Virginity

Losing it is a big deal. For men, it is a matter of pride, even if they are not married, for nobody is ever going to find out. It is something you boast about, and describe to your friends in a vainglorious fashion. And celebrate it. But not for the ladies I guess, at least in India . The perfect woman stays a virgin till she is married. That is what the society dictates to her. And why is that? What I think is that this conditioning process was initiated just to prevent unwanted pregnancies. You got a daughter, she is young, and but not yet married (read, conveniently disposed off), so you fill her head with stories of virtuousness and chastity, not for the rights reasons but the wrong ones, so that she doesn’t do something which will make you lose face. It is all about that. Isn’t that why the phrase “mooh kaala karwa diya” exists ? I do not think it has anything to do with the ethics or morality associated with premarital sex .May be a little. But definitely much more about the girl getting pregnant and bringing “dishonor” to her family . I don’t remember getting any lecture on staying away from premarital sex. But I sure do know of parents who would indoctrinate their daughter on this issue. And this appears to be one reason. The other apparent reason being, that a non-virgin girl is not pure/pious/pristine enough to get married too. “Real men” want their goods in perfect and un-tampered condition. And how do you ensure that ? By ingraining the belief that virginity is a virtue. And I bet this must be one of the reasons why sons are in more demand. I remember reading this somewhere – In some damned village or the other, on the morning following the ceremonial wedding night, the sheets were checked for blood stains. If there were none, the accursed girl would be beaten/tortured/humiliated to reveal the name of her lover. This would go on till she named someone, even if she was actually a virgin . And now the lover boy, whether he was or not does not matter, had to shell out some moolah as an emollient for the wounded ego/honour of the groom and his family . An absolute win-win for the in-laws of the bride. If the dowry was the cake, this would be the cherry on the top.

Moral of the rant- Do not have daughters. And make sure that those who do, keep them chaste; for your sons. And the honour of the family comes before the life and liberty of a woman. Three cheers to “Man”-kind !

A good movie - Juno. Those who haven’t , do watch it . And a regular but interesting one - Saved.

p.s. A promiscuous woman is more affectionately called a slut . What is the synonymous term for a promiscuous man ?

Random Thought #5 : A Grey Zone

The World, as I perceive it, is one huge grey zone. No absolutes. Nothing in black and white. I think that no individual can be held completely accountable for his/her actions, and that they are influenced by factors, some quite out of our hands, and some even out of the realms of our sensory perception. A vicious and mystical cycle of cause and effect, where one cause gives rise to an effect, which further creates another cause, and so on. But it would be too chaotic a world to live in, if we did not delineate, defined right and wrong, guilty and innocent, a crime and its punishment, and penalized those who dared to cross over, no matter what the reason was. The societal structure would surely crumble, if we take away that. We obviously do not have a right to decide who lives and who doesn’t, but then, creating societal rules pertaining to that, gives us a false sense of power and security, and may be, even righteousness. And that, I guess, makes it seem less chaotic. But still, born in this world, have to live in this one. We need to have “cut-offs”. To carry on with this madness called life. To serve our biological purpose and die. And to give fools like me fodder for rumination. Three cheers to Anarchism ;)

Nothing is easier than to denounce the evil doer; Nothing more difficult than understanding him." - Fyodor Dostoevsky

A thought provoking movie - The Grey Zone , and song – Behind Blue Eyes by The Who