An Angry Indian

It seems as if I am losing my identity as an Indian, and the identity borne out of association with a region of India is being forced upon me. Are there people willing me to accept as an Indian first, by virtue of my being on born here, and then label me as per my “attributes”? The ongoing Maharashtra VS North-India spat has shaken my belief in my concept of India as one nation. I chanced upon a forum called Mutiny.in where people were having a very animated and intense debate over this issue. The issue is indeed a very complicated one. Mumbai IS groaning under the weight of so many people. But the migrant workers just cannot be thrown out of the city. The violence used by MNS cannot be justified. The official death toll is still in single digits, but for how long? A street hawker’s arms were chopped off; a man lost his life to stone-pelting. It is foolish to suggest so, but could all this lead to a civil war? The crux of the situation is the fact that if an Indian is not free to live and work in any part of India, it would imply that the rights of the Indian citizen have been usurped. And on a side note, the Pakistanis and the Chinese must be ecstatic over all this infighting. I do wonder why the media is not focusing on the source, the root cause of all this mayhem. The jackasses who have been ruling UP and Bihar for the past 10-20 years. The railway minister who is being hailed by the media like the financial genius of the century, why do people forget that it was under his regime that the state of Bihar was rotting. When asked about why he couldn’t work the same magic with Bihar, his reply was that the state lacked the potential to do so. I can never ever forget that. These politicians, the public servants, the representatives of the poor and the downtrodden deserver a part of the attention, at least. The media should shed some light on these great leaders as well. What else was the poor worker supposed to do? Not just the worker, people from all the classes moved near and far , to foreign countries, to Delhi,Kolkata,Bangalore,Gujerat,Indore and of course Mumbai. I was born and brought up in Bihar, but I studied in Manipal and I most certainly am going to work outside my home state. God help me if I get posted in Mumbai, the way things are, it seems that I will mauled or murdered for being a Bihari. People in this forum were discussing whose state produced more freedom fighters, and whose contribution was more significant, it was absolutely pathetic and ridiculous! And of course, what the hell is North-Indian? Or a South-Indian? I thought I was an Indian. Coming back to the burning issue, this has become one hell of a political circus where nobody seems to be coming up with a realistic, pragmatic, implementable solution. This is just a part of the picture. Apart from unrest in Kashmir and North-East, and the naxalites and the home-grown jehadis, there is a new kid on the block, the armed Gujjar who wants to be treated as a ST. India must be the only country in the whole wide world, where being a part of a community officially labeled as backward has its privileges. The genius, who came up with the idea of reserving seats in the premier institutions on the basis of caste, and not the economic status of the student, has done his country a great service. He has ensured that half of the graduates of these institutions would be sub-standard. He should be given a Nobel Prize for imbecility, if there was one. Why don’t these profound thinkers work on improving the primary education system, why don’t they reserve the seats for the under-privileged in the better schools so that the need for reservation is eliminated? I bet if I could figure out the why part, the epiphany would be nothing less than orgasmic. How hard is it to understand the repercussions of implementing a system, which ensures the admission of a rich kid from a backward caste but denies it to the poor Brahmin? Poverty has no caste or religion, the pangs of hunger are equally excruciating, so is the agony experienced on being denied an opportunity. And how can I forget about the dragon breathing down our neck, China. I do not understand why we fail to see beyond Pakistan, why is the Indian mentality so Pakistan-centric when it comes to enemies. I remember being told to treat India’s victory over Pakistan in WC 2003 as a win in the finals, that it was as good as winning the world cup. We have a history with Pakistan and there is a reason for the enmity. What reason did China have to invade us in 1962? The 1962 Sino-Indian debacle, thanks to political leadership, makes me writhe in agony and shame. It was a war that could have been won, but was lost. An unpredictable enemy is the most dangerous of all. China keeps bullying us, keeps denying us a chance to get a permanent seat in the UNSC, questions our claim over Arunachal Pradesh, but the government wags its head in unison over the Tibet issue for China. Why Oh Why? What is the government afraid of? Another war? Total annihilation of India by China? I cannot disagree that China is a powerful enemy, but is any country in this world powerful enough to make us dance to their tune? Are we a nation that spineless? I sincerely hope I am wrong. I cannot forget the horrendous incident when BDR killed 15 BSF soldiers, and then mutilated their body beyond recognition. Why the hell did a nation like India tolerate a barbaric act like that? What infuriates, incenses and humiliates me the most is that the perpetrator was a poor, pathetic and weak nation like Bangladesh. We freed those ungrateful bastards and this is what we get back. Bangladesh has now become the new breeding ground for anti-Indian extremists. The political establishment of this country seems to be too bogged down by their vote-bank politics to take concrete measures. The 6^th pay commission was nothing but a slap in the face of the armed forces. If the soldiers defending this country do not come first, who does ? The IAS officers ? Or the old farts polluting the Parliament and the Legislative Assemblies ? There is a dearth of more than 10,000 officers in the armed forces . How is this deficit going to be compensated for ? By reservation , I guess ! God save my motherland !

End of an Era

8^th September 2003 was the day I came to Manipal to start my journey as a student of engineering. Owing to my year back, it has been more than 4 years since. And now, I have to leave this wonderful, beautiful, idyllic paradise (for me) in a few days. I shall be bidding my dear Manipal adieu on 6^th of June, 2008. These 1734 days (to be precise) were the best, the golden days as I like to call them. I doubt whether any other place in this wide world would ever mean so much to me. Time alone can answer that, but for now I am deeply in love with Manipal. The metamorphosis from an oversensitive, immature and ignorant teenager to a relatively mature latitudinarian can be ascribed to Manipal and Manipal alone. Before coming to this place, I had the knowledge of the English Language and was fairly capable of expressing myself on paper, but when it came to speaking, I would get lost. Thanks to the multicultural multilingual atmosphere of Manipal, I am fairly fluent in oral expression. This is just one the many things that changed me for good. I made the best of my friends here, and a wide variety of them too. I had a first hand glance at the multifarious India. My taste in books, movies, music and food, my outlook towards life, in fact my entire weltanschauung was moulded here. The clean, green, pollution and population free environment is nothing less than a utopia for me. The freedom and isolation from the wicked world was almost like a hospitable womb. A person coming from my background can ask for nothing more. Add to this the fact that MU has one the most happening campuses in India. What else does a student need? A good education as well, but what the hell, you can’t have everything, can you? To be honest, it was average at worst. But I still don’t regret coming to this place. And I never will. I pity those miserable fools who came to Manipal and left this place just with a degree, and no memories or friends. And I positively loathe those people who claim to hate this place. I simply cannot fathom how anyone can hate Manipal. As I am about to leave, I wish I could visit all those places I used to frequent once again. I sincerely wish that Manipal could be personified (preferably as a female), so that I could profess my undying love for her, tell her how badly am I going to pine for her, embrace her, cry over shoulders and kiss her goodbye. But alas, I will have to contend with one last look at Udupi Railway Station. I love you Manipal and I shall love you forever.

Bollywood Bashing : Why am I Irked by Indian Cinema

Indian Cinema, for me encompasses the films made in Hindi and the ones in English starring Indian actors. As I know only one Indian language , this handicap prevents me from watching the other Indian movies, and this can be optimistically interpreted as a blessing in disguise. What incenses me the most is that Bollywood ( the more popular , unoriginal and cheesy name) offers me worthless , dumb , moronic , plagiarized , purely commercial features , with a few exceptions . It is the exceptions like Taare Zameen Par, Khosla Ka Ghosla and Hera Pheri, to name a few, that offer me some solace and hope that all is not yet doomed. These rare movies are like the proverbial silver lining, that there are some movie makers who have the brains to think originally. More often than not, when somebody goes against the formula and attempts something different, the film flops. One look at the current box office charts would tell you that. Apart from TZP, the two movies worth watching, Khuda Kay Liye and Shaurya are standing at below average and flop respectively. What does the Indian public want? Item numbers and song and dance routines? Entertainment without quality? I am really proud of the fact that my taste in movie is different from the average Indian; I do not associate myself with the multitude! Of the latest movies occupying the silver screen , Race seems to be inspired by The fast and the furious , Speed and God knows what other fast car flick from Hollywood and U , Me Aur Hum looks like a copy of 50 first dates . Plagiarizing seems to be the favourite theme of good old ‘Bollywood’. I wish somebody would start compiling a list of Indian movies which have been completely or partially ‘inspired’ by some foreign flick. And I would also like to know how many of them did so legally. Many a times have people commented on my aversion towards Indian movies, and I have been called a bloody Angrez, but what am I to do? Give me a movie like Sarfarosh or Lagaan, something inspired from true life like Ab Tak Chappan, or true scenarios, like Shool or Company, and I am willing to walk miles to watch it. Will India ever have a film maker like Hrishikesh Mukherjee or Satyajit Ray again? These men were nothing short of geniuses, and compared to today’s trash, each of their movies is a rare gem. While Hollywood has scores of movies inspired by true stories and real people, which acknowledge the element of truth, I have rarely seen such Indian movies. Of course, everybody knows that Guru was inspired by Dhirubhai Ambani, but why didn’t they make a biographical movie, a docudrama on him? Instead they changed his name, the sex of his progeny and the names of the rest of the characters, and gave a statutory message that everything in this movie is fictitious. Chak De India was a good entertainer and I liked it. But it was far from perfect. The character of the coach in the movie seemed to be inspired by Shah Rukh Khan than the real person, Mir Ranjan Negi. Did SRK meet with him and stayed with him, to imbibe his mannerism,to observe him so that he could embody him more accurately? And why doesn’t the movie mention Mr. Negi’s name? Another movie that made a total mess of the true story it was based on was Shootout at Lokhandwala .The story was so promising, it had such wonderful prospects, but it was turned into a tasteless concoction. The gangsters are dancing to the tune of stupid songs. Come on! What a load of crap! Why don’t the Indian movie makers explore the subjects that are available in India?
Witch-hunting, burning of women for dowry, crime and corruption, history and religion, there are so many of them .It is a rare phenomenon, but when it happens, my heart positively sings with joy. Bandit Queen was such one amazing, heart rending tale of Phoolan Devi, of the top of my mind. When ever a period movie is attempted, the movie ends up being another song-and-dance flick with a few elements of fact, and history takes a back seat. What the hell happened to Ashoka and Jodha-Akbar? It is so pathetic. I used to be a fan of Ram Gopal Verma’s works, but of lately, even he has disappointed me. My only ray of hope is Aamir Khan. May God bless him and give him the inspiration to make better and greater films. The movies he acts in and/or makes are worth every penny. All I can say is that I am willing to bear the agony of a bumpy ride of 70 kms to and fro Mangalore and spend around 500 bucks , being a student to watch his movies , and considering the easy availability of movies on the internet due to piracy , this is the greatest compliment I can pay him . Give me substance O Indian Filmmakers!

Why sometimes I wish I was an American

The Good, The Bad and The Stupid reasons I came up with in favour of Uncle Sam.

1. The language problem would be solved. The manner in which the English language is spoken in America may vary a lot, but it sure as hell is the same language. It is highly unlikely that if some poor workers from Missouri migrated to California, some son-of-the-soil mother-effing Californian would try and kick them out for their different accent.

2. The American education system, on the school level offers a very pragmatic course which actually is useful for the student. Plus the student has the choice to pursue his area of interest from a preliminary level. And as far as the universities are concerned, they are the Best, according to me. The pure and intellectually stimulating environment offered by the better universities of America would be any student’s dream. The freedom to study subjects completely unrelated to your major is to die for. To be a part of such a beautiful system is undeniably the best reason to be an American. For me, if there is heaven on earth, it is on the campus of a great university like Harvard, Stanford, MIT or UCLA!

3. The American Media has a lot of freedom, unlike poor Tarun Tejpal of Tehelka who had to face hell after his sting operation. The other fundamental rights are fiercely protected as well.

4. Conviction Rate – The crime rate may be high, but so is the conviction rate, between 65 & 80 %, and compared to the Indian one, which is under 10% (for serious crimes), is phenomenal.

5. If I ever were to witness a crime, I would hesitate less in going to the police. In fact, I could also be inducted into the Witness Protection Program if the need arose.

6. I would be immensely proud of the fact the US of A got its freedom by mauling the Brits and kicking some serious Red Coat ass. That would have made me one really happy man.

7. I could legally gamble in Las Vegas, and visit a strip club if I ever wanted to. It feels good to know that you have the option to legally indulge in such activities.

8. The right to bear arms would allow me , an aspiring fire-arm enthusiast to purchase and own a collection of weapons , which would include automatic rifles, semi-automatic rifles , hand-guns and pistols , and if possible a WW II MG 42 .

9. The military might of America is also a good reason to be on that side. Of course, more often than not, it ends up being used for the wrong reasons, but they did stop the German juggernaut during the WW II. Had India been that powerful, maybe the incessant bullying by China would have stopped.

10. I have never been to the US but what I know of it through books, movies and other sources suggests that it is a meritocracy. Nobody can stop from you from going to the top if you are good enough. Your talent, if nurtured will bear fruit. I guess that is one of the reasons it is the Promised Land, the place where your dreams come true, and why people have been flocking to it.

11. There would not be any politicians who spend crores of the tax payer’s money on unveiling statues of themselves to wallow in a false sense of grandeur. There won’t be any politicians who will be cheered and hailed by the media even after destroying a state systematically for 15 years and being involved in a multitude of scams. There won’t be criminals turned politicians who are actually involved with a foreign power’s intelligence agency and are de-facto agents for them. Corruption is everywhere, but the Indian politicians are corrupt on all fronts and have no class at all. Nixon was impeached, Clinton was almost. How many politicians of this country have actually suffered for the crimes they committed?

12. I am bored of all the caste, religion and language related issues. Race would be a lovely change. I may be judged by my race, I sure as hell would not get any reservation for that.

13. I would not live in a country surrounded by three of the best neighbours a country could ever wish for, Pakistan, China and Bangladesh.

14. I could be proud of the fact that America is home to Hollywood which churns out some good ripe stuff every year for the movie buff apart from the usual time-pass crap , unlike Indian Cinema ( or Bollywood) , which mostly produces crap including the plagiarized ones . Indian Film Industry produces the largest number of movies in an year , but I still have a tough time finding a movie decent enough to watch, one which would not make me pull out hair by the roots and gnash in mental agony. I have still not gotten over my Om Shanti Om experience, which lasted about 3 hours. I am pretty sure I lost a few IQ points, so mind numbing it was. A good Indian movie is rare enough. A great movie is even rarer, unless Aamir Khan decides to make one and/or act in it.

15. Buying a really fast car or a bike would actually make sense, because of the excellent roads and the cheap fuel (not so cheap nowadays).

16. The US is 11 times less crowded than India, numerically speaking. America is 3 times larger than India, and India is 3.7 times more populous than America. That gives a factor of 11.When I stand on the roof of my house and look around, all I see is a never-ending concrete jungle .It would be really wonderful to live in a place not swarming with humanity.

My Favourite Serial Killer

My favourite serial killer is a Mr. Dexter Morgan, working as a blood spatter analyst for the Miami Metro Police Department by the day, and a vigilante serial killer by the night. And sadly he is purely fictitious (to the best of my knowledge).Dexter is one of my favourite shows, as not only is it great entertainment for me, but it also enacts retributive justice, doled out by the protagonist to the sick and twisted, the killers, the drug lords, the rapists and the child molesters, the scum of the earth who managed to escape the justice, which is a concept I love. Taking out the trash, as Dexter calls it, brings this thought to my mind, wouldn’t it have been wonderful if there was a real life Dexter? If one can overlook the obvious that a character from a TV- show ( a book rather , Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay) would be successful at killing the bad guys and getting away with it easily as he was meant to , would the actions of such a man in real life pose an ethical and a moral dilemma ? How bad would I feel if I came to know that the society I live in just got itself rid of a scumbag? I would like to think of such a person as a scavenger, who feeds on the morally dead and rotting to keep the society clean. We, as members of the society are supposed to uphold the law and not break it. But how many criminals do really get caught by the system, specially the Indian one? The conviction rate is absolutely atrocious. More often than not, a criminal does get away. So should one wait for the windmills of God to work at their own pace or take the matters in their own hands .It is said that nobody except God has the right to take the life of another human being. Why are then the soldiers who kill for their country honoured and glorified? It is highly unlikely that the other man who is fighting for his country, for the right or wrong reasons, would be a menace to the society, and in all likelihood is a decent human being who had the courage and conviction to fight for his motherland. So, you are a hero and a saviour of your country if you kill dozens of this kind in a war, but if you do the same to the rotten bastards living amidst you, you are a god damned killer! A single act of murder or assault can be forgiven, but you cannot turn the other cheek when it happens again and again. A man who got away with what he did would most likely repeat it, confident that he would get lucky again. If only criminals were smarter! What provision did the law makers have for the scenario where the justice was thwarted? None, I guess. They left it to fate. I think our society would be better if there were a group of Dexter’s scouring to scourge the scum. The only catch is that there should be no reasonable doubt in ascertaining the guilt. In my day-dreaming sessions, I have often fantasized about being a vigilante or a superhuman, torturing the perpetrators of the most heinous of crimes to death. But will I be able to do it in reality? It would be great if somebody did all the dirty work, but what if I had to get my hands dirty? Do I have the courage to take another human’s life, even if he were the devils incarnate, and the mental strength to face the consequences of my action? I wonder if I have the spine to slaughter a chicken and then skin it for food, leave alone killing someone. And I wonder for how long these questions will remain unanswered.