Why sometimes I wish I was an American

The Good, The Bad and The Stupid reasons I came up with in favour of Uncle Sam.

1. The language problem would be solved. The manner in which the English language is spoken in America may vary a lot, but it sure as hell is the same language. It is highly unlikely that if some poor workers from Missouri migrated to California, some son-of-the-soil mother-effing Californian would try and kick them out for their different accent.

2. The American education system, on the school level offers a very pragmatic course which actually is useful for the student. Plus the student has the choice to pursue his area of interest from a preliminary level. And as far as the universities are concerned, they are the Best, according to me. The pure and intellectually stimulating environment offered by the better universities of America would be any student’s dream. The freedom to study subjects completely unrelated to your major is to die for. To be a part of such a beautiful system is undeniably the best reason to be an American. For me, if there is heaven on earth, it is on the campus of a great university like Harvard, Stanford, MIT or UCLA!

3. The American Media has a lot of freedom, unlike poor Tarun Tejpal of Tehelka who had to face hell after his sting operation. The other fundamental rights are fiercely protected as well.

4. Conviction Rate – The crime rate may be high, but so is the conviction rate, between 65 & 80 %, and compared to the Indian one, which is under 10% (for serious crimes), is phenomenal.

5. If I ever were to witness a crime, I would hesitate less in going to the police. In fact, I could also be inducted into the Witness Protection Program if the need arose.

6. I would be immensely proud of the fact the US of A got its freedom by mauling the Brits and kicking some serious Red Coat ass. That would have made me one really happy man.

7. I could legally gamble in Las Vegas, and visit a strip club if I ever wanted to. It feels good to know that you have the option to legally indulge in such activities.

8. The right to bear arms would allow me , an aspiring fire-arm enthusiast to purchase and own a collection of weapons , which would include automatic rifles, semi-automatic rifles , hand-guns and pistols , and if possible a WW II MG 42 .

9. The military might of America is also a good reason to be on that side. Of course, more often than not, it ends up being used for the wrong reasons, but they did stop the German juggernaut during the WW II. Had India been that powerful, maybe the incessant bullying by China would have stopped.

10. I have never been to the US but what I know of it through books, movies and other sources suggests that it is a meritocracy. Nobody can stop from you from going to the top if you are good enough. Your talent, if nurtured will bear fruit. I guess that is one of the reasons it is the Promised Land, the place where your dreams come true, and why people have been flocking to it.

11. There would not be any politicians who spend crores of the tax payer’s money on unveiling statues of themselves to wallow in a false sense of grandeur. There won’t be any politicians who will be cheered and hailed by the media even after destroying a state systematically for 15 years and being involved in a multitude of scams. There won’t be criminals turned politicians who are actually involved with a foreign power’s intelligence agency and are de-facto agents for them. Corruption is everywhere, but the Indian politicians are corrupt on all fronts and have no class at all. Nixon was impeached, Clinton was almost. How many politicians of this country have actually suffered for the crimes they committed?

12. I am bored of all the caste, religion and language related issues. Race would be a lovely change. I may be judged by my race, I sure as hell would not get any reservation for that.

13. I would not live in a country surrounded by three of the best neighbours a country could ever wish for, Pakistan, China and Bangladesh.

14. I could be proud of the fact that America is home to Hollywood which churns out some good ripe stuff every year for the movie buff apart from the usual time-pass crap , unlike Indian Cinema ( or Bollywood) , which mostly produces crap including the plagiarized ones . Indian Film Industry produces the largest number of movies in an year , but I still have a tough time finding a movie decent enough to watch, one which would not make me pull out hair by the roots and gnash in mental agony. I have still not gotten over my Om Shanti Om experience, which lasted about 3 hours. I am pretty sure I lost a few IQ points, so mind numbing it was. A good Indian movie is rare enough. A great movie is even rarer, unless Aamir Khan decides to make one and/or act in it.

15. Buying a really fast car or a bike would actually make sense, because of the excellent roads and the cheap fuel (not so cheap nowadays).

16. The US is 11 times less crowded than India, numerically speaking. America is 3 times larger than India, and India is 3.7 times more populous than America. That gives a factor of 11.When I stand on the roof of my house and look around, all I see is a never-ending concrete jungle .It would be really wonderful to live in a place not swarming with humanity.