen
I accept your apology and I apologise myself for using foul words as well . Anyways , how did you chance upon my blog ?

Indian Home Maker said...

A fabulous write up. Feel the same way myself.Thanks for posting on my blog, otherwise I would have never found yours. I am adding a link to this article..if you mind let me know, I will remove the link.

Kislay said...

@IHM
Thank you . I wrote this to blow off steam . Please free to add as many links as you want . I am honoured .

@lankr1ta said...

I think you make a lot of sense. Good write up!

Kislay said...

@ Alankrita
That is the saddest part of it , isn't it ?

shail said...

Here via link in Indianhomemaker's post. Loved this piece of writing!!

Kislay said...

@Shail
Thank you .

Goofy Mumma said...

Well said, wonderfully done post. Loved it, am blogrolling you.

Kislay said...

@Goofy Momma
Thank you .

Mohit said...

I reached d blog by typing "i wish a was an american" on google...we think alike man....
your blog is pretty good...most of the things written are what may be 50% of our youth thinks all the time regarding usa.
I'm persoanlly a big fan of hollywood..i mean like really biiiigg...i would kill to be reborn as an american..not cuz i hate india or im fed up of mah life in india or nethng like dat..but cuz i want to be a part of hollywood as a script writer and a director. Being an indian,there are little chances that one gets a chance to do so. Even though there are many indian script writers that have made it to hollywood but the level to which a second citizen can reach in a country is very limited. An american can't be a bollywood director for life...and so is the case for indians in america...if i were white..i might have had a chance of doin so..but our colour often restricts us from many opportunites time and again whether we accept it or not. I dont mean to call anyone racist here..but the fact is that ur "the odd one out" in a different country...i love india..but its just my dream of making it to hollywood that makes me wish i was an american...
Your blog was really gr8...keep up the good work....tc buddy..

NadiaT86 said...

I'm an American. I'm also in high school. I searched for ' I want to be an American' because we were talking in class today about the education system and how other countries like Japan, Germany, etc. Were ahead of us education wise. I dont know if it's true but my teacher also said we have it good. Looking at the news, I suppose that's true. Actually if you're a foreigner coming here, especially an Indian, you have a better chance of getting a good paying job ( of course you have to be smart), but all the Indians at my school are;]. I'm proud to be an American. If you use your head and know what you want then ANYTHING can be yours. Any low class person in this country has a chance and if middle aged and you are in bad shape, you put yourself in that position. Without blaming a higher authority. Hollywood? If that's wat u want, go there. But movies are not always good references .I'm from the south, so y'all don't confuse fantasy with reality. India, from your point of view, sounds depressing. - U.S. Citizen, Nadia Thomas

NadiaT86 said...

I'm an American. I'm also in high school. I searched for ' I want to be an American' because we were talking in class today about the education system and how other countries like Japan, Germany, etc. Were ahead of us education wise. I dont know if it's true but my teacher also said we have it good. Looking at the news, I suppose that's true. Actually if you're a foreigner coming here, especially an Indian, you have a better chance of getting a good paying job ( of course you have to be smart), but all the Indians at my school are;]. I'm proud to be an American. If you use your head and know what you want then ANYTHING can be yours. Any low class person in this country has a chance and if middle aged and you are in bad shape, you put yourself in that position. Without blaming a higher authority. Hollywood? If that's wat u want, go there. But movies are not always good references .I'm from the south, so y'all don't confuse fantasy with reality. India, from your point of view, sounds depressing. - U.S. Citizen, Nadia Thomas

Kislay said...

@Nadia

India is not depressing. :) We have our flaws , just as you do . Nothing is perfect . It is just that I wish the qualities I mentioned could be emulated in my country as well . I am a very proud and patriotic Indian , even though India is the way it is .

Jessica said...

dude, you've never even been to america. trust me, i live in america. MOST OF THIS IS A HUGE OVER EXAGGERATION. so stop dreaming kid. just live ur life and stop complaining. grow up.

scotty said...

Hey! Nice post.

I am an American. All I can say is that it is wonderful haha. I have plenty of Indian friends and they love it here too. California all the way!

Our education system isn't that bad to tell you the truth. In fact, if you take the scores for America, and exclude the inner city, we are first in most subjects (2nd in math, 1st in science, etc...)

Also, if you plan on getting higher education than it is really easy. Not only do we have the best universities (40 out of the top 50 in the world), but they are fairly cheap. UC Berkeley is 7th in the world and its tuition is under 20,000. You can also go to college for about 1000 in tuition at community college.

Suburbia is terrific. I live in Southern California and its just a sprawling suburbia for hundreds of miles. Its peaceful, not loud, but at the same time there's always something to do.

Disneyland, Knotts Berry Farm, Six Flags, and the Beach are all within a half hour of my house.

So you guys should come on over! We'll welcome you with open arms :D. We love ya guys!
Plus, our two nations are on great terms. 21st century will be AmerIndia!

- A high School Student Entering College - Scotty

Mohit said...

Scotty...brothr i really wanna see your country and not just go there as a tourist for a fortnight....but actually live your life for...lets say a month or so.....wanna experience the real US of A...
its been a dream for as long as i can remember..hope to be there sumday...tc

NA3R said...

im from iran , and i really hate my freakin' country . the one with da phrase "Campus of a great university" really got me. i totally got lost in the moment . i wish i was american :((

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